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While I think it is great to find someone you want to be around 24/7 (longterm).. Feeling comfortable and at home in your own house probably trumps that! Personal space & ~ freedom within that space~ are huge in my book (they didn't use to be, but they are now! ) There's a reason staying @ his place gets old after 3.5 months- you are neglecting yourself simply for his convenience.. + Just think of all effort it took to even have your own home, for you, your dog..etc. Your life: why so easily just give it all away...?
Judging from your profile, aren't you sorta a moto chic yourself ? But I'd move to a place with a garage & 2 bedrooms. One for his comfy ness and one for yours.
I understand the discomfort due to change though. I'm current living 1500 miles from home in a 10*6 dorm room, and it feels like prison .
Judging from your profile, aren't you sorta a moto chic yourself ? But I'd move to a place with a garage & 2 bedrooms. One for his comfy ness and one for yours.
I understand the discomfort due to change though. I'm current living 1500 miles from home in a 10*6 dorm room, and it feels like prison .
I stayed at my place last week. When I went back to bf's place, I told him I will not move in 100% and I don't like living out of boxes and I don't want to be a guest in his house forever. I want to feel HOME, I want to bring friends over and don't feel weird about it and I want to have stuff the way I like it.
He said he feels bad about it and had no clue that I don't feel home at his house. We agreed to reconsider our living situation in a year (aka moving together into a new place). Until then I can change things in his house to make myself more comfy there (I took down that darn fish pic in the living room), I brought over my nice dishes and other kitchen stuff and took his old stuff into my house. He said he would tear out the carpet and put wood into the whole house but I declined. He now consciously says "OUR HOUSE" and we have a good laugh every time. And he gave me two rooms where I can spread my stuff and use dressers.
Sounds like a happy ending.
Communication is key. I just had to speak up CLEARLY because he didn't get my hints before.
Add a kitchenette and a tiny bathroom where stuff falls down if you turn around too fast, and it looks like my first studio apartment. I lifted my bed up (put mattress on posts) and put tons of boxes underneath for storage.
He said "once you are my wife, it's gonna be different. But we are not there yet."
I was thinking of moving back into my house. But then I sit there missing him and he is missing me. Kinda pointless.
Go back to your place. You realize you made this move too soon otherwise you wouldn't have left yourself an "out" to go back. And he is hedging his bets as well...and not making you feel at home. You can move in together later when you're more confident. What's the rush? You're missing him because you're not there every night? Can I ask how often he stays over at your place - I suspect YOU do the staying over.
Go back to your place. You realize you made this move too soon otherwise you wouldn't have left yourself an "out" to go back. And he is hedging his bets as well...and not making you feel at home. You can move in together later when you're more confident. What's the rush? You're missing him because you're not there every night? Can I ask how often he stays over at your place - I suspect YOU do the staying over.
I don't really like visitors at my house. He would come over but I rather go to his place.
Yeah, no rush, really. It was about me being at his place often and paying mortgage for my empty house. Now that I rent out some rooms, my mortgage is paid for by renters. I still have a place to go to whenever I feel like it and want my own stuff around me. It's the best solution for now and we reconsider in a year.
He said he has been single for 10 years so for him it's a big change to be in a relationship and asked for a little patience.
So I am sort of living at my bf's house since the day we met.
3,5 months ago .. yeah, I know ...
We made the decision that I rent out some furnished rooms in my house, about 10 minutes away. Still keeping one foot in it, just in case.
So most of my personal stuff is now at my bf's house. He gave me a room where I put all my belongings. The furniture and dishes and stuff is still at my house and stays there for now.
Am I wrong to expect to move into a completely new place in the next 1-2 years so it is all OUR stuff and not all his?
I moved into a man cave, his pics on the walls, his manly bed sheets, his decoration, motorcycle in the living room. Fine with me, but the house just doesn't feel like HOME to me.I feel like a GUEST and this will not change until we move somewhere else.
I want a fresh start where I can decorate and feel like it is OUR place. Where I have a couch that WE like. Pics on the walls we both like.
He keeps repeating it is OUR place but then every now and then he let's me feel it isn't mine and when I say something his answer is "well, I bought it, I pay for it, so of course it is mine. But it is OUR home."
Recently he had the fridge open for a while and I shut it to keep the cold in. He said something about it being his house and I shouldn't do that.
Our agreement was that I live there for free but pay half of the utilities and food.
you have a couple of things going on at the same time, so here are my thoughts:
1. yes, you are "wrong" (i'd used the word pre-mature instead) in expecting to sell his house (small fact left out of details) so that you could have a "OUR home" together when you aren't even engaged. i don't think i'd ever sell my house to accomodate my gf's desire to have a fresh start in a new "OUR house".
2. yes, it's your fault for feeling like a "guest" when you are nearly a new live-in gf from what it sounds like. so it seems you're desire for a common "fresh start" place is driving your mischaracterize about your actual status in hopes that you are creating the leverage to move the outcome in your favor.
3. don't kid anybody, i have yet to meet a man who got married and was allowed to "decorate"/keep the house the way he would like. what you are really saying is that you would like to "get his input" on some your decorating suggests; pretty common knowledge that women nest homes. guys of course benefit from a woman's sense of style decorating a home, but guys often wind up in the garage or other man-cave since they no longer "own" the living space.
4. your SO is giving you a hard time about not touching his furnishings, especially after persuading you to pack, store and rent out your place cuz you both thought it was a good idea. obviously, you should have a reasonable level of respect for his privacy and ownership of personal property, but getting man-nag for closing an open frig door when you pay half the electric bill is just pulling your chain.
This is real problem you need to address: how open is he to sharing his life with you? does it look promising? cuz right now sounds to me like you are a temporary tenant. good luck
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Me thinks someone is exaggerating. 
