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It's been going on THIS long. This is who he is. He's very SELF-centered, which is a bad trait in a parent.
You got some good advice in that thread. You should review it because you two need serious therapy. Think of what kind of anxious, resentful household your kids will be brought up in if it continues like this.
Last edited by BirdieBelle; 03-28-2015 at 06:47 AM..
Reason: fix link
What makes you think he would have changed with the second kid? He showed you what kind of dad he was with the first one. He's not going to change. You just have to deal with it.
Location: IN>Germany>ND>OH>TX>CA>Currently NoVa and a Vacation Lake House in PA
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ForLoveOnly
Why on earth did you get pregnant again?
This was my first thought. I'll never understand women that are with men that treat them this way and then chose to stay and/or have more children with them. Did you expect different results this time around, OP? Of course you're not wrong for expecting some "me" time, but you're wrong for letting this man control you.
I was married to that guy. I don't regret having a second child, but I regret what our divorce did to that second child. Both my children have abandonment issues and struggle with trying to get their dad's attention in a positive way. It's really sad.
One thing you don't say is that you love this man. How is that a good life?
Don't know if your furniture is suitable given you're pregnant, but maybe you could sleep on the couch Friday nights or another bed so he isn't bothered? Now personally, it'd be him on the couch in my house, but since it sounds like your husband is a bit of a regular grouch, it'd probably be easier if you moved for the night. Won't solve the having to listen for his son thing but maybe the undisturbed sleep will make that bearable to him.
Frankly, though, it sounds like he's not happy that you're a SAHM and he has the burden of providing. Perhaps you could mention getting a part time job once your new baby is old enough to be taken to daycare or watched by a sitter. I think that's his main frustration that's creeping into everyday life now.
I amend my previous post after reading the one from a few years ago. Neither of you have appreciation for what the other brings to the marriage or the family. Without real appreciation you both will continue in this downward spiral.
When is the last time you said, "Thank you" to your spouse? I know some, and likely the OP, will immediately think "Well, when is the last time he thanked her (me)?" That is the kind of selfish thinking that has landed the OP and her spouse in this situation. Sometimes one has to "be the change one wants to see."
Just as we act as role models for our children sometimes we need to be role models for our spouse.
I amend my previous post after reading the one from a few years ago. Neither of you have appreciation for what the other brings to the marriage or the family. Without real appreciation you both will continue in this downward spiral.
When is the last time you said, "Thank you" to your spouse? I know some, and likely the OP, will immediately think "Well, when is the last time he thanked her (me)?" That is the kind of selfish thinking that has landed the OP and her spouse in this situation. Sometimes one has to "be the change one wants to see."
Just as we act as role models for our children sometimes we need to be role models for our spouse.
This is the kind of "hard work" that many people don't realize makes up a huge part of keeping a marriage healthy.
Too many people are caught up in keeping score and in the "What have you done for me lately?" mindset to realize that they only control what THEY do.
But this particular scenario involves more than that, including a personality issue that can at least be addressed with therapy if not resolved.
Are you telling me you have no friends or family you can leave your little one with for a few hours? There are no "mom's day out" programs locally to watch your child for a few hours? Not even a neighbor, maybe an elderly lady in the neighborhood that could watch him/her? I don't think your husband is spoiled. He just needs a little time for RandR. He works all week and brings home all the funds you folks have to live on. Sounds to me he deserves some respect. Today, being a stay at home mom is a pretty easy gig. Moderator cut: snip
This has been going on for several years with no end in sight?? It's certainly not going to get any easier when another kid is added to the mix. Nevertheless, as an immediate solution to the Saturday issue, drop your son off with a sitter, or have a one come over early Saturday morning. If he isn't going to roll out of bed and watch his own dang kid for a few hours, then pay someone else to do it. Done.
The other thread was quite eye-opening, and disturbing. While we've only heard one side of the story, from the sound of it, you've got quite a dysfunctional situation on your hands. I can't imagine having to nag the Mr. into spending time with our kids; heck he offers to take over so I can go carousing.
Last edited by Ginge McFantaPants; 03-28-2015 at 07:43 AM..
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