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Old 03-28-2015, 08:07 PM
 
4,035 posts, read 3,820,980 times
Reputation: 5314

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Auraliea View Post
Just remember...that's your choice.

But it'll never happen if you don't try. You have created a nearly half century old self fulling prophecy. You've done this to yourself. You say you don't blame women but technically you are. "I don't approach because women don't have any interest in me." You have low self esteem and no confidence but are clearly in denial about it.That is what majority of your posts say. You have a defeatest attitude. Until you wake up and realize this....you're going to be a very unhappy man.
I have to agree with this. If the dude isn't into relationships, he wouldn't be posting here. But he posts here, and says women don't think he's attractive, even though he's decided not to give them a chance to do that. One thing about women, for a lot of 'em it's about what you have to say, how you treat 'em, whether you can make 'em laugh or if you can make interesting conversation. That's a lot of what constitutes "attraction" for them. So if you're always just a bump on a log to them, just dead weight, they won't have a chance to find out what you're about, and to dig that.

And even though you say you can observationally tell they're not into you, you can't know there's no woman in the world, or in your world, who'd ever be interested in you.

What Auraliea says is true; you're living a self-fulfilling prophecy.

So why're you here posting, dude? It looks like you have life the way you want it--you don't have to make any effort, and the tradeoff is that women leave you alone. You've got your sweet deal. What's your point on the forum, here? You're not complaining, you're just, what--announcing? Announcing what? The snow job you've done on yourself? This forum's about relationship issues, and helping people solve them. How do you see your role in that?
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Old 03-28-2015, 08:10 PM
 
2,183 posts, read 1,715,874 times
Reputation: 1826
Quote:
Originally Posted by Auraliea View Post
Reread my post.
I've reread it several times and I still don't get it. I don't blame anyone.
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Old 03-28-2015, 08:11 PM
 
4,035 posts, read 3,820,980 times
Reputation: 5314
Quote:
Originally Posted by jma501 View Post
Doesn't seem like it will make a difference.
Doesn't seem, based on what? Yeah, we know--your observations. What observations, exactly? You don't know if it'll make a difference until you try. And I'll tell you, with a lot of women, it won't. That's not the point. All of us strike out. But we keep on keepin' on, cuz we want female companionship and all that other good stuff. And sometimes, we hit home. That makes all the strikes worth it.
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Old 03-28-2015, 08:16 PM
 
4,035 posts, read 3,820,980 times
Reputation: 5314
Quote:
Originally Posted by jma501 View Post
I've reread it several times and I still don't get it. I don't blame anyone.
She means, you're saying you're alone bc you "observe" that women don't like you. You're placing the blame for your aloneness on women. You're giving up your own agency in the issue. What everyone's saying to you is that you're alone bc you choose to be passive, and relinquish your agency in your life. In this part of your life, you've decided not to make any effort. What if you did that in other areas? In employment. What if you decided you weren't going to the store to buy groceries, you were gonna wait for the groceries to come to you?
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Old 03-28-2015, 08:19 PM
 
Location: In a place beyond human comprehension
7,514 posts, read 4,781,721 times
Reputation: 12273
Quote:
Originally Posted by jma501 View Post
I've reread it several times and I still don't get it. I don't blame anyone.
Because you are in denial. Basically you want the woman to come to you but you won't even go to them.

Quote:
Originally Posted by NewbiePoster View Post
I have to agree with this. If the dude isn't into relationships, he wouldn't be posting here. But he posts here, and says women don't think he's attractive, even though he's decided not to give them a chance to do that. One thing about women, for a lot of 'em it's about what you have to say, how you treat 'em, whether you can make 'em laugh or if you can make interesting conversation. That's a lot of what constitutes "attraction" for them. So if you're always just a bump on a log to them, just dead weight, they won't have a chance to find out what you're about, and to dig that.

And even though you say you can observationally tell they're not into you, you can't know there's no woman in the world, or in your world, who'd ever be interested in you.

What Auraliea says is true; you're living a self-fulfilling prophecy.

So why're you here posting, dude? It looks like you have life the way you want it--you don't have to make any effort, and the tradeoff is that women leave you alone. You've got your sweet deal. What's your point on the forum, here? You're not complaining, you're just, what--announcing? Announcing what? The snow job you've done on yourself? This forum's about relationship issues, and helping people solve them. How do you see your role in that?
Exactly. Why are you here?

Clearly you want a relationship of some kind and your posts seems to be of the same thing over and over again...you're not helping anybody and you surely act like you don't want advice...so what is the point of all this? Are you trying show that you are different when 9 times out of 10 you're not? Not trying to be mean, I'm just trying to understand.
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Old 03-28-2015, 08:21 PM
 
1,614 posts, read 945,550 times
Reputation: 598
Quote:
Originally Posted by lordgunga View Post
I see so many women that I want to approach but I can't bring myself to do it. I want so badly to be able to be bold and brave but I'm ugly as hell and I know they won't accept me.

I'm terrified.

But I see so many guys do it.

How do you know she won't reject you and break you down right there?

How do you know she'll accept you?

And most importantly, how do you know if you're even good enough to be talking to her in the first place?

Please help.
May I ask how old are you? Do you mean approach women as complete strangers on the street? If so, I think many women would be frightened by a man who approached them say, as they are walking to their car or in a situation where they are just out on the street doing business and errands. So I don't know in what sort of situation you are talking about approaching women in. I don't think there are very many truly ugly human beings, especially not if you are under 35, unless you are extremely obese or something. I didn't read this entire thread, but just wondered if you could elaborate a little on your situation. When I was 18 (a long time ago) I had this guy ask me out 4 times and I told him no 3 times. He did not give up. He was going through my line where I worked as a cashier and he kept coming back again. I did wind up dating him for a good while. I was not attracted to him until after I had dated him for a while. I think women are that way - they need to know a person to be attracted to them.
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Old 03-28-2015, 08:22 PM
 
2,183 posts, read 1,715,874 times
Reputation: 1826
Quote:
Originally Posted by NewbiePoster View Post
I have to agree with this. If the dude isn't into relationships, he wouldn't be posting here. But he posts here, and says women don't think he's attractive, even though he's decided not to give them a chance to do that. One thing about women, for a lot of 'em it's about what you have to say, how you treat 'em, whether you can make 'em laugh or if you can make interesting conversation. That's a lot of what constitutes "attraction" for them. So if you're always just a bump on a log to them, just dead weight, they won't have a chance to find out what you're about, and to dig that.

And even though you say you can observationally tell they're not into you, you can't know there's no woman in the world, or in your world, who'd ever be interested in you.

What Auraliea says is true; you're living a self-fulfilling prophecy.

So why're you here posting, dude? It looks like you have life the way you want it--you don't have to make any effort, and the tradeoff is that women leave you alone. You've got your sweet deal. What's your point on the forum, here? You're not complaining, you're just, what--announcing? Announcing what? The snow job you've done on yourself? This forum's about relationship issues, and helping people solve them. How do you see your role in that?
I responded to a post and then answered the questions asked of me by other posters. Nothing more, nothing less.
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Old 03-28-2015, 08:24 PM
 
3,637 posts, read 2,676,079 times
Reputation: 4300
Quote:
Originally Posted by lordgunga View Post
How do you know she won't reject you and break you down right there?
You dont.

Quote:
Originally Posted by lordgunga View Post
How do you know she'll accept you?
You dont.

Quote:
Originally Posted by lordgunga View Post
how do you know if you're even good enough to be talking to her in the first place?
Because HE or SHE is not better than you are. And that has nothing to do with what sex you are - or what sex that other person is.

"They just aint all that" as the generation below me says
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Old 03-28-2015, 08:30 PM
 
2,183 posts, read 1,715,874 times
Reputation: 1826
Quote:
Originally Posted by NewbiePoster View Post
She means, you're saying you're alone bc you "observe" that women don't like you. You're placing the blame for your aloneness on women. You're giving up your own agency in the issue. What everyone's saying to you is that you're alone bc you choose to be passive, and relinquish your agency in your life. In this part of your life, you've decided not to make any effort. What if you did that in other areas? In employment. What if you decided you weren't going to the store to buy groceries, you were gonna wait for the groceries to come to you?
I am not blaming anyone. I look at as an "it is what it is" situation.
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Old 03-28-2015, 08:37 PM
 
4,035 posts, read 3,820,980 times
Reputation: 5314
Quote:
Originally Posted by jma501 View Post
I am not blaming anyone. I look at as an "it is what it is" situation.
That's your perception. Your observations are filtered through your mind. That can never be completely objective. Especially if like Auraleia says, you have some low self-esteem, or some other issue going on. But just be aware, how a dude comes across has a lot to do with whether women find him attractive. It's not all about looks. For some women, it's more about looks than for others. Some women, if you can show them some fun, or make them feel good about themselves, or have something interesting to say, you'll get their attention. You've decided to withdraw, and not show yourself to 'em, not show who you are. Unless you're some kind of wet blanket, there'll be women out there who'd be into you if you showed yourself to them.

Still not sure why you post here.
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