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I am currently in a long-distance relationship with a gentleman. He was in the military for a decent period of time- way before me. That was going to be his career- but sadly an injury halted those dreams.
We have only been dating for 6 months. He has not been employed throughout our courtship. Unemployed for about a year. He is as close to 100% as he is going to be- and there is no reason why he cannot work now.
He is very good with managing his money, and has never asked me for any. He pays his bills, and has great credit.
Here's my problem.....I am starting to wonder if he plans, anytime soon, to go back to work? We have discussed this, and he knows he needs to work. I never hear anything about him sending out a resume, if he even has one- interviews- anything! I love that he is able to manage his money to work for him, although, if we become more serious... I want to know that he will provide, if we ever get married, bare children, etc. I do not want to be the only "active" person in the relationship.
How do I go about this? Should I wait to see if he does become employed? He knows where I stand on this- every household- now-a-days-- have two working partners. I guess I just really want to assure myself, that he has that ambition. I wish there was some sort of test LOL
Any advice- suggestions? I want this to work-- well, er, him too. lol
You've only been dating for six months. That's way too soon to be thinking about getting married. Would you wait for him to propose to you on his own, or will you one day bring up the M word to him? Whatever you do, don't accept his marriage proposal until he gets a job. And don't marry him until he's on a good career path for at least a year. If you want to have kids and a house, you need to make sure that he's a productive human being and ready to be a full team member with you.
Um... I'd probably wait to express direct concerns until you get a solid feel for how the relationship is headed; i.e. Is one of you considering moving to be closer to the other, are we getting engaged, etc.
He was in the military, he's good with managing his money, he knows that he has to go back to work....he'll probably be fine. His injury may have thrown him for a temporary loop but it sounds like his work ethic is sound. If he should happen to propose to you and you should happen to accept, it should include a plan for how both of you plan to contribute. For now I'd suggest that you just enjoy getting to know him.
Also, he may be sending out resumes...but it isn't easy these days. It could possibly be a bit of a sore point with him---he may well have plans and ambitions but isn't going to open up about them at this point. He's probably still in the stage where he is trying to impress you and doesn't want to come off as being vulnerable or unsure.
But watch out. Some guys get in the mode of not working after being off for a considerable amount of time. And with a working spouse it's that much easier for them to fall into that mode and stay there. I see it in my area quite a bit, where work can be seasonal etc.
But watch out. Some guys get in the mode of not working after being off for a considerable amount of time. And with a working spouse it's that much easier for them to fall into that mode and stay there. I see it in my area quite a bit, where work can be seasonal etc.
... but it sounds like his work ethic is sound. ...
I respectfully disagree. When unemployed, you in fact have a full-time job. Your full-time job is: finding a job. If he is not diligently working full-time to find a job, I'd say his work ethic is suspect.
Marriage is far away from now.. 6 months is a lil to soon to be thinking about it...
Your right about your boyfriend needing a job.. But then again if you get on his case he might be annoyed with it, and might think different of you.. Asking him every once inawhile like, oh did you know so and so was hiring...
Going with it that way is much better then " Go get a job".. its kinda rude in a way...
Its very important that you both make imcomes, because yes in the FUTURE, if children appear and marriage their will be alot more bills, that need help paying..
You shouldnt be the only one working.. thats not right...
but one more time i wouldnt get all worked up, just ask him nicely and say a few things about it once an awhile.. Otherwise, thats about it..
I am currently in a long-distance relationship with a gentleman. He was in the military for a decent period of time- way before me. That was going to be his career- but sadly an injury halted those dreams.
We have only been dating for 6 months. He has not been employed throughout our courtship. Unemployed for about a year. He is as close to 100% as he is going to be- and there is no reason why he cannot work now.
He is very good with managing his money, and has never asked me for any. He pays his bills, and has great credit.
Here's my problem.....I am starting to wonder if he plans, anytime soon, to go back to work? We have discussed this, and he knows he needs to work. I never hear anything about him sending out a resume, if he even has one- interviews- anything! I love that he is able to manage his money to work for him, although, if we become more serious... I want to know that he will provide, if we ever get married, bare children, etc. I do not want to be the only "active" person in the relationship.
How do I go about this? Should I wait to see if he does become employed? He knows where I stand on this- every household- now-a-days-- have two working partners. I guess I just really want to assure myself, that he has that ambition. I wish there was some sort of test LOL
Any advice- suggestions? I want this to work-- well, er, him too. lol
thanks!- Confused
It's waaaaaaaaaaaay too soon to even be thinking about marriage. He's probably getting money from the military because of his injury so he doesn't feel a need to jump into the work scene. Or, maybe his injury is preventing him from working. At any rate, it's his business at this point.
We studied this in the company I worked for long ago....the longer someone is out of work, the harder it is for them to get off their duffs and go out and find a job. I dunno, I know this is going to sound nuts, but I was out of work from surgery for 7 weeks, and could not wait to get back to work...missed the interaction.
Also, I would give it time, sit back and go easy...keep an eye on things....ask him questions, like, hows the job hunting going...or, I suppose it must be kinda nerve racking mailing out all those resumes....hey, I heard monster.com and some other online agencies are incredibly good...is there anything I can do to help? And leave it, but encouragement goes a long way...and you could also ask him, aren't you bouncing off the walls not working? I would....
Encourage him, be supportive and give him compliments, as he probably needs it right now, and put marriage on the back burner, as perhaps he is going thru some depression and you could ask him if he is depressed. If he responds, then tell him that there is a pattern it runs, when you stay up real late, and sleep all the time. The first thing they tell you to do, is stay with the same hourse you had when you were working, get up and get yourself cleaned up. Is he watching TV all day, or is he doing productive things....?
and good luck
b/c it may not be a positive outcome.....in the meantime, keep yourself busy and don't obsesse with his problems....call him less...allow him time.
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