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Old 03-29-2015, 10:01 AM
 
94 posts, read 85,595 times
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So, I met a guy at a bar in October, and we started "hanging out". It became physical, but not as far as sex, pretty much right away. We have always had a lot of physical chemistry. At first we did some things like going to dinner together, but then it kind of evolved into mostly just hanging out late at night on Saturdays, either at his place or mine.

We basically did everything but actual intercourse [Mod cut.]. He is the first person that I had ever done any of that with, which he knows, and he also knows that I am a virgin and wasn't ready to have sex yet. So every time we hung out, it would basically be doing all of that other stuff, he would always make somewhat an attempt to go further (either asking or just making a "I really want to" type comment) but I never really felt pressure, and then we would always have a sleepover and basically cuddle all night.

This went on for several months, then things kind of died out, and we didn't see each other for more than a month. During that time, I started kind of regretting that I didn't just have sex with him, because I did really want it to happen eventually. I considered contacting him about it...but before I had decided if I wanted to, one night he randomly texted me and acted like he wanted to see me. We didn't end up seeing each other that weekend, but we did the following weekend. He came over to my apartment and it was the same scenario as always, only this time when he suggested sex I was more receptive...only neither of us had a condom. He asked if there was somewhere right nearby to get some, which there wasn't really, so we just didn't do it, but it was pretty clear that it would have happened otherwise. After that night, I figured that we would end up doing it sometime soon, but then the following weekend he didn't contact me...so I tried to initiate, but he didn't respond until late, and the response was just that he was tired and had to go to bed. Then this weekend, neither of us initiated.

Soooo, he must have lost interest...thoughts on why? It was pretty much a sure thing, so I figured that he would go for it after trying for about 5 months. I am a virgin and he isn't, but he never seemed bothered by that, he actually said that it was a turn on. But maybe when it really came down to it, that wasn't the case?

Last edited by PJSaturn; 03-30-2015 at 08:35 AM.. Reason: Details not PG-13.
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Old 03-29-2015, 10:05 AM
 
Location: So Cal
40,273 posts, read 39,816,573 times
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Of course... hand jobs suck after a while and if you're going do all of the above but not have sex, it's verging on idiotic.
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Old 03-29-2015, 10:09 AM
 
94 posts, read 85,595 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chowhound View Post
Of course... hand jobs suck after a while and if you're going do all of the above but not have sex, it's verging on idiotic.
tl;dr - He went along with the "everything but" thing for a long time. It was when it was clear that we would have sex the next time we saw each other, that he seems to have lost interest.

I wouldn't be confused if it was just that he dropped out because he got bored that I wasn't going further, I'm confused that it seems to be the opposite.
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Old 03-29-2015, 10:12 AM
 
3,769 posts, read 2,978,301 times
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This really wasn't a FWB scenario, because it sounds like you're not friends, and the benefits were limited. 5 months of "everything but" is a really long time.
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Old 03-29-2015, 10:13 AM
 
Location: Earth
4,564 posts, read 3,775,634 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chowhound View Post
Of course... hand jobs suck after a while and if you're going do all of the above but not have sex, it's verging on idiotic.
A bit blunt, but I have to agree. Unless you have a physical problem, like Vaginismus or something, then it does seem odd to engage in handjobs, oral, and everything else but then not intercourse.

But he probably did lose interest. If he was mainly interested in a sex buddy relation and you weren't giving intercourse and it always seemed to be a hassle, then he probably got frustrated and would rather not bother anymore and go for a woman who is more experienced.

Your situation wasn't a FWB. If there was no friendship, then it was a Sex Buddy arrangement, meaning you just meet to have sex, but there's no real emotional attachment. FWB usually the people are genuine friends first, who care for one another, then later it becomes sexual, but it's an extra/perk, not the main part of the relationship.

And who knows if he lost interest. He may just be busy. He may have work, family, or be seeing other women.
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Old 03-29-2015, 10:15 AM
 
Location: So Cal
40,273 posts, read 39,816,573 times
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It's women like the OP that just make me shake my head, I mean [Bleep] In my opinion [bleep] are way way more intimate that actual intercourse...

Who are these people that think they are fooling anyone.

Is it just some whack job Christian thing that I don't get???

Last edited by PJSaturn; 03-30-2015 at 08:38 AM.. Reason: Not PG-13.
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Old 03-29-2015, 10:22 AM
 
94 posts, read 85,595 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CapsChick View Post
This really wasn't a FWB scenario, because it sounds like you're not friends, and the benefits were limited. 5 months of "everything but" is a really long time.

Yeah, I don't really know how to define it. I mean, we talk/joke around a lot when we are together and know a lot about each other, and when we were solid we would text throughout the week. But no real attempt to see each other outside of weekend nights. I feel like FWB is the best way to describe that, but I don't know.


I get that 5 months of "everything but" is a long time, and that you guys don't understand my reasoning for that. I guess that I just don't understand guys, because like I already said, I would have understood if he had stopped trying to see me because of the lack of sex. But in actuality, he stopped trying to see me once it was clear that I would have sex with him the next time we saw each other. Why spend 5 months trying, then drop out just short of it happening?
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Old 03-29-2015, 10:24 AM
 
Location: Earth
4,564 posts, read 3,775,634 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chowhound View Post
It's women like the OP that just make me shake my head, I mean [Bleep] but not sex..... In my opinion [Bleep] are way way more intimate that actual intercourse...

Who are these people that think they are fooling anyone.

Is it just some whack job Christian thing that I don't get???
I am religious, and I don't agree with that lol But then again, many probably do, and see it as a loophole. I think [Bleep] is a more intimate activity. [Bleep.]

Quote:
Originally Posted by BeatsEnvy View Post
Yeah, I don't really know how to define it. I mean, we talk/joke around a lot when we are together and know a lot about each other, and when we were solid we would text throughout the week. But no real attempt to see each other outside of weekend nights. I feel like FWB is the best way to describe that, but I don't know.


I get that 5 months of "everything but" is a long time, and that you guys don't understand my reasoning for that. I guess that I just don't understand guys, because like I already said, I would have understood if he had stopped trying to see me because of the lack of sex. But in actuality, he stopped trying to see me once it was clear that I would have sex with him the next time we saw each other. Why spend 5 months trying, then drop out just short of it happening?
It was a Sex Buddy relation. People throw around the word friend loosely.

A friend is someone who actually cares about you. They love you, there for you, you can count on one another. It's almost like secondary family. There's genuine love there. You care about the person as a person.

You and this guy weren't "Friends." And if he would drop you like that, it shows he wasn't your friend. You 2 were acquaintances at best. I talked to girls in school, and we'd laugh and joke around. But we never saw one another when not in school. Not much of a friendship. We could just get along for a bit in the given circumstances.

Last edited by PJSaturn; 03-30-2015 at 08:40 AM.. Reason: Not PG-13.
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Old 03-29-2015, 10:25 AM
 
Location: So Cal
40,273 posts, read 39,816,573 times
Reputation: 41745
Quote:
Originally Posted by VanillaChocolate View Post
A bit blunt, but I have to agree. Unless you have a physical problem, like Vaginismus or something, then it does seem odd to engage in handjobs, oral, and everything else but then not intercourse.

But he probably did lose interest. If he was mainly interested in a sex buddy relation and you weren't giving intercourse and it always seemed to be a hassle, then he probably got frustrated and would rather not bother anymore and go for a woman who is more experienced.

Your situation wasn't a FWB. If there was no friendship, then it was a Sex Buddy arrangement, meaning you just meet to have sex, but there's no real emotional attachment. FWB usually the people are genuine friends first, who care for one another, then later it becomes sexual, but it's an extra/perk, not the main part of the relationship.

And who knows if he lost interest. He may just be busy. He may have work, family, or be seeing other women.
I was being blunt on purpose.

I find the holding out for sex thing but doing everything else about as stupid as it gets... I can' make it anymore apparent how dumb it is.... LOL...

I mean who is the person fooling??? Does God or whatever think that just because a penis doesn't pass the vag that somehow they are more pure... I mean give a friggin break.....
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Old 03-29-2015, 10:28 AM
 
3,769 posts, read 2,978,301 times
Reputation: 7498
Quote:
Originally Posted by BeatsEnvy View Post
Why spend 5 months trying, then drop out just short of it happening?
Only he can answer that. There are several possibilities. Two that come to mind: he changed his mind about having sex with a virgin with whom he was not in a relationship; he's getting sex elsewhere. But this is just speculation, and if you really want to know, you should ask him.
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