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Old 04-02-2015, 10:25 AM
 
4,828 posts, read 4,271,640 times
Reputation: 4766

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Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742 View Post
Might not work for you (or apply to you), but in my early 30s I had a former lover who became a friend (she still is), really provide me some constructive feedback (I didn't solicit it) on my apartment decorating style. There were things I never considered that turned women off (I later asked other women that came into my life about about it, and they almost all agreed). You might consider doing the same. None of the changes fundamentally changed the space from my space, but it made it more welcoming.

One example was that I was used to small bedrooms or studios, and I had gotten into the habit of putting the bed against the wall, so you got in and out at the end or on one side. The other side was against the wall. This, it seemed, visually and vibe wise turned women off as she said it leads to women feeling a bit trapped (which was odd to me since I usually slept on the inner side). So, I changed the layout so there is room to get in and out on both sides. This seemed to help.

Again, you're probably way beyond this, but its just a thought.
You can roll off both sides on my bed. I live in a 800sq ft one bedroom, so I have a bedroom, kitchen, and living room. My kitchen also houses my mountain bike, so sometimes dirt gets tracked in as well. I'm not the best at sweeping it up everyday, because I live by myself.

I've asked the women that have been to my apartment what they thought. They all said the same thing. It's on the small side and doesn't have the inviting feel, but at the same time you're a bachelor as well. They said they would be more concerned if it was heavily decorated and I had no woman in my life. I did move my couches around to open up my living room, because my girlfriend at the time said she felt a little boxed in. She also had a vested interest in my life so I paid attention to what she said that would make her feel more comfortable.

They also went ahead and said that at the end of the day, they were just nit picking things that don't matter in the grand scheme of things. They said you could have a really nice and decorated apartment, but treat me terribly. That wouldn't make them feel very special at all.

So, in the end, they told me that you have to just be you and accept the consequences. Yeah, you're apartment is not big enough for an us, but you have always been vocal that if there is ever an us, you are willing to move into something more accommodating or move in with your partner.

I've actually gotten a lot of positive feedback from women who had been divorced in the last 5 years. Their husbands didn't treat them as well, so they had to learn to not sweat someone's living situation and pay attention to how they're being treated.

The women that had never been married were the ones that had more scrutiny on my place, because they were looking for the overall best fit. Neither subset of person is wrong, but I can tell that I jive a lot better with a 30 year old divorced woman than a 30 year old woman who's never been married.

I'm no longer in the business to continuously keep jumping through hoops, you know?
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Old 04-02-2015, 10:36 AM
 
Location: U.S.A.
19,638 posts, read 20,130,445 times
Reputation: 28747
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter View Post
Okay, y'all know who I am and my views on marriage and children. I was talking with a female friend about my lack of a dating life and my not being interested in marriage or children and she asked me straight up, why would you bother with a relationship anyway since you don't want it to go anywhere significant? That got me thinking, why would any woman date me since I likely won't marry her or have a family with her? I know for companionship but that can only go so far right?
An older woman may be what you need. It usually takes some serious living for a woman to get to that point where she at peace with herself & no longer struggling to fit into the fairytale.. (There are plenty of women out there who can't have children // or don't need to.) Knowing what you want & maintaining the vision of it means you can custom create your relationships better to suit your needs. *Love exists* in infinite forms + fashions, and everyone is worthy of the experience.
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Old 04-02-2015, 10:39 AM
 
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,838,343 times
Reputation: 40634
Quote:
Originally Posted by weezerfan84 View Post
You can roll off both sides on my bed. I live in a 800sq ft one bedroom, so I have a bedroom, kitchen, and living room. My kitchen also houses my mountain bike, so sometimes dirt gets tracked in as well. I'm not the best at sweeping it up everyday, because I live by myself.

I've asked the women that have been to my apartment what they thought. They all said the same thing. It's on the small side and doesn't have the inviting feel, but at the same time you're a bachelor as well. They said they would be more concerned if it was heavily decorated and I had no woman in my life. I did move my couches around to open up my living room, because my girlfriend at the time said she felt a little boxed in. She also had a vested interest in my life so I paid attention to what she said that would make her feel more comfortable.

They also went ahead and said that at the end of the day, they were just nit picking things that don't matter in the grand scheme of things. They said you could have a really nice and decorated apartment, but treat me terribly. That wouldn't make them feel very special at all.

So, in the end, they told me that you have to just be you and accept the consequences. Yeah, you're apartment is not big enough for an us, but you have always been vocal that if there is ever an us, you are willing to move into something more accommodating or move in with your partner.

I've actually gotten a lot of positive feedback from women who had been divorced in the last 5 years. Their husbands didn't treat them as well, so they had to learn to not sweat someone's living situation and pay attention to how they're being treated.

The women that had never been married were the ones that had more scrutiny on my place, because they were looking for the overall best fit. Neither subset of person is wrong, but I can tell that I jive a lot better with a 30 year old divorced woman than a 30 year old woman who's never been married.

I'm no longer in the business to continuously keep jumping through hoops, you know?


Fair enough. It was just a thought.

And 800' is on the small size, LOL! That is a gigantic one bedroom around here. It would be a min $2000, most likely more if anything was updated.
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Old 04-02-2015, 10:42 AM
 
Location: D.C.
2,913 posts, read 2,437,454 times
Reputation: 4005
I totally understand how you feel. I was in the same predicament as you. On the positive side, you have more options than I did when I was your age. At the risk of many negative comments, I'll once again suggest OLD. At least then you know how they stand on children. I'll be honest, I've found it VERY difficult. There seem to be a number of women who want to be child-free on this site, but that was not at all my experience IRL. I was in a three-year relationship with someone who initially was very opposed to kids but then changed her mind. I'd just say keep trying and don't give up. I've been with a woman now who is a widow and does not want more kids (she has a grown daughter) and she isn't that interested marriage either, so they do exist.
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Old 04-02-2015, 10:42 AM
 
Location: So Cal
52,007 posts, read 52,457,444 times
Reputation: 52520
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742 View Post
Fair enough. It was just a thought.

And 800' is on the small size, LOL! That is a gigantic one bedroom around here. It would be a min $2000, most likely more if anything was updated.
Try finding an 800 sq ft one bedroom in an area like say Santa Monica, Ca.... LOL..... hope you got some big bucks buddy.
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Old 04-02-2015, 10:50 AM
 
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,838,343 times
Reputation: 40634
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chowhound View Post
Try finding an 800 sq ft one bedroom in an area like say Santa Monica, Ca.... LOL..... hope you got some big bucks buddy.

Yeah, I'm not sure I've ever seen one here in Boston and I didn't in SF. I'm sure they exist, but I don't hang with the rich.
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Old 04-02-2015, 11:12 AM
 
Location: So Cal
52,007 posts, read 52,457,444 times
Reputation: 52520
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742 View Post
Yeah, I'm not sure I've ever seen one here in Boston and I didn't in SF. I'm sure they exist, but I don't hang with the rich.
LOL, I make good money, but not rich money......

Need to figure out a way to get this thread back on track.
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Old 04-02-2015, 11:15 AM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
29,696 posts, read 34,240,753 times
Reputation: 76906
I have a 2-br house and I don't even think it's 800 sq ft.
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Old 04-02-2015, 11:19 AM
 
4,828 posts, read 4,271,640 times
Reputation: 4766
Dating without the hopes of marriage or children is very much so possible, but you are searching for something that tends to go against what society deems normal. Someone had to reproduce to create us, so I see their point. I'm on the fence on if I want children or not. I've been single so long, that I haven't exactly been able to imagine myself as a parent of a newborn. I hope that didn't come out too confusing.

When you meet that special person though, everything does seem to make sense, if it's just for a short amount of time. Just keep putting yourself out there and trying, because we all know it's not going to happen if you aren't putting yourself in the game.
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Old 04-02-2015, 11:23 AM
 
Location: Canada
11,771 posts, read 11,986,606 times
Reputation: 30284
Quote:
Originally Posted by weezerfan84 View Post
Sometimes it seems as two people who have potential to work are too afraid to let their guard down and take a risk. It's like everyone is dating and looking for a unicorn.
This, and many people in general can't seem to let their guard down and/or aren't willing to take a risk. Life is about risk, so are dating and relationships. I swear some people believe that unless they can guarantee that everything will work out, they'd rather not chance it at all.
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