Ever met an ex again and wonder what you ever saw in them? (movies, boyfriend)
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Once the love blinders are off, all the flaws are laid bare.
Quote:
Originally Posted by caverunner17;
Yep.
Looking back, my most recent ex was a extremely selfish, self-centered person. She was fun to be around, at times, but holy crap I made a few big mistakes waiting around for her to grow the hell up.
That's not the issue here, though. She went through a major personality change, due to a death in the family. It's not about him suddenly noticing qualities that had been there all along.
Dude, it sounds like she hasn't been able to move past the grief over losing her mom. That's really young to lose a parent. Have a heart, man. It's kinda cold to just write her off as some loser, when it seems pretty obvious that she's fallen into depression due to the personal loss. If you were a friend, you could've asked her if she was ok, and suggested she get some grief counseling, or something.
This isn't about people going through changes in their 20's, like a normal thing. This is someone who's fallen into a serious funk, and can't get out. Somebody needs to offer them a leg up. How's her dad dealing with the loss? Maybe they're both depressed, and are feeding each other's depression.
Exactly what I was thinking as well.
But, to answer the actual question, aside from the back story of what your ex is going through (which isn't a fair judgment of who she is due to the circumstances)...
No, I wouldn't wonder. I am proud to have my ex as an ex, meaning I'm proud of his accomplishments in life now. He was in a rut and us being together, we got him out. He is doing so much better in life now and I am proud of him. I was there for him, brought him back up when he was in the gutter, when he was feeling hopeless (failing classes and on depression meds and all), unfortunately it wasn't reciprocated. The only "regret" I can have is I should have walked-away earlier.
If we are both single now and he asked me back, I still wouldn't date him, not because I think he's a "loser". In a way, I think he's actually a great catch. Who ever he ends up with is lucky...if she is willing to put up with his one specific trait that I couldn't. My ex and I not compatible. We have different values on a certain topic and it took a toll on us, that's why it ended and that is that.
I hope you realize that who you date is a reflection of who you are, in one way or the other.
So if you think that you dated a "loser", what does that say about who you were?
That's not the issue here, though. She went through a major personality change, due to a death in the family. It's not about him suddenly noticing qualities that had been there all along.
Dude, it sounds like she hasn't been able to move past the grief over losing her mom. That's really young to lose a parent. Have a heart, man. It's kinda cold to just write her off as some loser, when it seems pretty obvious that she's fallen into depression due to the personal loss. If you were a friend, you could've asked her if she was ok, and suggested she get some grief counseling, or something.
This isn't about people going through changes in their 20's, like a normal thing. This is someone who's fallen into a serious funk, and can't get out. Somebody needs to offer them a leg up. How's her dad dealing with the loss? Maybe they're both depressed, and are feeding each other's depression.
Her dad has never been around to my knowledge. The thing is - it's been two years and it's like she's just completely stopped living life.
My three ex's now I wish I never met. Two of them cheated on me and my recent one dumped me to go back to her ex husband that cheated on her. Dating sucks. Whatever
Her dad has never been around to my knowledge. The thing is - it's been two years and it's like she's just completely stopped living life.
Personal grief does not have a timeline just because you think it should.
If her dad has never been around, that means her entire parental support system is gone and she is probably questioning, "Where do I go from here? Who do I even belong to anymore?"
I met my fiance a couple of years after his two week old son passed.... It's been about six years since it happened.... and there are times when he still isn't okay and cries about the life that was lost. Grief just isn't a uniform thing where you should "be over it" by X years.
I did with an ex, unlike the case of OP. We were each other's first love when we broke off, happened to meet some years later, went out few times and I knew he wanted to get back together. I wasn't sure about it until one day while having dinner, he tried to convince me by telling what a good catch he is, good looking, great career, got a car now, successful and all. Sure he is all that, but then I realized things changed and wondered what I saw in this boastful man.
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