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Been with my GF for eight months and the pros def outweigh the cons.
She has been with a total of one person since we have been together and is bisexual. And I have been with a total of two girls/women.
I can understand a much greater issue if you are seeing many people. But thats not the case with us.
It gives variety and freedom. Until the day I commit fully to her, If indend I do. Then of course this would cease.
This is the best relationship I have ever been in. Enlighten me why this is not more common. Esp given the circumstances of our relationship, which is not that uncommon.
Most people who feel mature enough to attempt a relationship also feel mature enough to keep their privates zipped.
LOL this is what I mean...for people that can only accept one normal way as how things just ARE, and have a hard time with what someone else might want to do, you'll look at someone else's way and find it threatening to the point of making nasty comments about it...that's silly! No one is asking YOU to do something or accept something into your household that isn't your thing.
My aunt and uncle. They were swingers. They had a fantastic marriage, loved one another dearly until the day he died. They had agreed upon parameters to this, they would go on retreats. Sex with another person while on these vacations, was fine...a RELATIONSHIP with another person was not! Communication is key. As long as you're truthful with yourself and your SO and respect each others' needs and wishes, if you are into something unconventional, it matters not one bit if half the posters on a forum on the internet say, "Nuh-uh, THAT ain't a RELATIONSHIP!" Psh.
I've known polyamorous couples, I've known people in very open relationships. As long as they are both LEGITIMATELY cool with it and not just pretending to be, to please the other one, it's good.
You get someone who cannot be satisfied with one partner, spending decades being faithful for the kids' sake, or because they actually do love the spouse enough to not want to destroy them...eventually it's going to fall apart. They will likely cheat, or at least endeavor to end the relationship someday so they can be free. Why do they marry in the first place? Because LIFE is complicated. Sometimes it just is not as simple as the basic rules you guys seem to think apply. If it were really that simple, no one would ever cheat, or divorce, or anything...all relationships would flow smoothly and perfectly. But no. Life is messy, and human, and full of conflicts and hard choices.
Open relationships work for some people, but not for most for a variety of reasons, usually because we're conditioned by society to believe monogamy is the only acceptable model to follow. IMO, it's not just for before marriage, but for afterwards as well, OP.
My wife proposed an open relationship. For my benefit - she wasn't going to pursue it even if I did. Instead, I suggested we get into swinging, which turned out to be great fun for us both. Years later, we don't do much with swinging anymore, but our relationship is partly open - mostly for my benefit, as she originally suggested. We discuss every possible new partner before deciding anything, as our relationship is the priority at all times.
the majority of people DO see multiple people before becoming committed. That's what dating is.
Agreed. Once the 2 are an official couple, that's when many will want the monogamy to start lol
But health reasons is another thing. If I am seriously dating someone, then chances are we have both been tested, and shown as clean. So I shouldn't have to worry about getting something because my partner is still out messing around with alot of different women simultaneously.
Monogamy isn't for everyone. But thing is, if mono isn't for you, don't lie or try to date someone under the pretense that you agree with it. That's where many will be faulted. Instead of entering a relationship, then running around in secret, would have been better if you just stayed single and slept around, or find a partner who's on the same page.
Stuff like this probably should come up early in the dating phase, so you can both lay on the table what you were looking for, and your beliefs on sex and relationships.
Last edited by HappyRain; 04-07-2015 at 04:23 PM..
If you are in a committed relationship, banging other people should not be part of it. If you want to bang other people, be single and do so
Quote:
Originally Posted by jacktheknife
... its polygamy and an invitation for distrust, disease and resentment
So you believe that someone who is single and "bangs other people" is somehow less likely to contract a disease than someone in an open relationship (who is often more likely to understand the risks and practice safe sex than someone who "bangs" away)?
That is a very naive position.
I'm not in an open relationship, and I do have an opinion about them, but I don't see how MY opinion can possibly be relevant to the circumstances of someone I've never even met.
It's normal human nature to be sexually attracted to someone else even if you're in a committed relationship. Humans were never meant to be totally monogamous. This concept was brought on upon religion and social constructs. If anything, a couple that engages in an open relationship most likely trust each other and are very comfortable with one another.
By nature I'm polygamous, and such an arrangement would be mandatory in a potential relationship.
Been with my GF for eight months and the pros def outweigh the cons.
She has been with a total of one person since we have been together and is bisexual. And I have been with a total of two girls/women.
I can understand a much greater issue if you are seeing many people. But thats not the case with us.
It gives variety and freedom. Until the day I commit fully to her, If indend I do. Then of course this would cease.
This is the best relationship I have ever been in. Enlighten me why this is not more common. Esp given the circumstances of our relationship, which is not that uncommon.
I think if you are in a relationship with someone and you are working towards marriage, there should be no one else in that relationship but the two of you.
I would not say she is your gf. I would say you all are dating w/o being exclusive, and yes, people do that all the time.
Now others may think that it is still a relationship and call it this open relationship. I do not believe those two words belong with one another but that is just my opinion. Everyone has one (an opinion) and I am sure if you like sleeping with more than one person at a time you believe in it.
Maybe your gf has not been with anyone and just says she has to go along with your open relationship so she can keep you.
When I think of my daughter do I think of her being in something like an open relationship? No. I see that as being in a relationship and cheating on your SO. Just my opinion. I think it is a cause for a lot of hurt down the line.
It is ok while people are dating.... people see and have sex with multiple partners. The only difference between dating and a commit relationship is an agreement between two individuals.
What that agreement entails is really none of anyone else's' business.
As to why its not more common? It is a lot more common than people think. Society views lifestyle choices outside the norm in a negative manner. People loose friends and families over such lifestyle choices. As such, couples have to make a choice... adopt the so called "normal" lifestyle, "hide" your chosen lifestyle, or live your chosen lifestyle accepting whatever happens. Many couples to keep that part of their lives private.... understandably so.
I admitted to my then future wife but it was clear that she was not interested. As such, I entered into a committed and closed relationship willingly because her companionship is that important to me. If someday in the future she changes her mind, that is for us to decide behind closed doors (I highly doubt it will ever even come up for discussion).
To the OP, have fun with your shared relationship now. When the both of you are ready to commit to each other, have a good long series of discussion over the subject... come to a mutual agreement that you both can live with. You have no one else to answer to but yourselves.
Last edited by usayit; 04-11-2015 at 02:44 PM..
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