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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,962,945 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TenorSax83
Interested in that you were physically attracted to them, and then approached. Like you said, you have approached many times and if you 'click', great! If not, oh well. But, you won't know unless you initiate it.
No no no
I approach for a date after there a connection and some attraction. Until there is that, I would have no reason to approach as there is no attraction.
Just because someone is decent or good looking, I'm not going to just walk up to them and ask them out! That's silliness. I have no idea if I even have anything in common! Good looking women are a dime a dozen, if I'm going to ask someone just because they're cute, I'd ask 10-20 people out a day. That doesn't make any sense.
Seriously. Asking someone out you know nothing about and have no connection with just because they have a nice smile and good hair? That's pretty desperate crap. It's a good way to fail at making connections too. Thinking someone is physically good looking and finding them attractive aren't the same thing at all. I have no idea why people keep confusing those two things.
What Timberline is saying that older women, say past 25, get very freaked out by that kind of approach. It's deemed inappropriate and intrudes on their personal space. It's the best way to end up being the butt end of a conversation with their husband or female friends. Sure, they're appreciative of the interest, yet when they're not expecting the attention, it can rub them the wrong way.
I get that. If they feel it is inappropriate, then they can simply decline. But if you see someone you like, you shouldn't let that stop you (their relationship status is not known to you). Or you can have your options limited to online interactions and from these threads, it's seems like everybody is complaining about those experiences.
I get that. If they feel it is inappropriate, then they can simply decline. But if you see someone you like, you shouldn't let that stop you (their relationship status is not known to you). Or you can have your options limited to online interactions and from these threads, it's seems like everybody is complaining about those experiences.
Do you really believe that walking up behind a woman, who doesn't even know you're there, and asking her to coffee is an appropriate and effective way to approach someone? I wouldn't have agreed to it even if I wasn't married.
I approach for a date after there a connection and some attraction. Until there is that, I would have no reason to approach as there is no attraction.
Just because someone is decent or good looking, I'm not going to just walk up to them and ask them out! That's silliness. I have no idea if I even have anything in common! Good looking women are a dime a dozen, if I'm going to ask someone just because they're cute, I'd ask 10-20 people out a day. That doesn't make any sense.
Seriously. Asking someone out you know nothing about and have no connection with just because they have a nice smile and good hair? That's pretty desperate crap. It's a good way to fail at making connections too. Thinking someone is physically good looking and finding them attractive aren't the same thing at all. I have no idea why people keep confusing those two things.
I totally disagree with you. It's silly, if you want to approach somebody, and then don't because of some preconceived personal philosophy about relationships and dating. Why have you done it many times before? Were you being silly then? So men should never approach women except for those instances when there is time to establish a personal connection, and where will you meet these women outside of work, online? Meet up groups? If your view works, why are there so many people complaining about OLD and other threads where many women are pissed that the only guys who approach them are sleazeballs? They frequently say they would rather be approached by decent guys, so maybe you should be that guy.
Do you really believe that walking up behind a woman, who doesn't even know you're there, and asking her to coffee is an appropriate and effective way to approach someone? I wouldn't have agreed to it even if I wasn't married.
And you can decline. Do you really believe that the best route is for all guys everywhere to stop approaching? You sound like all the other guys on here who list a million excuses as to why they don't approach, and then they are countered by women posters who say "how can I decide, if I'm not asked?". So which is it?
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,962,945 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by TenorSax83
I totally disagree with you. It's silly, if you want to approach somebody, and then don't because of some preconceived personal philosophy about relationships and dating. Why have you done it many times before? Were you being silly then? So men should never approach women except for those instances when there is time establish a personal connection, and where will you meet these women outside of work, online? Meet up groups? If your view works, why are there so many people complaining about OLD and other threads where many women are pissed that the only guys who approach them are sleazeballs? They frequently say they would rather be approached by decent guys, so maybe you should be that guy.
Or keep doing what you've been doing.
I have no idea what you are talking about. I never did something before, now don't do it.
I do approach people for dates. But I'm not going to ask someone on a date I'm not attracted to. And I'm not going to be attracted to someone I've not spoken to, or know nothing about. There is nothing to be attracted to at that point. This is a rather simple concept, to me.
Personally, I think OLD works great. I've had great luck with it. I have no idea why so many people complain about it.
But the last person I dated I met at a lounge/bar, she sat next to me, we talked, and hit it off. There was a connection. We went from there. The person before we were at the same bus stop and just started chatting. There was a connection, and I was attracted, so I approached her for a date. Went from there. In both those cases I approached for a date when I found myself attracted to them after we talked for a bit.
What I've done works fairly well. I've made some great connections this way. Asking out random strangers I'm not attracted to doesn't make any sense to me.
And you can decline. Do you really believe that the best route is for all guys everywhere to stop approaching? You sound like all the other guys on here who list a million excuses as to why they don't approach, and then they are countered by women posters who say "how can I decide, if I'm not asked?". So which is it?
I don't recommend anyone ask another out on a date without establishing a connection. He didn't even say hello for heaven's sake!
Messaged about 30-40 women with some sincere messageds ased on their profiles. Chatted with about 5-7 that responded. Went on first dates with 3. Been dating the last one I went out with for 8 months. Couldn't be happier.
OKcupid was the site. We still joke about how we met and what we had to go through before going on our first date which we hit it off perfectly.
Potlucks are still around, I have been several potluck.
Where do you go to meet people you don't know though potlucks on a regular basis?
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742
Though the grocery store thing is odd to me. I've never had an involved conversation in a grocery store and can't imagine it happening. I would have no reason to ask, or have any desire to ask, someone out that I haven't talked to for a bit... because there wouldn't be any potential for attraction.
Must be a southern thing. People run into each other at the store and have nice long conversations.
Guessing you're single.
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742
I guess he thought there was a shot. I just don't "get it". I know nothing about the person. I don't know if we have any chemistry, anything to talk about, any rapport at all. The only think I know about them is how they physically look. That's not even close to enough knowledge to ask someone out. If it was, I'd be asking 10 people out a day.
It's called opening your mouth and having a conversation. Chemistry, rapport, and so on isn't some sort of mystical voodoo. Nor is it some long drawn out process. Most of this stuff can be figured out within the first minute. With most women it only takes seconds.
Seems a number of the people on this forum are very different from the person I am. If you tell yourself something is a certain way or awkward or uncomfortable it certainly will be.
PS. Younger people don't use Facebook much anymore.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TenorSax83
I totally disagree with you. It's silly, if you want to approach somebody, and then don't because of some preconceived personal philosophy about relationships and dating.
So men should never approach women except for those instances when there is time establish a personal connection, and where will you meet these women outside of work, online? Meet up groups?
If your view works, why are there so many people complaining about OLD and other threads where many women are pissed that the only guys who approach them are sleazeballs? They frequently say they would rather be approached by decent guys, so maybe you should be that guy.
By their same logic you'd never meet many people ever because there has to be a connection in the first place. Somebody has to speak to the other person first. Also I think they are confusing reading a profile & sharing interests in on OLD is the same thing as having a connection.
I'm assuming most of the "sleazeballs" are people who held their sort of views, refused to change when it wasn't working, and then somehow blame the OLD people. So then you get the polar opposite behavior out of the person. It all reminds me of the guys go around calling themselves nice guys who complain women won't date them.
FYI if you're already talking to someone you can't approach them for a date since you've already approached or been approached.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,962,945 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by Port Pitt Ash
It's called opening your mouth and having a conversation. Chemistry, rapport, and so on isn't some sort of mystical voodoo. Nor is it some long drawn out process. Most of this stuff can be figured out within the first minute. With most women it only takes seconds.
And when it is appropriate, I have them. Thank you.
And no, I don't know in the first minute. I have to get beyond the fake pleasantries crap, and into something of substance. Really talk to someone.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Port Pitt Ash
Must be a southern thing. People run into each other at the store and have nice long conversations.
If you're in Asheville NC (where I've spent a fair amount of time, one of my best friends lives there) it isn't any different from where I live that I saw (but everyday life is different from visiting). I also can't recall running into anyone I know at a grocery store in years. People are getting in, trying to navigate people clogging up aisles with their carts and kids, and getting into line and getting the heck out. It's a chore, not a relaxing time to socialize. I'm certainly not going to strike up conversations with random strangers trying to get out of the way, getting their crap done, and getting out.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Port Pitt Ash
FYI if you're already talking to someone you can't approach them for a date since you've already approached or been approached.
This also makes no sense. Just because I'm talking to someone doesn't mean I can't approach them for a date. Indeed, I wouldn't approach someone otherwise.
Last edited by timberline742; 04-21-2015 at 11:08 AM..
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