My fiance had an affair and now has a child (Christian, boyfriend)

[starbuckslover1]

First let me start by saying I am a mother to a 5 year old and reside with my fiancé. We have been through ups and downs as most relationships , but nothing to horrible. About 3 years ago I received a message through social media that my child was going to have a sibling. I was absolutely devastated, after speaking with my fiancé he told me it was not his child and the girl was crazy. This instantly told me there was more to the story so I began to do some investigating. After so much I ultimately found out that during a short few months of our break up a few years back he hooked up with a woman who he met going out with friends. She was one of those girls that were there to party with everyone and was getting paid for the entertainment, for some reason he formed some sort of relationship with her, had sex several times during our break up with her. She then contacted him when she realized she was pregnant saying that he might be the father, she was unsure because she was also in a relationship with someone at the time. Well needless to say when the baby was born she had her boyfriend tested and it was not his child. She also had a few other guys tested and now my fiancé is the last one that is suspected of being the father. In my opinion he is the father , he looks just like that child. She has filed for child support and paternity testing, but he refuses to respond to any of it. I will keep details private, but due to the type of woman she is he wants to avoid the situation at all cost. I do not agree with this, its a hard pill to swallow knowing that someone I love and had a child with can feel this way to a child he may have brought into this world. I am a Christian and I believe all children are gods children and no child is a mistake, but a gift from god. Its not fair that this child will potentially grown up with out a father due to issues the adults have with each other. I have offered to be there for him and go every step of the way to ensure that its a smooth transition. I decided that if it is his kid we will wait until the right time to introduce the child to ours and that I believe he needs to do the right thing. I told him even if he is a parent to the child not involving us it still is ok. I mean at least take the test and send a check right? Well he is not budging, I am not conflicted because my child is very close with his father and I would have to "break" up our family, but I can not see myself being with someone who does not take care of there children. There is a lot of people he would have to answer to such as his family about this little 3 year old out there and the disappointment they will have in him is scary. I feel I have done all I can to try and help this little 3 year old have its father. My girlfriends think I should reach out to the mother, but I feel its not my place or my responsibility. Am I wrong to break up with my fiancé and break up my family due to his lack of heart and morals? What do people do in these situations? I do not know anyone who has been through this....

[roadpony]

I've asked the Mods to move this to the Relationships forum. Best wishes to you in this difficult situation.

[LLN]

The return key is your friend!

[LRoyal10900]

He can only "not respond" to Child Support for so long before they come looking for him. Remind him, that child didn't ask to be here, but just like your child, he's responsible for it. He'd be better off stepping up, going to child support and facing his obligations.....than wait and letting it all come back and bite him in the but.

As for remaining with him---I wouldn't want to, now that you know how he is...but...if you leave, will he stand by his obligations to YOUR child?

[CSD610]

Originally Posted by starbuckslover1

First let me start by saying I am a mother to a 5 year old and reside with my fiancé. We have been through ups and downs as most relationships , but nothing to horrible. About 3 years ago I received a message through social media that my child was going to have a sibling. I was absolutely devastated, after speaking with my fiancé he told me it was not his child and the girl was crazy. This instantly told me there was more to the story so I began to do some investigating. After so much I ultimately found out that during a short few months of our break up a few years back he hooked up with a woman who he met going out with friends. She was one of those girls that were there to party with everyone and was getting paid for the entertainment, for some reason he formed some sort of relationship with her, had sex several times during our break up with her. She then contacted him when she realized she was pregnant saying that he might be the father, she was unsure because she was also in a relationship with someone at the time. Well needless to say when the baby was born she had her boyfriend tested and it was not his child. She also had a few other guys tested and now my fiancé is the last one that is suspected of being the father. In my opinion he is the father , he looks just like that child. She has filed for child support and paternity testing, but he refuses to respond to any of it. I will keep details private, but due to the type of woman she is he wants to avoid the situation at all cost. I do not agree with this, its a hard pill to swallow knowing that someone I love and had a child with can feel this way to a child he may have brought into this world. I am a Christian and I believe all children are gods children and no child is a mistake, but a gift from god. Its not fair that this child will potentially grown up with out a father due to issues the adults have with each other. I have offered to be there for him and go every step of the way to ensure that its a smooth transition. I decided that if it is his kid we will wait until the right time to introduce the child to ours and that I believe he needs to do the right thing. I told him even if he is a parent to the child not involving us it still is ok. I mean at least take the test and send a check right? Well he is not budging, I am not conflicted because my child is very close with his father and I would have to "break" up our family, but I can not see myself being with someone who does not take care of there children. There is a lot of people he would have to answer to such as his family about this little 3 year old out there and the disappointment they will have in him is scary. I feel I have done all I can to try and help this little 3 year old have its father. My girlfriends think I should reach out to the mother, but I feel its not my place or my responsibility. Am I wrong to break up with my fiancé and break up my family due to his lack of heart and morals? What do people do in these situations? I do not know anyone who has been through this....

Paragraphs are your friend and if your "Fiance" had an affair and has a child with another woman why are you still referring to them as your "Fiance"?

[goolsbyjazz]

Difficult scenario indeed, but are you sure this is the right place to seek that type of sensitive advice? Besides, it sounds like you already made a decision to separate. I wish you luck in handling this matter.

[afdinatl]

So you are a Christian with a kid.

[ClevelandMike]

City Data for Personal Advice, OK - the Maury Povich Show would love to have you on. Air your laundry on TV.

[Sue at the Rock]

Originally Posted by afdinatl

So you are a Christian with a kid.

Christians often have children.

[Charlotte485]

I'm not sure why you would hide it. There's nothing to hide. He has to live with his consequences. It shouldn't be private information he had a baby by a hooker. If he's so ashamed, he wouldn't have done it in the first place.