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A few years ago I started getting closer to an older family acquaintance, he is in his late 50's and married, and I'm 29. I first met him because of some issues I was having due to depression. Since then he's been guiding me through life pretty much and we've established that we're friends now. We also often call one and other to talk about new things, in my life in particular. In the last months I've noticed however that I miss him a lot when he doesn't call to check in on me. I miss him to the extend that it bothers me and I can't focus at work. Just calling would be an option, but in my friendships/ relationships I've noticed that I am the one doing must of the giving. So to avoid coming across as needy or chasing after a married man I just suffer in silence and wait till he calls. To be clear I am not attracted to him.
A few years ago I started getting closer to an older family acquaintance, he is in his late 50's and married, and I'm 29. I first met him because of some issues I was having due to depression. Since then he's been guiding me through life pretty much and we've established that we're friends now. We also often call one and other to talk about new things, in my life in particular. In the last months I've noticed however that I miss him a lot when he doesn't call to check in on me. I miss him to the extend that it bothers me and I can't focus at work. Just calling would be an option, but in my friendships/ relationships I've noticed that I am the one doing must of the giving. So to avoid coming across as needy or chasing after a married man I just suffer in silence and wait till he calls. To be clear I am not attracted to him.
Really? Then why are you unable to focus when he does not call? You are attracted to him on an emotional level and putting that much emotion into one person and relying on them to get you through life is never good.
If you have that need, find a good therapist to help you get past this emotional dependency.
I didn't realize it was emotional dependency, however I have been attempting to distance my self from him by working a lot and thereby trying to get back to my old "independent (sometimes loner) self".
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"Just livin' day by day"
(set 23 days ago)
Location: USA
3,166 posts, read 3,358,514 times
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Attraction to someone can be sneaky creeping up onto you when you least expect it. Find things to do and involve yourself with other people to get your mind off of him. After all, he is married so getting any more involved with him wouldn't be a good idea
A few years ago I started getting closer to an older family acquaintance, he is in his late 50's and married, and I'm 29. I first met him because of some issues I was having due to depression. Since then he's been guiding me through life pretty much and we've established that we're friends now. We also often call one and other to talk about new things, in my life in particular. In the last months I've noticed however that I miss him a lot when he doesn't call to check in on me. I miss him to the extend that it bothers me and I can't focus at work. Just calling would be an option, but in my friendships/ relationships I've noticed that I am the one doing must of the giving. So to avoid coming across as needy or chasing after a married man I just suffer in silence and wait till he calls. To be clear I am not attracted to him.
To be clear... you are attracted to him, especially emotionally.
Find friends your own age and stay away from married men! IF you cannot do that, consider therapy.
Really? Then why are you unable to focus when he does not call? You are attracted to him on an emotional level and putting that much emotion into one person and relying on them to get you through life is never good.
If you have that need, find a good therapist to help you get past this emotional dependency.
^^^^^ I agree with this.
OP:
My husband had a female friend who was emotionally attracted to him while we were dating as well as after we got engaged.
She was a neighbor of his who was dating a male friend of his.
Apparently the guy she was dating did not treat her the way she wanted to be treated, and so she came to my husband *when we were dating* with her personal relationship problems as well as her own personal problems. She was diagnosed with schizophrenia and autism.
She became dependent on him to help her with her many problems. Dependent to the point that it interfered in our relationship. She spent more time alone with him than I did.
I do wonder if she relied on him to help her get through her life.
My husband told me that when he let her know that he was going to propose marriage to me, she told him that I was not good enough for him.
It got to the point that my husband could no longer help her with her problems. Their friendship ended.
If he is distancing himself from you, then you should respect that. You do not really explain what your connection to him was in the first place. Was he a depressed person? Anyway, if my husband wasn't a licensed therapist, and some woman was depending on him for support, I would get uncomfortable, and want it to stop.
If he helped you, great. If you need more, pay a professional.
If he is distancing himself from you, then you should respect that. You do not really explain what your connection to him was in the first place. Was he a depressed person? Anyway, if my husband wasn't a licensed therapist, and some woman was depending on him for support, I would get uncomfortable, and want it to stop.
If he helped you, great. If you need more, pay a professional.
Regarding the bolded part in pink...
My husband is not a licensed therapist.
Even though we were not married at the time when his female friend depended on him for support, it got to the point that I felt uncomfortable about that. I let him know that once we became engaged, he could no longer spend time alone with her. I was not about to let her emotional dependency affect our future together. She was not happy with the changes, but it to be done for the sake of our future together.
My husband and I found out shortly after we got married the following from the guy she was dating at the time *the male friend of his*...
After my husband told her that he was going to propose marriage to me, she told the guy whom she was dating at that 1) she liked him and 2) she wanted to date him. He told her that my husband was off the market once he proposed marriage to me, and so there was nothing she could do. But she did not want to or could not get it through her head that she could not date him because she repeated herself several times what she told the guy whom she was dating.
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