Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Ok, listen, of course her cheating on you is not your failure....but you if your next SO asked why your last relationship ended, would you not tell them that she cheated on you? Rance, of course, it is not your failure. No one wants to be reminded of it, but if you were serious about your new SO, would you not share with her this terrible experience?
Oh she knows. Matter of fact they've met. Thankfully she does not probe and pry. And neither do I! She's perfect!
Location: Life here is not an Apollo Mission. Everyone calm down.
1,065 posts, read 4,536,860 times
Reputation: 999
Ok, I still don't think some of you are getting it. Having you ever been with someone that never let you speak to his or her friends, or just didn't have any friends at all?
No way to hear about those harmless, funny stories that happened in high school and college, no way to see how they treat their friends and family because apparently there aren't any.
I think that is what the OP is saying, I think she is admitting to herself that she really doesn't know this man very well at all.
Also, leaning toward the opposing view of my own, this man refusing to give details about the divorce that has yet to be might be a sign that he doesn't think the OP will be around long enough to deserve to know.
Which is a second red flag....so here it goes...
Might just be that he just not that into you....
I'm sorry, I'm no spring chicken, I'd want to know everything about my mate.
And I'll say it again, my intuition will keep me single for remainder of my life, lol.
Last edited by MainStreet; 01-17-2008 at 03:42 PM..
Ok I am unsubscribing from this post as I think you have had a good amount of advice and it comes from thoughtful and sensitive people. To hang around would really be more our of curiosity and wouldnt really be responsive or helpful to you. The advice you received, covers the map, but could you ask for better than that. I know that I have nothing more to add and I have absolutely no sense that I know anymore than anyone else what you should do.
I want to wish the both of you every happiness--whether together or on your own. Good Luck.
Location: Life here is not an Apollo Mission. Everyone calm down.
1,065 posts, read 4,536,860 times
Reputation: 999
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lindsey_Mcfarren
Its incredibly nieve to get involved with someone who is not divorced. The reality is you only have his word to go on in that case. Normal people once a relationship gets to a certain point discuss past relationships, nevermind a 10 year marriage.
I fear that you are being led down the garden path here, you have already allowed yourself to be drawn into the life of a man who is married to someone else. AND before you start going on about the details, keep in mind that you have no independent corroboration on those details. The fact that he won't tell you anything about his marriage, should speak volumes to you.
Even when you can trust the honesty and openness about of your partner, marriage is difficult. You can't trust this guy. He is at the very least holding you at arms length because he won't confide in you.
RUN before its too late.
Lindsey, I can never rep you when I want to I should be able to rep Lindsey every time I need to, lol.
Yes but the state isn't going into a relationship with him! LOL
Relationships end, and yes it absolutely is their new partner's business what that person's view is on why the relationship dissolved. It is not about blame, or comparing, that is not what the poster's concern is. It is about seeking a greater understanding of who the person is and where they are now and what they bring to the CURRENT RELATIONSHIP.
How else do you ever get to know someone without sharing of yourself with them including where you have been and where you see yourself going, your dreams for the future, what you want out of a relationship, what does intimacy mean to you, what do you look for in a partner, and yes absolutely what you see as the reasons for past relationships dissolving.
That most definitely is a person's business. People don't spring into life out of thin air in the moment, and a big part of knowing someone is listening to what they share or not.
I agree with you. My DH was married prior to our relationship. He didn't want to talk about that marriage. He was so torn up inside and angry about it, even after 2 years. I slowly gained his trust and he opened up about things that happened in his marriage. Talking about it with someone he could trust really helped him to heal. That woman had injured his soul with the things she said and did. If he hadn't opened up to me and stayed in his silent anger, I don't think we would be together now.
I absolutely think it's good to know something about your S/O's life before you. But in this particular instance, it's too soon. What's going on is in his present time. He needs to have the divorce in his past. The relationship may be too soon in general.
I read Lindsay_McFarren's posts and I see that from her past experiences with men and marriage, she is distrustful of men and plans never to marry again. Or at least the guy better be really super special before she'd even consider having a relationship with him. So I think that sleepingbeauty30's boyfriend is in the same place emotionally. He just isn't ready to be close to a woman again, and if she wants him, she has to be very very patient and not push him on this issue.
Newly divorced people just don't leap into love again that quickly. They do hunger for affection, but they still have open ugly wounds from the divorce. Please give them time to heal and recover. And respect their need for privacy.
I've been divorced now for 6 years. My advice comes from hard earned experience.
This guy is either hiding something from you, OR he is holding back emotionally from you because he is not ready for a relationship. Either way, I would not trust him.
This guy is either hiding something from you, OR he is holding back emotionally from you because he is not ready for a relationship. Either way, I would not trust him.
I have been through a divorce and I personally find it important to discuss in order to fully move ahead with my life. His past relationship may not dictate his future, however once you have gone through that I believe it is honestly a part of who you are from that point on. I can't speak for him, but I learned so much from my failed marriage that it is important that I remember what went wrong to insure that I don't make the same mistakes twice. This may be harsh, but if he can't even face his past is he really ready to give love another try. It seems he may have some recovering to do first. And as a woman I would find it very fishy and would give this a second thought.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Thankfully she does not probe and pry. And neither do I! 
She's perfect!
I should be able to rep Lindsey every time I need to, lol.
