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Everything has risks and life goes more often than not according to how you handle the things that happen in it.~
Here's a thought: Have any of you ever had a best friend that you were so close with that most other people who didn't know you two thought you both were more than friends?~
Yup. I have a female friend from my child hood who me and my friends just reconnected with. We hang out together a lot. My mom and sisters though she was my girlfriend lol.
I don't "date". Dating is as I understand it: "Getting to know someone with the intention of forming a current or future romantic relationship with them." I think dating is unrealistic.
I'm open to possibilities and I love fantasizing, but what ever happens, happens, and what ever doesn't happen, doesn't happen.
I think its' far more realistic to be friends with someone for years and then have that friendship naturally progress into being lovers. In a way, to me, being lovers is sort of the "evolved" form of a friendship. You're still friends and you still do all the things you did before as friends, but now it's more...
A lot of people seem to believe that being "alone" is one of the worst states you can be in, but I think being with someone, having unrealistic expectations of them, and then being disappointed when they don't meet these unrealistic expectations is one of the worst states to be in.
As someone who has suffered from Obsessive Compulsive Order-like mental anguish, I've had a lot of experience with my own mind. From this I've learned that a lot of my stress can be caused by my creating expectations for nearly every thing and I do have control of this. It is difficult to not do this often how ever as creating expectations to worry about seems to be almost automatic for me.
This is why I don't date. This is what I believe about Friendship and Love.
What are your thoughts?
Mmmm...its a nice thought. But, I think, rare, that it works out that way. It has happened for me, once, but there were other circumstances at work for us, and in the 2+ decades we had been "just friends" we both, secretly, wanted more. We just couldn't have it. Then, one day, we could. It still took a while, after our circumstances changed, for us to come clean with each other. I will say, that was, most certainly, the happiest day of my life.
Still, I believe love evolving out of friendship , between two people, real love that lasts, is not that common. More often, it ruins a friendship, becoming lovers. The change in emotional tempo catches people off guard, and makes for all kinds of funky feeling and emotions to mix into a , quite often, highly reactive mixture. For it to be for real it has to be the proverbial "perfect storm".
When I was in my 20s, a female friend and I had a moment. But we both backed off, and talking about it afterward, we were both glad we did. It would have complicated things to the point of ruin and wrath. The recent situation, that did see a real relationship develop, has still been fraught with issues, though these things are not there because we were "friends first". That has actually been helping in resolving things of late. Again, though, that's rare air.
The physical aspect of our relationship has to be on hold for a while. We both want that back, but there are good reasons this has to be right now, and the fact that we are, and have been, best friends and lovers for quite a while now, and were such good friends first, helps us to understand and cope with the situation. We were going to get married, which, of course we had to back burner as well. Our deep friendship, as well as our love for each other, keeps us focused, but our situation is FAR from typical.
Most often, it seems to me, that when two friends of the opposite sex become intimate, its a spontaneous thing, born of some high voltage emotional situation outside the friendship, that will set things in motion, and things end up awkward or even angry. Such a happening is great great Grandmas secret recipe for disaster and hurt. In order for two friends to become a couple, there has to have been a mutual desire that's been there from the start. Not something that "evolves" out of the friendship.
I don't "date". Dating is as I understand it: "Getting to know someone with the intention of forming a current or future romantic relationship with them." I think dating is unrealistic.
I'm open to possibilities and I love fantasizing, but what ever happens, happens, and what ever doesn't happen, doesn't happen.
I think its' far more realistic to be friends with someone for years and then have that friendship naturally progress into being lovers. In a way, to me, being lovers is sort of the "evolved" form of a friendship. You're still friends and you still do all the things you did before as friends, but now it's more...
A lot of people seem to believe that being "alone" is one of the worst states you can be in, but I think being with someone, having unrealistic expectations of them, and then being disappointed when they don't meet these unrealistic expectations is one of the worst states to be in.
As someone who has suffered from Obsessive Compulsive Order-like mental anguish, I've had a lot of experience with my own mind. From this I've learned that a lot of my stress can be caused by my creating expectations for nearly every thing and I do have control of this. It is difficult to not do this often how ever as creating expectations to worry about seems to be almost automatic for me.
This is why I don't date. This is what I believe about Friendship and Love.
What are your thoughts?
I like the sound of having friendship first, too. Unfortunately, I've found that doesn't happen. In my 40+ years, I've never met a hetero guy who's interested in, or willing to, have a friendship with a woman. I've often heard from other women, though, who DO have hetero guy friends. WHERE are these men and how can I find one?
I live my life and I may meet new people whom I would want to become friends with, but if I'm romantically interested in them I don't say, "I'm romantically interested in you, we should do something about that.", because the wouldn't be any "doing something about it", there wouldn't be any difference between what I would do if I wasn't romantically interested in them and if I was romantically interested in them, except that now there most likely be some kind of "pressure" on both of us.~
For me when I'm romantically interested in someone I want to be "close" to them and intimate with them in a way that requires a very strong kind of trust that a very strong friendship creates.
For me there is no "skipping ahead" to being intimate, love is friendship but "more".~
I would rather us get to know each other and naturally become attracted to each other and become closer together.
If that does happen: great! If it doesn't, then it doesn't.
Like I said before, saying I am romantically interested in them would just most likely create an artificial "pressure of expectations" on both of us. Taking the route of "I'm in love with you and you're going to love me to." creates an artificial "pressure of expectations" on ME that would most likely, as it has happened before, spin out of control into eventual disaster with me picking up the pieces and realizing the kind of fool I was.~
I don't "date". Dating is as I understand it: "Getting to know someone with the intention of forming a current or future romantic relationship with them." I think dating is unrealistic.
I'm open to possibilities and I love fantasizing, but what ever happens, happens, and what ever doesn't happen, doesn't happen.
I think its' far more realistic to be friends with someone for years and then have that friendship naturally progress into being lovers. In a way, to me, being lovers is sort of the "evolved" form of a friendship. You're still friends and you still do all the things you did before as friends, but now it's more...
A lot of people seem to believe that being "alone" is one of the worst states you can be in, but I think being with someone, having unrealistic expectations of them, and then being disappointed when they don't meet these unrealistic expectations is one of the worst states to be in.
As someone who has suffered from Obsessive Compulsive Order-like mental anguish, I've had a lot of experience with my own mind. From this I've learned that a lot of my stress can be caused by my creating expectations for nearly every thing and I do have control of this. It is difficult to not do this often how ever as creating expectations to worry about seems to be almost automatic for me.
This is why I don't date. This is what I believe about Friendship and Love.
What are your thoughts?
I don't like "dating" either, it sounds so analytical, trying to force things, like in those kitschy romantic comedies.
Having said that, I doubt that there are many cases where people become more than friends after a long time of friendship. Unless they have always felt like that but didn't dare admit it because they were afraid it would end the friendship.
Speed-dating must be weird Then again, people who do that must be very open to begin with, and honest, freely admitting they would like to get to know someone and rejecting hopeless cases right away without having to feel bad. So it might as well be more effective than one might think. I mean, I don't get to know as many people in 10 years as a speed dater in an hour
I like the sound of having friendship first, too. Unfortunately, I've found that doesn't happen. In my 40+ years, I've never met a hetero guy who's interested in, or willing to, have a friendship with a woman. I've often heard from other women, though, who DO have hetero guy friends. WHERE are these men and how can I find one?
I have a couple female friends. But, we can, safely, be just friends, because we are attached to other people who we are in love with , and want to stay that way. We don't hang out, go for drinks or dinner or anything. Usually its something like taking our dogs to play at the park and our SOs are there as well. Its been my experience that two, single, "friends" , of the opposite sex can , and does, get complicated, and things happen that shouldn't, between "friends". I don't believe in the "friend zone". For me, if I was involved with a woman, and it didn't work out, and I got the "friend zone" spiel, that meant they just wanted to keep me in a holding pattern for when their sink plugs up, their furnace takes a dump, toilet backs up, care breaks down, what have you, so they have a free emergency maintenance guy. Plumbing and heating pros , if you have to call one in, ain't cheap, so its ...handy...to have a "friend" that happens to be equipped to handle things.
That's a situation I've encountered, once or twice, and to be truthful, it hurts to be looked at that way. As an asset. Like being the guy who has a truck come moving time, "friends" can appear out of nowhere, real sudden like. Nobody limes to be treated thus, especially under a flag of, supposed, "friendship".
The thing is, many people don't really need friends. They get to know someone and if that person is not attractive enough to become more than a friend, they don't really know what to do with that person anymore.
I don't "date". Dating is as I understand it: "Getting to know someone with the intention of forming a current or future romantic relationship with them." I think dating is unrealistic.
I'm open to possibilities and I love fantasizing, but what ever happens, happens, and what ever doesn't happen, doesn't happen.
I think its' far more realistic to be friends with someone for years and then have that friendship naturally progress into being lovers. In a way, to me, being lovers is sort of the "evolved" form of a friendship. You're still friends and you still do all the things you did before as friends, but now it's more...
A lot of people seem to believe that being "alone" is one of the worst states you can be in, but I think being with someone, having unrealistic expectations of them, and then being disappointed when they don't meet these unrealistic expectations is one of the worst states to be in.
As someone who has suffered from Obsessive Compulsive Order-like mental anguish, I've had a lot of experience with my own mind. From this I've learned that a lot of my stress can be caused by my creating expectations for nearly every thing and I do have control of this. It is difficult to not do this often how ever as creating expectations to worry about seems to be almost automatic for me.
This is why I don't date. This is what I believe about Friendship and Love.
What are your thoughts?
My thoughts are that you have a very unrealistic perception of how romantic relationships work. While being "friends with someone of the opposite sex before engaging in any romance sounds like something from a romantic comedy, it actually isn't very realistic for most men. Women love love love the idea of this, but unfortunately most men know if they're interested within minutes of meeting a woman, so that friendship that you think is turning into romance was never in fact a true friendship.
It's just some poor dude stuck in the dreaded "friend zone."
Most women don't love that idea, either. A man either is attractive to them or not. They might prefer being friends for some time first, but only in order to get to know the man (they are already attracted to) better and figure out if there is more to the man than what seems attractive.
Normal friendships are a bit of a waste of time to many people. They don't like that limbo state, but get somewhere in life.
The only reason why I don't ask my female friend out is because we have been friends since we were eight years old.
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Then again, people who do that must be very open to begin with, and honest, freely admitting they would like to get to know someone and rejecting hopeless cases right away without having to feel bad. So it might as well be more effective than one might think. I mean, I don't get to know as many people in 10 years as a speed dater in an hour 
