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I do agree. I think it's interesting that some of the men who seem worried that a 50+ woman don't seem to mention that, actually, a younger woman-older man relationship, I would think, would tend to be MORE driven by financial "inequities"...that is, the younger woman would be more inclined to be seeking a financially secure man to take care of her, since she wouldn't be far enough along in life to be financially successful....or financially prudent. That's what I see. I think (sorry, guys...if you are listening) that men delude themselves sometimes that they are "players" with the younger women when in fact, the younger woman wants to be treated to more expensive "going out" and overlooks the guy's age to bargain for $$. Not necessarily "gold digging" (hate that term), but a reality.
Older men can be difficult for a younger woman, also......baggage (unhappy grown or adolescent children who resent her, for instance), a life SHE has to fit into, etc.....so it's not all rosy. Not to mention, men have a tendency to treat younger women as a daughter (control issues) rather than an equal. Only in some cases, of course, but I felt I should raise that....
Location: On the "Left Coast", somewhere in "the Land of Fruits & Nuts"
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 2PAK
I read your post fully and, you should re-read my response. You need to take a hard, cold look at why things are the way they are in your life. It's not about men, its about you. Again, it's not a gender thing and after 14 years single, you still dont get it.
There are numerous men on this site that could make statements about what the 50+ candidate pool is for available women. In most cases, I dont think you would care to hear what they'd say-its not pretty.
Why do some 50+ men date younger women? Really an easy answer but I dont think you want to hear that either.
I think you make some good points. Certainly in online dating it seems to me there are an awful lot of women in the over 50 segment, who really don't seem all that seriously interested in having a long term relationship. They may say things like "they're looking for the last love of their life", etc., but look closer and they present so many "hurdles" that you have to question their intent.
It's remarkable how many make it clear how much they're into their religion (and you must be too!), or they're so into their dogs ("Rover is my passion", and he must be yours too!), or they have "very high standards" (read "convince me!"), or they're so involved with their adult kids lives, grandchildren, etc. (and you must adjust to that too!). Mostly they seem to be looking for more of an "accessory" that will adjust to their current life and relationships, while they're usually unwilling to do any "adjusting" in exchange.
It may be the same experience for both genders who are in middle age or older. And fortunately there are always exceptions, but it just seems like this age group is more heavily populated with these types of "self-absorbed" or "attachment-phobic" folks. Or perhaps it's just that we all become more set in our ways as we get older.
How do you recommend a single woman go about finding a man? I am open to suggestions!
First, stop looking for a man. Looking smacks of desperation, and that's not appealing. Then just get out there and find a hobby or activity that you love to do and also causes you to meet all kinds of new people. Anytime that I've been in a situation where I am single and there's a lack of suitable men to date, it's because I am stuck in a rut of the same daily routine. If the small pond is overfished, then it's time to find a new pond to explore. One can't expect to find a special love the same way one goes shopping for groceries. They may be some single guys on those dating sites, but remember that the good ones will be contacted by many other women, plus they are also actively shopping the site also. Do you want to be a part of a The Bachelor competition? I know that I don't.
Some suggestions, volunteer to walk dogs for a shelter. Walk a busy park on a regular schedule. Or take up photography. With digital cameras, anyone can become a decent photographer. And most local newpapers will take submissions of pictures of local events. So take pictures for them, even if they will only offer you a byline credit and can't pay you. Then make yourself business cards with your professional contact information. Don't use an email that's juvenile or girly. The card should look very business like. Next take pictures of local events. If there's a guy that you are attracted to, take pictures of him, but don't forget to take pics of the people around him. Then casually ask him if he'd like pics of himself. Do NOT be flirty with him. Give him a chance to come on to you. But at least you now have a connection with him. Also guys love a woman that is into techy stuff like photography or cars, just because most women aren't. So many guys are impressed that I like to drive stick and know how to do things like change my battery, light bulbs and radiator. I even own two Matco torque wrenches!
Having good cooking skills is a plus. Cook for any charity potluck or bake sales. Who doesn't love a great cook?
Also make all kinds of friends and be a good person to them. Don't talk about being single. It should seem that your life has been too busy and full to even think about finding a boyfriend. That way, no one will wonder why you are single. And when people like you a lot, they will try to match you up with nice single men they know.
People are also very attracted to those that are happy and confident. Always keep a smile on your face. It's more important than fixing your lipstick.
First, stop looking for a man. Looking smacks of desperation, and that's not appealing. Then just get out there and find a hobby or activity that you love to do and also causes you to meet all kinds of new people. Anytime that I've been in a situation where I am single and there's a lack of suitable men to date, it's because I am stuck in a rut of the same daily routine. If the small pond is overfished, then it's time to find a new pond to explore. One can't expect to find a special love the same way one goes shopping for groceries. They may be some single guys on those dating sites, but remember that the good ones will be contacted by many other women, plus they are also actively shopping the site also. Do you want to be a part of a The Bachelor competition? I know that I don't.
Some suggestions, volunteer to walk dogs for a shelter. Walk a busy park on a regular schedule. Or take up photography. With digital cameras, anyone can become a decent photographer. And most local newpapers will take submissions of pictures of local events. So take pictures for them, even if they will only offer you a byline credit and can't pay you. Then make yourself business cards with your professional contact information. Don't use an email that's juvenile or girly. The card should look very business like. Next take pictures of local events. If there's a guy that you are attracted to, take pictures of him, but don't forget to take pics of the people around him. Then casually ask him if he'd like pics of himself. Do NOT be flirty with him. Give him a chance to come on to you. But at least you now have a connection with him. Also guys love a woman that is into techy stuff like photography or cars, just because most women aren't. So many guys are impressed that I like to drive stick and know how to do things like change my battery, light bulbs and radiator. I even own two Matco torque wrenches!
Having good cooking skills is a plus. Cook for any charity potluck or bake sales. Who doesn't love a great cook?
Also make all kinds of friends and be a good person to them. Don't talk about being single. It should seem that your life has been too busy and full to even think about finding a boyfriend. That way, no one will wonder why you are single. And when people like you a lot, they will try to match you up with nice single men they know.
People are also very attracted to those that are happy and confident. Always keep a smile on your face. It's more important than fixing your lipstick.
I so agree with Miu...these hobbies might sound a little traditional in meeting someone interesting but these are still quite savvy in meeting interesting people...
i can add one more place...bookshops...I like bookshops becuase the people who come to bookshops are little intelligent and also unlike bar there is no loud music, booze, etc to lower your guard against him ...I have met quite decent people in libraries and bookstores...
One more suggestion...basis my current experience...if you are a little tech savvy...why dont you use websites like Match.com? and if you have blackberry ...why dont you use these new applications like Bluepont which actually can help you meet interesting person according toy our desires..you just eed to create profile and they will let you know when the guy is nearby...
Actually you should work on all the three.......finding a good guy is tough !!!!!!!
One more suggestion...basis my current experience...if you are a little tech savvy...why dont you use websites like Match.com? and if you have blackberry ...why dont you use these new applications like Bluepont which actually can help you meet interesting person according toy our desires..you just eed to create profile and they will let you know when the guy is nearby...
Actually you should work on all the three.......finding a good guy is tough !!!!!!!
I don't think that being tech savvy with a blackberry and using Bluepoint is going to impress any guy I know. Having a Blackberry or iPhone is rather common and not at all special. In fact, all that technology makes the meeting process too efficient and rather impersonal imo. I'd much rather meet a guy or a person face to face, see the twinkle in their eye and feel a warm handshake than try to fit into his schedule with a quick text and send of a picture. And no everyone is that photogenic. Also, in case your picture and brief bio doesn't immediately impress him, he will quickly move on to the next woman in queue. I feel that my best interviews are done in person.
Good suggestion about bookstores. My boyfriend's mom met her second husband in one.
But nay to Match.com and Bluepoint. And I for one won't be impressed with Bluepoint until you come back on and can tell us that you met your fiance on there. So far, you've met one guy and had one date with him. Plus, your motive was not to find a relationship, but have a casual hookup for fun. There's a big difference between finding hookups and dating for the goal of a serious relationship imo.
I don't think that being tech savvy with a blackberry and using Bluepoint is going to impress any guy I know. Having a Blackberry or iPhone is rather common and not at all special. In fact, all that technology makes the meeting process too efficient and rather impersonal imo. I'd much rather meet a guy or a person face to face, see the twinkle in their eye and feel a warm handshake than try to fit into his schedule with a quick text and send of a picture. And no everyone is that photogenic. Also, in case your picture and brief bio doesn't immediately impress him, he will quickly move on to the next woman in queue. I feel that my best interviews are done in person.
Good suggestion about bookstores. My boyfriend's mom met her second husband in one.
But nay to Match.com and Bluepoint. And I for one won't be impressed with Bluepoint until you come back on and can tell us that you met your fiance on there. So far, you've met one guy and had one date with him. Plus, your motive was not to find a relationship, but have a casual hookup for fun. There's a big difference between finding hookups and dating for the goal of a serious relationship imo.
But Miu you should not blame Bluepont about my intention...its doing what I am asking it to do...the point is I dont want commitment...I am sure an application can not do anything about that...all it can do is help meeting a person for freindship, dating or just meeting over a coffee...
The same guy that I met (or will meet again soon ) via Bluepont could be my date and then may be husband (you never know!) ...its just that i am not not opening my hear to let any emotions inside....so its not Bluepont's fault!
PS: Please call it Bluepont ...Bluepoint is something totally different...what I am refering to here is bluepont...please check out BluePont Login once for me
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...I have met quite decent people in libraries and bookstores...
...finding a good guy is tough !!!!!!!
