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Old 05-06-2015, 03:12 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,076 posts, read 106,950,530 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by greznik913 View Post

So on Wednesday she called me and asked me if I wanted to come to pub that is in her town. She went there after work with some of her friends. I said id like her to come to my place since I m the one who is driving most of the time. She said I ll let you know and then I got the message that she got stuck with friends and that she knows she canceled on me but she can come to my place on Friday, Saturday and Sunday if I will want her to. I wasn’t happy but said Ok, have a good time…
[...]
So I drove her back home, she said see you tomorrow and kissed me. I was upset and disappointed but didnt say a word… She felt something is not right so she stayed in the car and talking about some irrelevant things – something like small talk… She knew Im not happy and that I wish her to spent the night in my place but choose to go to the party anyway. She chose friends over me AGAIN, twice in the same week.
In these two examples, did she follow through and see you the next day? Did she go to your place on the weekend, in the first example, and did she see you the next day, in the second example?
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Old 05-06-2015, 04:24 PM
 
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After she got stuck with friends - she came the next day - Friday (my parents were home BTW)... That Friday was day before the event i described (sisters bday party) and thats when we talked she will sleep over after we come back from her sisters bday party the next day.

After she chose to go to the party rather then come to my place and sleep over:
We did not see each other the next day - when i came home that night (she stayed for the party) i texted her that she has surprised me twice this week and I wish her a good night. She replied something like 'it happens, she is full of surprises and she is full of energy and see you tomorrow'. I texted back 'it was enough surprises for this week' - i know it was not the best reaction on my part but i was emotional and disappointed. So we did not hear or see each other next day.

Monday - day after that she texted me if i have time to see each other and i invited her for a drink - pub close to her home at 8 pm. She said ok. At 7.30 i was ready to go from my home but she texted me if we can postpone it for 30 minutes. My gut feeling told me she did this on a purpose - she did something similar few weeks back when we had our first argument and it was a BS reason. Based on that I texted her 'at 8 pm or some other day'. She said then OK, I ll come so i ll not surprise you again. When i came to the pub, i saw her girl friend drove her there - later she told me that they were at hers (my girlfriends) home having a drink so she wanted to postponed me for 30 minutes because of that. Once again i was not a priority... i could feel it as soon as she texted me if she can come 30 min later that its something like that...gut feeling as i said.

At the drink I told her how i felt and she said how we did not make a plan on Friday about her sleeping over at my place (which is not true) and she said if i said in the car that i want her to come to my place she would not go to the party and that she felt i was testing her what is more important to her - me or her friends... (looks like she showed me which one it is) she also said how she thought about calling a taxi and go to my place after she got my text i mentioned (about her surprising me twice in the same week) but then realized it was not a good idea. I also said the lack of sex bothers me . i said we have had sex 5 times in 5 months - thats the amount of sex people have in one week when they are in new relationship and she said 'I know...'
I asked her why she is avoiding coming to my place for weekends and if something was wrong the last time.... she said nothing was wrong but she didnt have time. She had a reason for the last time she did not come and one time before... then i said 'what about the time I invited you one day before, but the next day you rather invited your friends to your house to have a drink?' she remained silent because she did not have an answer. She had red eyes (almost crying) she said she promise me to come next time if i ll invite her again... We kissed after and it was ok...

Well after 3 days - during week - she said that her best friend is not working for weekend and that they are planning a ladies night, which means she will not come to my place again - she let me know in advance the reason so i dont even invite her . This was not the 1st time she said something like that between workdays... She is avoiding to sleep over my place - its obvious and i dont know what to do. When i asked her whats the reason for her avoiding and whats bothering her she said nothing... im frustrated because everything else is normal - she is very affectionate always initiating body contact is very caring, buy me gifts, we hear each other every day, she invites me and includes me on every family event or vacation....texted me that she loves me.... its just strange...

The thing is - I do not want her to come to my place to have sex/sleep over just becuse i want that but because that is something she wants and is eager to do herslef. i want her to come for that reason and that reason only. Not because she is doing me a favor if you understand me...

Last edited by greznik913; 05-06-2015 at 04:42 PM..
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Old 05-06-2015, 04:26 PM
 
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Too many problems for a new relationship.
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Old 05-06-2015, 04:47 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,076 posts, read 106,950,530 times
Reputation: 115838
Quote:
Originally Posted by greznik913 View Post
I also said the lack of sex bothers me . i said we have had sex 5 times in 5 months - thats the amount of sex people have in one week when they are in new relationship and she said 'I know...'


The thing is - I do not want her to come to my place to have sex/sleep over just becuse i want that but because that is something she wants and is eager to do herslef. i want her to come for that reason and that reason only. Not because she is doing me a favor if you understand me...
OK, OP, it sounds like there's some issue for her relating to sex, that she's not willing to talk about. It sounds like you two get along great, except she's using her friends to avoid sex, now that you mention it. This probably has nothing to do with you. Maybe she just plain doesn't like sex. Or maybe she has a childhood trauma she's never recovered from. Or a medical reason. So you have to decide whether it's worth it for you to stay with her, while she gains enough confidence to discuss this secret problem. Or maybe she doesn't view it as a problem, maybe it's just her preference, in which case, a long-term relationship is hopeless.

By the way, as far as you could tell, has she had an orgasm when having sex with you? Maybe she's non-orgasmic, so far. Maybe she's never had one. How many relationships has she had before you?
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Old 05-06-2015, 05:09 PM
 
13 posts, read 10,544 times
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She told me she didnt have a boyfriend for 3 years before we met. I was surprised because she is very good looking girl. I dont want to know this kind of things since in my experience brings nothing but trouble in relationship but i found out she had at least 2 serious relationship, the longest was 2 years - she told me that... What surprised me even more is the fact she didnt have sex for 1.5 year before we met. I thin she doest care much about sex if she can get so long without it and i know she can get it easily...

She has never orgasmed with me. I m trying my best but nothing... she has no boundaries and is very open regarding sex - regular, oral... and she seems to enjoy it as far as i can tell. She also gets aroused and is 'wet' before we go to the main event... i told her i want her to tell me what makes her c*m, but she said nonchalantly how she is not complicated and how she likes everything i do to her and also she told me 'dont bother' because she only get an orgasm by masturbating and she has never had one with any boyfriend so far - she said that like she doesnt even care - and see no reason to at least try to change that... i dont want to bring this topic up again in those rare occasion that we actually have sex because i dont want it to become pressure for her. if she told me what the deal is everything, anything - just the reason even if it may hurt me Id be happy because then id know what the problem is and we would be able to work on it and solve it. Now when i dont know im wondering why and every new cause that I my mind make is worse then the previous one... Im not experienced but i cant be that bad i think, my tool is average and i can easily go for at least half hour... im pretty confused but i know if she wont tell i ll never know...

one thing im sure of is the fact sex is not very important to her in relationship... if it was she would act differently...

BTW - one time she was very close to have one - i saw that by the way she was moving and because of growing bulb in her va*g*na - i used my fingers but she stopped me saying she wants me from behind - doggy style... i was stupid and listened to her and stopped...

Last edited by greznik913; 05-06-2015 at 05:19 PM..
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Old 05-06-2015, 05:16 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,076 posts, read 106,950,530 times
Reputation: 115838
Well, at least we know she can orgasm. And she says she enjoys sex, but for some reason she avoids it. So she's not interested in working on becoming more orgasmic. (You've tried developing your oral technique, right?) This is a very tricky area, as you seem to know. The initiative to want to work on this has to come from her, obviously. So it would seem that you're at an impasse.

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Old 05-06-2015, 05:21 PM
 
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BTW - one time she was very close to have one (at least i think so) - i saw that by the way she was moving and because of growing bulb in her va*g*na - i used my fingers but she stopped me saying she wants me from behind - doggy style... i was stupid and listened to her and stopped...
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Old 05-06-2015, 05:23 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,076 posts, read 106,950,530 times
Reputation: 115838
Quote:
Originally Posted by greznik913 View Post
BTW - one time she was very close to have one - i saw that by the way she was moving and because of growing bulb in her va*g*na - i used my fingers but she stopped me saying she wants me from behind - doggy style... i was stupid and listened to her and stopped...
Oh. I missed this. I wonder why she stopped you? I wonder if she feels inhibited about letting go and having an orgasm in front of a bf? Or maybe she thought it would work the other way?


hmm..... I think you should try to repeat that almost-successful experiment, and see what happens. (Yes, I know--easier said than done. ) Does she come from a highly religious family?
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Old 05-06-2015, 05:27 PM
 
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no not even close...well i already tried by doing the same but it didnt work. I also tried oral different ways but after a while - few minutes - she always stopped me and wants to have normal sex... i feel im not even close to make her c*m :/ but again if we have more practice maybe we can make it happen - but once per month is not really frequent...
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Old 05-06-2015, 05:33 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,076 posts, read 106,950,530 times
Reputation: 115838
Quote:
Originally Posted by greznik913 View Post
no not even close...well i already tried by doing the same but it didnt work. I also tried oral different ways but after a while - few minutes - she always stopped me and wants to have normal sex... i feel im not even close to make her c*m :/ but again if we have more practice maybe we can make it happen - but once per month is not really frequent...
Oh, right. You don't have that much opportunity to practice. Well, you were close once. I'm curious if she'd stop you again if you got that close. If that ever happens again, you should ask her why she stopped you. That, right there, is the issue: what is her motive for stopping you when she's close, and all that physiology is happening. Stopping you when you're not close is a different matter. It means nothing is happening for her, you're off the mark, so she prefers to do something else. You might, when she does that, try asking gently for her to let you try. But this is a very delicate matter, as I'm sure you understand. I mean, it's not something you can insist on. This is going to take a lot of patience to overcome (if it can be done at all), so it's up to you to decide if you have that patience.
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