I know what you're thinking. "Just another guy down on his luck from a breakup." Well not so fast. Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me four times in a row...is there hope?
I don't know what the deal is. I always treat women great. They tell me this over and over. Yet at some point, something just happens where they decide even though I'm the perfect boyfriend, I'm not what they need right now
Case #1 - Me 28 Her 23 (one month)
We get together for a few weeks (I think only a month in total). One day as we are talking I jokingly mention how I'm the man of her dreams. I am expecting her to laugh it off and say something like "we'll see about that". But instead she kind of goes with it and tells me that I am. She says how I have everything that she's looking for in a guy and how she really likes me. A week later "you're not my type". No fight between us no nothing. I ask her what changed her mind so drastically and she says it wasn't really that drastic of a change. I guess she doesn't understand what "guy of your dreams" means.
Rumor is she began staying with another guy from work but then she moved to Florida anyway
I will chalk this one up to she is young and fickle
Case #2 - Me 29 Her 28 (Four Months)
Things start off really strong again. She lives only two minutes from me so we get the chance to hang out often. She tells me how much she enjoys spending time with me. She originally planned to move from South Carolina to Florida in order to start school for some type of nursing degree but she told me she was thinking of changing her plans just so she wouldn't have to move away from me. Wanting to be the supporting boyfriend, I encourage her to do what is best for her and if that means moving seven hours away we will make things work. This one even tells me she loves me. She said she doesn't expect me to say it back so soon but wanted me to know how she felt. When I did finally tell her that I loved her (I didn't say it right away because I wanted to make sure I actually felt it) she got incredibly excited. She does decide to still go to school, but delayed her move a couple weeks just to be able to spend more time with me. I met her sister (who she would be rooming with in Florida while in school) and did Skype with her Mom and brother. Her sister even encouraged me that a long distance relationship could work out no problem and she told me she thought I was a great guy.
After she moved, we still talked every day. I even drove to see her for Thanksgiving which she was super stoked about. When I left, everything seemed to still be amazing. But it wasn't long after that I noticed she would talk to me less and less. I know she has a lot to do trying to find a new job and preparing for school and all so at first I wasn't concerned. Finally I say to her "I notice we don't talk much any more. Is there anything I should be worried about?" That's when she hits me with how I'm an awesome guy and what she would want in a man, but she doesn't have time for a relationship and we should break up. Seriously? You claim to love me and even considered changing your life plans for me only to suddenly say you don't have time for me? Just another hot-and-heavy to cold-turkey breakup
Okay...maybe she did have too much on her plate at the time, but that was over a year ago and I haven't heard squat from her since. If she actually cared for me, I would think she would have said at least a friendly hello or something.
Case #3 Me 29 (couple weeks away from 30) Her 25 (two months)
This is my mom's neighbor's daughter. I visited my mother for July 4th weekend and met the daughter. We spent a little time together and had great conversation. So much so that we continued to talk and learn about each other. I then suggest that she visits me for my birthday (end of September) and she is all for it. But as we talk more, she wants to visit me even sooner because of how much she likes me. She said she was buying the plane ticket but I insisted that I pay half of it since the visit is for me too. She tells me that is incredibly sweet. (Before anyone knocks me for not buying the entire $350 plane ticket, that's a pretty expensive first date which it would have essentially been).
She visits and we have a great time together. She says how she never intended to move away from her mom and dad in Indiana but also didn't plan on being "completely swept off her feet" (her words) so she was discussing where our relationship would go if she did move to South Carolina to be near me. I told her that I wouldn't want her to move if she wasn't sure I was the one she wanted to be with when she got here.
The day before she was scheduled to go back I did happen to notice a text message on her phone from another guy that was at the same time as she was visiting with me. I was not snooping by any means. For one thing, she told me she had nothing to hide. But the real reason I even had her phone was because she told me to text myself the pictures that we took together during the trip. While I had her text app open, she got a text from someone which bumped the other texts down. So instead of clicking my text window, I clicked the other guy's. The only two messages I read were the last two which said
him: Oh, so you don't want me between your legs sliding in and out of you
her: I never said that
So basically while she claims to have fallen for me so hard that she would consider uprooting her life and moving to be near me, she is talking with a guy back at home who she will probably hook up with the night she gets back? This obviously won't work out
Case #4 Me 30 Her 41 (Five and a half months)
Pretty much the same story as above. We talk at first, go on some dates, she tells me that she likes me a lot. I meet ALL of her family (both daughters...age 21 and 13, mother, aunts, uncles, cousins...you name it she introduced me). All of the family liked me. She told me how attached she was getting to me which was making her scared because her past relationships haven't been so kind to her (alcoholics and some slight abuse I guess). I don't drink at all so for her that is a huge bonus. She discusses things with me that are in the distant future which tells me she is thinking long term (we began dating in November and she was trying to make summer beach plans with me and stuff). Her younger daughter would even tell me that we should "totally get married". She told me that her daughter rarely ever likes anyone that she dates and that she doesn't even really like her own dad.
I wasn't even expecting a break up. We see each other every day at work (we work in the same buildings but in different aspects) so I get to spend my breaks with her a lot of days. One week we happened to be in different buildings pretty much the whole week so I just made a comment "I haven't gotten to see you lately
" which sparked a very long response about how stressed she had been feeling. I replied with "oh no, this almost sounds like a 'we need space' type of message" which is when she confirmed that she wanted to break up. She swears that it is nothing to do with me but she can't be in a relationship at this time. She got way too attached to me too quickly. She said she wanted to be friends but couldn't be my girlfriend.
I try to talk to her to figure out what happened. We had just spent Easter with the whole family and everything was great. I knew of all of her issues. She insists that she doesn't want to force anyone into her life at this point and she needs to concentrate on other things right now. Then I notice she removed me from her Facebook. I tell her I know there has to be more to it if she can't even be my friend on Facebook anymore (I don't really do Facebook so I only have 12 friends as it is so I know she knew I would notice). That's when she admitted to me that one night she all of her stress was piling on to her so she went out with friends, had too much to drink, and slept with someone she didn't know who she met at the bar. What the hell! That's such a lousy excuse.
(I can elaborate more on this situation if you wish about what I think her real reason is for ending things with me.)
If you stayed around long enough to read this entire thing (bravo to you!), please help me figure out how I can trust another relationship ever again? At this point I'm fully expecting to be single for the rest of my life because so far every relationship just ends up being suddenly over with and I'm always told it's through no fault of my own. I'm basically being told that no matter how well I treat a woman, no matter if I'm everything the are looking for and need in their life, there ends up being a point where they decide they are better off without me.
Case 1 and 3 didn't really hurt me too bad because they were so short and I wasn't really sure they would work out anyway. But case 2 and 4 certainly did.
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