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Old 05-10-2015, 01:34 PM
 
155 posts, read 300,642 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nightlysparrow View Post
One might ask why the two of you haven't married after 4.5 years together?

Well that's a good question. He has been in school and waiting for a job that can support us (even though I have a career and can support myself).
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Old 05-10-2015, 01:35 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,126 posts, read 107,381,087 times
Reputation: 115942
Quote:
Originally Posted by SomervilleCat View Post
I'm afraid that I won't find someone else that I can be myself around since it took me so long to find him! I feel like he can read my mind. Finding love is pretty rare.
It can be. But even if it takes you another 5 years, you'd still have time to have kids.

You have a tough decision to make. But he sounds like a great guy.
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Old 05-10-2015, 01:36 PM
 
155 posts, read 300,642 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tamiznluv View Post
If he REALLY doesn't want kids, is he willing to have a vasectomy? It shouldn't be all up to you in prevention.
He has said that if it were an "accident" then he wouldn't necessarily be upset, but I can't really count on someday hoping to get pregnant by accident.
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Old 05-10-2015, 01:38 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,126 posts, read 107,381,087 times
Reputation: 115942
Quote:
Originally Posted by SomervilleCat View Post
Well that's a good question. He has been in school and waiting for a job that can support us (even though I have a career and can support myself).
OK, that right there is suspicious. It sounds like he's been looking for excuses to postpone marriage. Since he knew he didn't want kids, there was no need to wait until he made enough to support you (or a family). And you bought into his excuse.

I'm starting to wonder if this guy is really as great as you think he is. He doesn't seem to be that into marriage, no matter what he says. (Actions speak louder than words.) You might be better off looking for someone who wants kids, marriage, the whole kit and kaboodle, and is eager to actually follow through on his dreams. Your bf has been stringing you along.
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Old 05-10-2015, 01:39 PM
 
Location: Tricity, PL
61,428 posts, read 86,506,480 times
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I agree with others. He didn't do anything wrong. He said up front that he doesn't want kids, but he would let you do whatever pleases you. Over the period of 4.5 years, and facing a major decision in his life, he changed his mind to a definite NO. Maybe he don't really want to marry you, and hopes you will call it quit when you hear that he doesn't want kids.
My guts tell me that he doesn't want marriage, and any kind of responsibilities...
Now its up to you - marry him and have no kids (don't play the "accident" tune!) or leave him and look for another, suitable man. That man might or might not be so perfect like him, but he will give you a chance to have family.
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Old 05-10-2015, 01:45 PM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
16,961 posts, read 17,288,409 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
OK, that right there is suspicious. It sounds like he's been looking for excuses to postpone marriage. Since he knew he didn't want kids, there was no need to wait until he made enough to support you (or a family). And you bought into his excuse.

I'm starting to wonder if this guy is really as great as you think he is. He doesn't seem to be that into marriage, no matter what he says. (Actions speak louder than words.) You might be better off looking for someone who wants kids, marriage, the whole kit and kaboodle, and is eager to actually follow through on his dreams. Your bf has been stringing you along.
Oh, you're jumping to conclusions, Ruth.
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Old 05-10-2015, 01:47 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,126 posts, read 107,381,087 times
Reputation: 115942
Quote:
Originally Posted by hawaiiancoconut View Post
Oh, you're jumping to conclusions, Ruth.
Ya think? Really? There's been no sensible reason to put off marriage, since she earns her own money. Except the kids thing. Maybe he was stalling, because he knew she wanted kids and he didn't, and he only recently came clean about that. Maybe he didn't have the nerve to say it before, and risk losing her, so he came up with that career excuse. Either way, it was clearly an excuse.
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Old 05-10-2015, 01:52 PM
 
Location: Not where I want to be
24,509 posts, read 24,138,331 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nightlysparrow View Post
One might ask why the two of you haven't married after 4.5 years together?
Nothing wrong with that. My late husband and I lived together for 6 years before we married.
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Old 05-10-2015, 01:55 PM
 
155 posts, read 300,642 times
Reputation: 100
Quote:
Originally Posted by tamiznluv View Post
Nothing wrong with that. My late husband and I lived together for 6 years before we married.
I know it's awhile to be with someone without a proposal but I do consider myself to be a "late bloomer". I don't think I would've been ready after 2 or 3 years. Unfortunately, I'm ready now and he's still not.
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Old 05-10-2015, 01:56 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,126 posts, read 107,381,087 times
Reputation: 115942
Quote:
Originally Posted by tamiznluv View Post
Nothing wrong with that. My late husband and I lived together for 6 years before we married.
In this case, though, it turned out to be the right question to ask. There's more to their dynamic than initially met the eye.
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