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Old 05-13-2015, 09:39 AM
 
Location: Louisville KY
4,857 posts, read 5,771,645 times
Reputation: 4341

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Quote:
Originally Posted by TabulaRasa View Post
Meh, he's dishonest, and she's not polyamorous (giving the benefit of the doubt, and assuming he's actually polyamorous, and not just a guy who wants to have sex with whomever, whenever as the urge strikes while enjoying the other benefits of having a FT girlfriend).

He needs to be in a relationship with somebody who is oriented to and desiring of the same type of relationship he is, as does she. They are wasting time with one another.

This isn't about "Oh, these awful people who condemn different choices." It's about finding people who are compatible with you. Someone who wants a polyamorous lifestyle isn't compatible in the relationship department with somebody who doesn't.

Or are you suggesting that she should somehow change what SHE wants to be more in line with what he wants? Or is he somehow condemning her different wants?
Niether, was just throwing it out there. Thinking he might just want a side piece or two, actually, even if he was, he didn't come correct.
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Old 05-13-2015, 09:54 AM
 
4,380 posts, read 4,433,007 times
Reputation: 4437
Quote:
Originally Posted by catsforschool View Post
I found his OkCupid account on his computer and he has been hitting on other girls.
I'm guessing you were having trust issues if you were snooping around on his computer.

Quote:
Originally Posted by catsforschool View Post
If anyone can think of a middle ground that would be great. I don't want to lose him but I don't want to compromise myself for him.
Only middle ground is that you stay together and both get to sleep around.
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Old 05-13-2015, 09:58 AM
 
Location: Middle America
37,409 posts, read 53,273,112 times
Reputation: 53066
Quote:
Originally Posted by JaxRhapsody View Post
Niether, was just throwing it out there. Thinking he might just want a side piece or two, actually, even if he was, he didn't come correct.
Okay.

I would imagine that if one prefers polyamory, the reasonable thing to do would be seek out relationships where others are aware of this and can choose to enter into the relationship informed. Doesn't seem like that's what's happened, here, though.
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Old 05-13-2015, 09:59 AM
 
Location: Middle America
37,409 posts, read 53,273,112 times
Reputation: 53066
Quote:
Originally Posted by NWGirl74 View Post
Only middle ground is that you stay together and both get to sleep around.
Which isn't really middle ground, if one has no desire to sleep around.

It's just serving someone else's wishes and not your own.
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Old 05-13-2015, 10:00 AM
 
125 posts, read 127,171 times
Reputation: 238
Your a fool to stay in a relationship with someone who basically told you your not enough to keep them satisfied. Besides he's a pig.
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Old 05-13-2015, 10:01 AM
 
3,201 posts, read 4,388,958 times
Reputation: 4441
Quote:
Originally Posted by Meyerland View Post
It means she remains monogamous and he gets to stray.


o..k

whatever works i guess

---
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Old 05-13-2015, 10:03 AM
Status: "Mistress of finance and foods." (set 17 days ago)
 
Location: Coastal Georgia
50,000 posts, read 63,325,358 times
Reputation: 92496
Oh, Girl, move and change your number.

Once a cheater, always a cheater. You are too young to settle for so little respect. Just chalk him up as a learning experience and move on.
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Old 05-13-2015, 10:08 AM
 
Location: My House
34,935 posts, read 36,074,073 times
Reputation: 26535
Quote:
Originally Posted by gentlearts View Post
Oh, Girl, move and change your number.

Once a cheater, always a cheater. You are too young to settle for so little respect. Just chalk him up as a learning experience and move on.
I think better of humans than that.

Anyway... I still think she should move on, but not because he's a "cheater." We don't know that he's stepped out on her yet.

He told her he plans to, so that ought to be enough for her to hit the door.
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Old 05-13-2015, 10:15 AM
 
Location: Middle America
37,409 posts, read 53,273,112 times
Reputation: 53066
I typically don't say, "Once a cheater, always a cheater," because people can and do curb their behavior if they have sufficient incentive to do so.

But I do strongly believe that people who've been proven to be untrustworthy can't, in the future, be fully trusted. Maybe they WILL never cheat again. But I don't know that, and so why would I stake my life and happiness on the "maybes" of a known liar? Even if they do, indeed, never cheat or lie again, trust is gone, and that's the bottom line.
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Old 05-13-2015, 12:40 PM
Status: "Mistress of finance and foods." (set 17 days ago)
 
Location: Coastal Georgia
50,000 posts, read 63,325,358 times
Reputation: 92496
Quote:
Originally Posted by TabulaRasa View Post
I typically don't say, "Once a cheater, always a cheater," because people can and do curb their behavior if they have sufficient incentive to do so.

But I do strongly believe that people who've been proven to be untrustworthy can't, in the future, be fully trusted. Maybe they WILL never cheat again. But I don't know that, and so why would I stake my life and happiness on the "maybes" of a known liar? Even if they do, indeed, never cheat or lie again, trust is gone, and that's the bottom line.
I can't argue with that.
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