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Jeez - I started dating my fiance while he had been legally separated for about 2 years awaiting a divorce. It would have been done sooner, but he was in Iraq and our state requires at least a year of separation. His ex was pregnant with another man's baby while he was deployed. Maybe I was the other woman, but I sure didn't see it that way nor did I get involved in his divorce other than hearing why it happened, what he learned from it, and how happy he was to get away from it.
It seems like they were separated for a while and I think knowing that reason might aid people to understand him more, because I think that there is something to this delayed reaction when the relationship/marriage had been over for a while. If they stayed together out of a caring place (ie a partner who is sick wouldn't lose health bene's, maybe? I dunno!), then maybe it makes more sense why he feels this way.
Yes. I do not see marriage ever happening for me. I did not however have a thread about a FWB to a relationship thread. Well at least not recently. I dont do FWB situations. I like committed relationships as I get attached. Unfortunately I find myself caring more than the other party.
Really? Then why are you in this relationship? It appears from your words to be exactly what you say you don't want but here you have it anyway.
Looking for advice on how I can help him and not push him away while he navigates this difficult time.
Background- They have been seperated for years. Have not lived together in a good 6-8 years. He has had relationships since his seperation and prior to me. The divorce is supposed to be final in a few weeks.
A few weeks ago she got very angry with him and verbally abusive. She has always been a tad on the crazy side, with yelling, unrealistic expectaions and requests, verbally abusive, etc. Since then he has become distant, quiet and withdrawn.
I came out and asked him if he was just not into me anymore and he said that its not me at all. He said he has just realized that while he knows the marriage is over, he wants it to be over, he just is not over things like be thought he was.
Looking back I remember going through similar feelings when my divorce was final and we had been in a similar situation of being separated for years.
How can I help him without pushing him away? He has been doing guy time a few times a week. Most other nights a week he is with me.
I've only read a few posts...and a couple folks were posting as though you'd made different statements about this boyfriend elsewhere...I searched, and on the 12th.....3 days ago you posted this "Hopefully I will meet the right guy eventually. But if not I will have whoever in my life until they are no longer present"
I am understandably a bit confused now by this thread about your "boyfriend" Is this a boyfriend that you've just met?
I think others have said what I would support. Back off entirely while he is going through this....He cannot get closure if he is trying to be emotionally involved with you. Plus, if they have children, it is very difficult on the kids trying to understand the other" woman in their Dad's life. He obviously isn't over his marriage, or she would not be able to negatively affect his emotions....The opposite of love is indifference....
I think it seems pertinent to why he is feeling how he is feeling now. I can tell you that I was in this situation five years ago (dating a separated man) and his divorce was more of a sense of relief to him than anything else. The dragging the feet on it makes it seem like neither was really completely ready to move on yet despite going through the motions of it years ago.
The psychology between why someone did something is just as important as the action itself in something like this. Just my .02
I think it seems pertinent to why he is feeling how he is feeling now. I can tell you that I was in this situation five years ago (dating a separated man) and his divorce was more of a sense of relief to him than anything else. The dragging the feet on it makes it seem like neither was really completely ready to move on yet despite going through the motions of it years ago.
The psychology between why someone did something is just as important as the action itself in something like this. Just my .02
The reason is nothing like that. They initially filed for divorce in 2006. It was dropped because of logistical challenges of the case moving through the court system. Our state has lots of steps, especiay when a child is involved.
If I were him, I would like you to go into a state of emotional stasis until the divorce is final. Meaning, don't go asking random people on the internet what you should do, form conclusions or make any decisions while this is ongoing. Be exactly the same as I left you when I'm ready to pick up the relationship again.
Not true at all. He has not been with his actual wife in YEARS. I do spend lots of time with him and his guys. I just dont need to always be up his butt. His friends are also my friends so I am well aware of where they are and what they are doing during guy time. Also its me that he takes on family functions and visits.
You mentioned that you and he are related by his marriage. Is he married to your sister, or another family member??
If so, he may be seeking your company just because it is easier and you are available. You might want to make him work for a relationship with you....Do you, and let him do him for awhile. If it is meant to be, it will be.
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