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I wouldn't say I have bad luck in dating, but rather no luck. When I was 24, my dad called me at work to very seriously ask me what was so wrong with me that I couldn't attract a man.
I had two short-term boyfriends in high school and a couple of FWB in college. I went on a handful of dates from the time I graduated at 22 and dated a guy for about 2 months a year and a half prior to meeting my late hubby when I was 25 (a couple of weeks before I turned 26). He is the only long-term relationship I've had (just over 8 years); he died a few weeks after I turned 34.
I am now 41. A little over 2 years after he died, I dated a guy off and on for about 6 months. He's the only guy I have dated in the 7 years since late hubby died. I have a very active social life, I try new activities all the time (not necessarily to meet someone but rather because I am interested in trying them), I've done speed dating, I've been on and off the online dating sites at least 10 times now in the last 5 years. I have had 3 dates in the last 2 years (set up, speed dating and Ok Cupid), none so far this year. I am currently getting about 1-2 profile views a day on OKC and no messages. Only 2 of the 20+ men I have messaged so far have responded and those conversations die out. My day-to-day life, no matter how I shake it up, just doesn't put me in the path of single men in my desired age range of 35-48.
I have a good life but dating is the one thing that eludes me.
It's funny cause you have Fathers that would prefer their daughter not date at all, lol. It's funny, a lot of parents assume there is something wrong with us, but that isn't really the case. Some people just have bad luck in the dating game, or just simply haven't found the right person. Why a lot of parents don't get that is a mystery. I've explained this to my Mother in the past (about not finding anyone I'd want to be in a relationship with), but she doesn't buy it because she thinks I should have easily found someone while going to college for a few years now. Doesn't work like that.
I'm the same way a bit. My Mother (not so much my Dad really) has asked me why I've never been in a relationship before a few times in the past. She probably thinks I'm gay at this point (has brought up the fact that if I was gay, I could come out), which has caused arguments because I said that just because nobody has ever been in a relationship, doesn't mean they're gay whatsoever. My Mother is pretty close-minded when it comes to this. Probably cause she herself never had any issues dating (and then eventually got married at 23). She can't know what it's like to struggle in dating, or at least not being able to meet the right person.
I feel like at this point, if I do ever bring a girl home and introduce her to my parents, my Mother would treat her like a Queen to avoid causing any potential issues (even if she had envisioned a different type of girl for me), lol. Regardless of the type of girl I bring home as well (which won't happen since I won't ever settle).
Last edited by NewYorker11356; 05-22-2015 at 01:14 AM..
It's funny cause you have Fathers that would prefer their daughter not date at all, lol. It's funny, a lot of parents assume there is something wrong with us, but that isn't really the case. Some people just have bad luck in the dating game, or just simply haven't found the right person. Why a lot of parents don't get that is a mystery. I've explained this to my Mother in the past (about not finding anyone I'd want to be in a relationship with), but she doesn't buy it because she thinks I should have easily found someone while going to college for a few years now. Doesn't work like that.
I'm the same way a bit. My Mother (not so much my Dad really) has asked me why I've never been in a relationship before a few times in the past. She probably thinks I'm gay at this point (has brought up the fact that if I was gay, I could come out), which has caused arguments because I said that just because nobody has ever been in a relationship, doesn't mean they're gay whatsoever. My Mother is pretty close-minded when it comes to this. Probably cause she herself never had any issues dating (and then eventually got married at 23). She can't know what it's like to struggle in dating, or at least not being able to meet the right person.
I feel like at this point, if I do ever bring a girl home and introduce her to my parents, my Mother would treat her like a Queen to avoid causing any potential issues (even if she had envisioned a different type of girl for me), lol. Regardless of the type of girl I bring home as well (which won't happen since I won't ever settle).
Your situation sounds a lot like mine. My mom used to REALLY bug me about dating but now she has just accepted that I'm going to make my own choices. I don't think parents understand some hindrances and difficulties their children may have. When they were younger things were different. I get the age old questions/comments: "Why don't you date/have a boyfriend? Are you a lesbian? You're too pretty to be single. You must be hella picky." When in reality I just have a hard time connecting with guys nowadays.
I lost someone that could've been my first bf because of some issues I was unaware of until this point. That stung me very profoundly and I haven't liked anyone since. All my experiences with romance has always ended the same. (It just never went anywhere with these guys, more than likely because we were young but still.) It is true that most people date and find someone by their 20s but everyone has their hang ups.
I'm pretty level headed and know what I need to do in life. But when it comes to men...forget about it. At 22, it may seem ridiculous to say this and I don't truly know, but I don't think I will date or even marry, if I do it'll be a LONG time from now. It sucks but it's how I feel. It doesn't make it much better when people are harassing you and expect to date around just because it seems "normal."
Some people just don't feel that way. I'm just happy to be in college and working at this point.
Your situation sounds a lot like mine. My mom used to REALLY bug me about dating but now she has just accepted that I'm going to make my own choices. I don't think parents understand some hindrances and difficulties their children may have. When they were younger things were different. I get the age old questions/comments: "Why don't you date/have a boyfriend? Are you a lesbian? You're too pretty to be single. You must be hella picky." When in reality I just have a hard time connecting with guys nowadays.
I lost someone that could've been my first bf because of some issues I was unaware of until this point. That stung me very profoundly and I haven't liked anyone since. All my experiences with romance has always ended the same. (It just never went anywhere with these guys, more than likely because we were young but still.) It is true that most people date and find someone by their 20s but everyone has their hang ups.
I'm pretty level headed and know what I need to do in life. But when it comes to men...forget about it. At 22, it may seem ridiculous to say this and I don't truly know, but I don't think I will date or even marry, if I do it'll be a LONG time from now. It sucks but it's how I feel. It doesn't make it much better when people are harassing you and expect to date around just because it seems "normal."
Some people just don't feel that way. I'm just happy to be in college and working at this point.
Hey OP, meet Auraliea^ (she very pretty and single)
Your streak of bad luck might have just came to an end
Luck comes a bit more into play when you're wanting to find someone special that you want to have a LTR with. Even if both you and her have your acts together emotionally, behaviorally, physically, financially, etc...you two still need to be in the right place at the right time, and it's impossible to predict that. You may be kissing a lot of frogs before you meet that person...or you may meet that person while you're in high school.
As for dating in general, luck plays a microscopic role. Any man who makes even a slight effort to put himself out there, interact with people in a relaxed non-creepy manner, look presentable, and ask out the occasional woman...will be going on dates at least every now and then. It is that simple. The prerequisites to be "dateable" are about as high as the 4-inch street curb outside my house.
Your situation sounds a lot like mine. My mom used to REALLY bug me about dating but now she has just accepted that I'm going to make my own choices. I don't think parents understand some hindrances and difficulties their children may have. When they were younger things were different. I get the age old questions/comments: "Why don't you date/have a boyfriend? Are you a lesbian? You're too pretty to be single. You must be hella picky." When in reality I just have a hard time connecting with guys nowadays.
I lost someone that could've been my first bf because of some issues I was unaware of until this point. That stung me very profoundly and I haven't liked anyone since. All my experiences with romance has always ended the same. (It just never went anywhere with these guys, more than likely because we were young but still.) It is true that most people date and find someone by their 20s but everyone has their hang ups.
I'm pretty level headed and know what I need to do in life. But when it comes to men...forget about it. At 22, it may seem ridiculous to say this and I don't truly know, but I don't think I will date or even marry, if I do it'll be a LONG time from now. It sucks but it's how I feel. It doesn't make it much better when people are harassing you and expect to date around just because it seems "normal."
Some people just don't feel that way. I'm just happy to be in college and working at this point.
My Mom has pretty much accepted that I'll make my own choices as well (I think she also knows better now than to bring up after the numerous arguments in the past regarding it). She still assumes that I don't want a girlfriend, which isn't entirely true, but she's at least stopped bringing it up. I'm only surprised my Grandmother has never wondered why I've never had a relationship. At least no one else in my family besides my Mom has ever really pestered me about it. My Aunt has wondered a bit, but nothing really beyond it.
Luck comes a bit more into play when you're wanting to find someone special that you want to have a LTR with. Even if both you and her have your acts together emotionally, behaviorally, physically, financially, etc...you two still need to be in the right place at the right time, and it's impossible to predict that. You may be kissing a lot of frogs before you meet that person...or you may meet that person while you're in high school.
As for dating in general, luck plays a microscopic role. Any man who makes even a slight effort to put himself out there, interact with people in a relaxed non-creepy manner, look presentable, and ask out the occasional woman...will be going on dates at least every now and then. It is that simple. The prerequisites to be "dateable" are about as high as the 4-inch street curb outside my house.
That's very true but just going on dates now and then doesn't mean much if your standards are high or different than most. You aren't going to meet anyone substantial for a LONG time.
My standards for long term relationships were not religious (a minority of people), doesn't want kids ever (5-10% of women), very attractive (say 8.5 out of 10 or better), intelligent (7 out of 10 anyway, good conversations possible), conservative or at least middle of the road and not a socialist / financial liberal (I couldn't tolerate that, too strong of a personality and we would argue about it constantly), and sense of humor / NOT politically correct, and classy / doesn't act or dress like a ****. That narrows down to very few girls in the entire world. I found her, but it took until I was 28.
I'm 24, and have never been in a relationship. Up until a couple of years ago, I pretty much had self-esteem issues dating back to my teens (middle and high school weren't kind to me, especially middle school). I'm open to a relationship, but not actively seeking it (which I guess is the best way to go about it from what I've heard).
The funny thing is I had a couple of women that seemed interested in me from my late teens to early 20's, but dating for me was a no-go back then due to my aforementioned issues.
Over the past couple of years, now that I'm open to being in a relationship (and my self-esteem issues are gone for the most, and am a lot more confident nowadays now), I haven't found a woman that's interested in me beyond just friendship. Funny how it works, lol.
For the most part, you make your own luck. Bad luck is reserved for acts of God, chronic diseases and other random events. Unless your romantic life was interfered with by a tornado, a tragic death, or a drive-by shooting, it has bupkis to do with your dating life.
Luck is the term that people use when they lack the courage to confront their own choices and how that contributed to whatever situation they're facing. They choose the wrong people. They won't take a close look at how they deal with others. And, most of all, they never ask the question, "Hey, would I date me?"
The other thing? If you go out looking for a relationship, relationships will elude you. Because a guy looking for it in life has the funk of desperation about him. You are not looking for a relationship. You are trying to capture a woman with a butterfly net, and they know it.
Work on yourself. Don't worry about dating. Work on living the fullest possible life. You'll be amazed at, suddenly, how desirable you have become.
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