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Thank you. I just heard from his mom that he went for the weekend to an island, 2 hours flight from where we live. He didn't tell me anything. I feel so hurt. I mean he's traveling and he doesn't even feel the need to tell me. He's acting like if I did the worst thing in the world.. all I did was- after he didn't show up for our Skype date without any explanation- asking him why he didn't show up and didn't even suggest another date to skype. He got super angry and we started arguing on WhatsApp, and I told him that if he wants to talk about it we should talk in person on Skype or the phone and that he should let me know. He just wrote 'Ok', nothing else. That was almost three days ago. And nothing ever since, and now I hear that he went on a holiday for the weekend without saying a word..
Very weird. Really spend some time thinking about getting out. You have so much invested financially and time wise but ask yourself, if I didn't would I still want to stay with someone who acts like this? Because material **** is meaningless in the grand scheme of things. Plus you're young. You're 3 years older than me. I wouldn't want to deal with something like that at only 28.
Stop investing in real estate with anyone this ambiguous. Make him put the house on the market and get your money back - or have him buy you out.
There's an expression - having your cake and eating it, too. That's what he is doing. He doesn't want to marry you - just use your money, string you along, and have the benefits of being single when he wants. Stop being a doormat and get your money back.
Do you feel like he is walking on you by acting like this?
Yes, sometimes, but he doesn't see it that way at all. When I tell him things I didn't like (like him not showing up for Skype without telling me) he directly says I'm just observing every thing he does and 'do statistics' on it, which is so ridiculous. I feel like he cannot be criticised, ever.
Stop investing in real estate with anyone this ambiguous. Make him put the house on the market and get your money back - or have him buy you out.
There's an expression - having your cake and eating it, too. That's what he is doing. He doesn't want to marry you - just use your money, string you along, and have the benefits of being single when he wants. Stop being a doormat and get your money back.
Right now I'm actually really considering to do this, for the first time ever. I just don't get why you would be in a relationship with someone you don't wanna be with long-term, even if you get some benefits like companionship and sex out of it. If I was him and I wanted that, I would just date around, or have a girlfriend and not buy a house or anything with her (and make terms clear from the start).
Right now I'm actually really considering to do this, for the first time ever. I just don't get why you would be in a relationship with someone you don't wanna be with long-term, even if you get some benefits like companionship and sex out of it. If I was him and I wanted that, I would just date around, or have a girlfriend and not buy a house or anything with her (and make terms clear from the start).
You will drive yourself crazy trying to figure out what motivated him to do the things he did and continues to do. You'll never figure it out, and it doesn't matter anyway. Accept the fact that purchasing the apt together didn't mean what you thought it did, with regards to his intentions or feelings towards you. You misread him. It happens all the time, but in your case, you have put your financial future on the line.
You've made an error in judgment (we all do) and now you need to correct your course and move forward. Get out of this situation, salvage what you can financially (you might need to seek legal advise to get back what you deserve). It doesn't sound like this guy will play nice or be fair to you when you tell him you are leaving, so be prepared for that. Be strong and good luck to you.
Right now I'm actually really considering to do this, for the first time ever. I just don't get why you would be in a relationship with someone you don't wanna be with long-term, even if you get some benefits like companionship and sex out of it. If I was him and I wanted that, I would just date around, or have a girlfriend and not buy a house or anything with her (and make terms clear from the start).
He needed your money, that's why. Have you considered that he is treating you badly because you might leave - and he gets to keep your money, if you don't demand it back? Sounds like he used you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Butterflyfish
You will drive yourself crazy trying to figure out what motivated him to do the things he did and continues to do. You'll never figure it out, and it doesn't matter anyway. Accept the fact that purchasing the apt together didn't mean what you thought it did, with regards to his intentions or feelings towards you. You misread him. It happens all the time, but in your case, you have put your financial future on the line.
You've made an error in judgment (we all do) and now you need to correct your course and move forward. Get out of this situation, salvage what you can financially (you might need to seek legal advise to get back what you deserve). It doesn't sound like this guy will play nice or be fair to you when you tell him you are leaving, so be prepared for that. Be strong and good luck to you.
He needed your money, that's why. Have you considered that he is treating you badly because you might leave - and he gets to keep your money, if you don't demand it back? Sounds like he used you.
^^^^^^^ This!
The money thing, I don't really think so. Before we broke up last year, he made much more money than I did. My job was crappy. When we were broken up, I started making more money, now equal to him, but he didn't know I was making more money now when we got back together, and also not when he asked me to buy an apt. I hadn't talked with him about finances til early this year. Also, I should mention that the girl he dated before me was still in love with him last year. She's a bit crazy, after breaking up with her three years ago, she kept texting him and sending him love letters, he even showed all of this to me. If everything was just about buying house, he could have done it with her, easily. But yea, maybe he was quite happy after learning that I can afford to buy a house with him, just for the fact of buying a house. But why would you even want to buy a house with someone you don't wanna be with. But yea, I shouldn't drive myself crazy about that.
No, I don't think he thinks that I actually might be leaving him. I have never broken up with him, never even threatened to, and he knows how much I love him and how much I wanna be with him. So I consider it quite the opposit- Maybe he is treating me badly because I let him. Maybe I should have walked out a long time ago, instead of accepting how he treats me that way.
The thing is, he really isn't bad all the time, but that's obviously no good excuse to stay with him. Still, I do think he loves me, but I don't think that's enough. If he REALLY loved me, I think he wouldn't have to think twice about marrying me, right? Even if he doesn't like sides of me, he should never doubt the relationship, and he shouldn't be getting angry every time I criticise him, and he shouldn't not talk to me over stupid things for a couple of days.
The money thing, I don't really think so. Before we broke up last year, he made much more money than I did. My job was crappy. When we were broken up, I started making more money, now equal to him, but he didn't know I was making more money now when we got back together, and also not when he asked me to buy an apt. I hadn't talked with him about finances til early this year. Also, I should mention that the girl he dated before me was still in love with him last year. She's a bit crazy, after breaking up with her three years ago, she kept texting him and sending him love letters, he even showed all of this to me. If everything was just about buying house, he could have done it with her, easily. But yea, maybe he was quite happy after learning that I can afford to buy a house with him, just for the fact of buying a house. But why would you even want to buy a house with someone you don't wanna be with. But yea, I shouldn't drive myself crazy about that.
No, I don't think he thinks that I actually might be leaving him. I have never broken up with him, never even threatened to, and he knows how much I love him and how much I wanna be with him. So I consider it quite the opposit- Maybe he is treating me badly because I let him. Maybe I should have walked out a long time ago, instead of accepting how he treats me that way.
The thing is, he really isn't bad all the time, but that's obviously no good excuse to stay with him. Still, I do think he loves me, but I don't think that's enough. If he REALLY loved me, I think he wouldn't have to think twice about marrying me, right? Even if he doesn't like sides of me, he should never doubt the relationship, and he shouldn't be getting angry every time I criticise him, and he shouldn't not talk to me over stupid things for a couple of days.
Again, I think you are too focused on HIM instead of on you and what you need. Stop wasting all your brain cells asking yourself "Why did he do this? Why did he say that?"
Put your focus back on you by asking yourself "Is this what I want? Is this meeting my needs?"
Never love someone more than you love yourself.
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