Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
You can't change him. You can't make him do what he doesnt want to do. You can only change you. Either you are going to put up with it, or not. Your choice is how you deal with it. He's shown you how he is. Is this what you want for the rest of your life?
The only way to make him change his ways, is to change yours. He needs motivation, and he hasnt got it. For anything.
I hear the "but I dont mind a house husband and I love him" part. So weight the good against the bad. And decide if you can live with it. But dont stay in hopes of him changing. That won't happen.
He sounds like he isn't taking his business seriously at all. Any business is hard work and takes a lot of time to succeed, but you have to be working hard at it to get there. It's one thing for it to take some time but another to not work at all.
I started my business in 2008 and I didn't turn a profit until 2013 and 2014, but even then, not huge profits to recover my past expenses. That being said the great part about a well established business is the opportunity to make so much money per year that in 3-5 years you back pay all of your time invested and money invested. That only happens with hard work and dedication that he just doesn't seem to want to spend.
I'm having trouble seeing why you want to stay with this guy.
part of it is that I really don't mind a house spouse. I work really long hours and it is nice to not have to handle so much stuff myself and have someone who has the flexibility to take trips and such when I am available. however, in my view of the world, a house spouse dosen't gripe about doing the housework. our views on politics, people, culture, travel, decor, and how to spend our time are very in-line.
His business is covering it's own costs, but barely. If it didn't cause him stress. If he wasn't freaked out about it. If he didn't want to keep doing improvements to the office it is in, and if he wasn't critical of how I do household tasks or how I spend money, I don't think I would be phased by it at all. I'm not careless with money. I honestly think I actually spend less each month than he does because I don't care about having meat with every meal or having new clothes or stuff like that.
I think there are moments when I wonder 'would I just be better off on my own?' I could hire a housekeeper and dog walker. I could drop laundry off to a wash and fold if I didn't want to do it. That would be less than the cost of covering a second person in the house.
I really just want him to make a decision - the business is worth working on and being serious about, or it is a hobby and his primary responsibility is to tend the home and I can drop some of the house tasks.
Well, you won't know what's truly going on because he told you it's none of your business. That's huge, at least to me. Those words would never be said in our house, because what happens with one of us affects the marriage.
It doesn't sound like he is pulling his weight, and has no intention to do so.
You can't change him, but you can change yourself/actions. Do you want to continue living like this? You may have to pay him alimony.
__________________ ____________________________________________
My posts as a Mod will always be in red.
Be sure to review Terms of Service: TOS
And check this out: FAQ
Moderator: Relationships Forum / Hawaii Forum / Dogs / Pets / Current Events
He should not expect you to support the entire household financially.
He needs to get a real job and keep his business on the side.
Why would you agree to purchase a home that cost much more than you were comfortable with?
Personally I would have never accepted the money from his parents nor moved in with him until his business was successful for a long period of time and he could pay his portion of the financial responsibilities of the household.
I wonder if the advice here would be the same if the house spouse was not a man, but instead a woman who dabbled in selling Avon or showing real estate.
OP, you need to have a discussion with your partner about your joint financial goals and budgeting. Money is flying out the door toward things that bother each of you. If you decide $20/month is for blowing on whatever each of you want, you can buy that soda when you feel like it and he can pick up something for the office and it is not an issue because you have jointly decided where you are directing every penny of the household income. Go straight down the line with every topic - retirement, savings, debt repayment, business expansion, clothes, groceries, etc - and discuss what part of the household income if any will go toward it. Next, divide the household work. No one person should be saddled with all the household work. Come to an agreement on standards.
House spouse? What the hell is a house spouse? Sounds like a term for a deadbeat who doesn't want to work...or grow up. You sound like smart person so why are you putting up with his crap? Give him a choice to either contribute to the monthly expenses by getting a JOB or move out. Unless there are children involved there should be no such thing as a house spouse with either men or women.
I wonder if the advice here would be the same if the house spouse was not a man, but instead a woman who dabbled in selling Avon or showing real estate.
No. The only reason I commented as I did is because he is secretive, doesn't seem to be doing anything with the business, and is not taking care of all the domestic needs.
If any of that changed, so would my answer. The gender doesn't matter.
__________________ ____________________________________________
My posts as a Mod will always be in red.
Be sure to review Terms of Service: TOS
And check this out: FAQ
Moderator: Relationships Forum / Hawaii Forum / Dogs / Pets / Current Events
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
