Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
In September, my Bulgarian boyfriend moved from his country to live with me, he was planning to attend university but had to drop out because of accommodation problems.
Since then, we've spent the past year renting a room in a city we don't like. Our room is in a shared house with seven others, it's pretty scruffy, the shower doesn't work and we have the share the kitchen and bathroom. My boyfriend especially doesn't like this city - the neighborhood is poor and run-down and the city is manic, expensive, overcrowded and to put it lightly neither of us feel glad to be where we are.
We had a tough, and rocky first year living together - in terms of relationship, finances, living situation - everything. I really feel like I've let my boyfriend down.
(So far), in September we plan to continue renting this room and my boyfriend will re-attend university to study for his four year degree. I will have most of the financial responsibility as he will be occupied with his degree.
HOWEVER, I REALLY want to become a surveyor - the most accepted way to do this is via a degree. I'm desperate to do this, to push myself, achieve something and benefit our future. I can't fund a degree right now, since I failed my first year of university two years ago and will only qualify for funding for the last three years.
I could study for a degree abroad, we both could, in a country such as Sri Lanka or Malaysia. Tuition and living costs are so much cheaper. I don't know however what my boyfriend will think.
The MAJOR PROBLEM is that I've literally only just discovered/realized that I want to do this and since my boyfriend left everything to come to this country for us and is planning to start university in September - I mean how can I tell him now?
All year long, he's been waiting for me to tell him what I want to do with my life and what I want to do next year if I tell him this now, I am going to end up looking incredibly selfish and stupid since he has just re-enrolled and I've had all year to have thought of this and bring it up with him. I don't want to derail his plans after such a bad year.
Maybe he would be relieved that I have some aspirations and a plan at last, I just don't know?
What's best for us?
Please can I have any other perspectives/advice on this...
Last edited by palmtrees099; 05-27-2015 at 05:08 AM..
He didn't just move to live with you right? He came so he can go to school. You are supporting him...it's odd you think you let him down. You know your relationship best. If you're comfortable providing the support while he goes to school, then ok. But you have aspirations as well so you can consider doing something more equitable such as both of you working part time and going to school part time.
Besides that, I don't understand why it's bad to tell him what you want to do with your life. He's been pushing you to decide right? You decided. So why would he be upset? Because you'll need to go to school for it? Is that a bad thing? Or is it unexpected that you'd have to train for something? Seems perfectly reasonable to me.
After reading your previous threads, I really don't think it's wise to put yourself in the position of supporting both of you financially. You've both had some false starts with schooling and need to establish some stability. You will really resent him if the relationship breaks down completely after he gets his degree because you've set yourself up to put your dreams on hold. The relationship is already on the rocks. What would be the value of a Sri Lankan or Malaysian degree in London? Unless you are planning to move there permanently?
Calm down, get a little job and slowly get back into taking classes so you can start feeling more confident in your abilities. You have a lot of time to decide what you want to "be" and you don't need to have your boyfriend around your neck like an albatross. He needs to be self-sufficient.
Focus on you. You're already admitting to having relationship issues. As someone else mentioned, what happens when "boyfriend" finishes his degree and says, "see ya". Thanks for all that financial support but gotta go, found someone better. Then how would you feel?
I agree with the others; I think this is a relationship issue. You feel bad because you want your own education and you don't want to be this guy's sugar momma? There is no reason he can't go to school and work part time through the student employment office. And why are you staying in a crappy place in a city that you don't even want to be in? This whole situation is just odd.
Thread has been moved from Work & Employment forum to Relationships forum.
.
__________________
My posts as a Moderator will always be in red.
Be sure to review Terms of Service: TOS And check this out: FAQ
Moderator of Canada (and sub-fora), Illinois (and sub-fora), Indiana (and sub-fora), Caregiving, Community Chat, Fashion & Beauty, Hair Care, Games/Trivia, History, Nature, Non-romantic Relationships, Psychology, Travel, Work & Employment, Writing.
___________________________
~ Life's a gift. Don't waste it. ~
Isn't this like the 20th thread on the very same thing?
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
