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Okay you are right I did. I forgot that I said it. I think honestly not getting married at all would have made more sense, but my point was she does not appear to be comfortable with a monogamous relationship.
They're married now and seemingly happy with their arrangement, so I don't agree that it would have been better for them never to have gotten married. We have no way of knowing if they will split up in the future or regret anything if they do. I have three children, so you probably understand why I could not agree that I should not have gotten married. I admit to not reading the article yet, so I may be missing something.
Seriously, the problem with the concept is that the heart wants what it wants. Your partner eventually stops asking about your whereabouts, and you stop telling.
It's like couples with their threesomes. All good, clean fun until I see her outside of the arrangement and I don't tell my wife about it. All is fair in love and war until she wants another man inside of her. How do I refuse? What's good for the goose...
Nope not at all. You don't have to like it or leave it when a company decides to cut your pay. If they are contractually obligated to pay you a certain amount there is no out unless you agree to it. In that case, it's more than a like it or leave it.
The point was made to show what happens when there isn't a re-agreement of the agreement.
I think we can all guess what happens. She will cheat, or the marriage will end, or she will be unhappy.
Okay so marriage doesn't have any value other than a piece of paper? What you say to one another has no value?
Quit bouncing around. You were the one talking about legal contracts. The legal marriage contract allows for unilateral termination. If you're now talking about emotional "contracts", those apply emotionally in any relationship (married monogamous, married open, or even unmarried) but are not legally enforceable.
What is getting ridiculous? You not reading responses that I have already made to your questions?
You didn't answer all the points but what is ridiculous is that this thread is now approaching 200 posts. The horse has been beaten to death and vaporized.
You haven't been married I am assuming, because some of your points seem naive to me. All sorts of marriage vows are broken all the time, some resulting in divorce and some not. How do you enforce being cherished? "You are not cherishing me!!!" "Yes, I am!" "No, you're not!"
For better or worse? Really? How worse? Stay with a drug addict who blows through the family assets and has no desire to get help?
If both parties made a mistake should they stay together and be miserable for the rest of their lives?
Don't get me wrong, I believe strongly in doing everything possible to make marriages work, but I also understand that sometimes it is not possible.
The couple in the article did what they felt needed to be done to make their marriage work.
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You haven't been married I am assuming, because some of your points seem naive to me. All sorts of marriage vows are broken all the time, some resulting in divorce and some not. How do you enforce being cherished? "You are not cherishing me!!!" "Yes, I am!" "No, you're not!"
For better or worse? Really? How worse? Stay with a drug addict who blows through the family assets and has no desire to get help?
If both parties made a mistake should they stay together and be miserable for the rest of their lives?
Don't get me wrong, I believe strongly in doing everything possible to make marriages work, but I also understand that sometimes it is not possible.
The couple in the article did what they felt needed to be done to make their marriage work.
Pretty much agree with all this ^^^. I have come to realize that I would have been happiest being a polyamorist, and never having gotten married. I have been married 30 years now, plenty of issues in the marriage, but have been faithful. People can grow and change over time. I sometimes think I might broach this very subject with my husband... in the past he would have flipped, but these days I'm not so sure....
There is a lot of, "But you just don't understand that marriage means different things to different people," "Commitment has different definitions depending on the personal beliefs of those involved," "Faithfulness means different things to different people," etc. as a part of this whole topic and discussion.
All true. For my part, I couldn't possibly care less what somebody else's viewpoints and definitions regarding what the terms "marriage," "commitment," and "faithfulness" are, unless I am interested in building my life with that person. If people want to have their own personal definitions of what any of these terms or constructs are, and if those are divergent from mine, I don't care one whit. It doesn't affect me. My husband and I need to be, and are, on the same page with how we define what marriage is, what commitment is, and what faithfulness is, as well as what our respective expectations are. That's really and truly all that matters, in the end. Others can do what they want, it has no bearing on my life. Will I have opinions on it? Sure, if I happen to give it any thought whatsoever, as is perfectly within my rights. But who cares? My views don't dictate theirs, just as theirs don't mine.
They're married now and seemingly happy with their arrangement, so I don't agree that it would have been better for them never to have gotten married. We have no way of knowing if they will split up in the future or regret anything if they do. I have three children, so you probably understand why I could not agree that I should not have gotten married. I admit to not reading the article yet, so I may be missing something.
We actually don't know what the husband feelings are. He was never quoted in the article so I don't know if we can assume he is happy. We are just getting one side of the story.
Quit bouncing around. You were the one talking about legal contracts. The legal marriage contract allows for unilateral termination. If you're now talking about emotional "contracts", those apply emotionally in any relationship (married monogamous, married open, or even unmarried) but are not legally enforceable.
It was an analogy. The purpose was about commitment. Marriage is really not about a piece of paper. It's supposed to be much more than that. If you definition of marriage is relegated to what a paper says and not what people say to one another, then I'm sorry we cannot agree.
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