Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I think the woman in the article has issues. She needs to keep seeing other men outside of her marriage. But they figured out how to work around that. Everyone has issues that the other spouse needs to work around.
You can make vows that fit your definition of marriage, or, partners can choose to change what they originally promised. It happens.
__________________ ____________________________________________
My posts as a Mod will always be in red.
Be sure to review Terms of Service: TOS
And check this out: FAQ
Moderator: Relationships Forum / Hawaii Forum / Dogs / Pets / Current Events
Have you ever ever ever heard "I promise to be sexually monogamous with you for life" in someone's vows? I sure haven't.
Actually, a number of traditional Judeo-Christian marital vows actually do incorporate verbiage along the lines of "to have and to hold, from this day forward, forsaking all others," and similar, the spirit of which is definitely a vow of fidelity - sexual and otherwise.
I wouldn't presume that people into open marriages necessarily use traditional vows, or traditional anything, when they wed, but I haven't been to any of the wedding ceremonies of any of the people I know to be in open marriages, either, so I couldn't actually say. At any rate, though, yeah, many marriage vows in various traditions actually DO address monogamy, though the verbiage varies, and isn't necessarily outright stated as "I promise to bang only you," or similar, obviously. But vows of fidelity in traditional marriage ceremonies are definitely NOT uncommon, in any way, shape, or form.
For many, obviously, fidelity is a cornerstone of marriage. Clearly, it's not for those who willingly enter into open marriages, but I also wouldn't say that open marriages are a societal norm, either. I don't have any stats and am not so invested that I'm going to spend time researching it, either, but I would be very surprised if most people who feel that strongly about keeping their options open choose to enter into open marriages, versus just simply choosing not to marry and enjoying all the relationships they want.
I'm not saying she is being secretive to him, but in general. She doesn't want anyone to know who she is or have her kids know what she is doing.
So what? This is a text conversation I had with my sister yesterday:
Sis: Mom is talking about the cocktails she tried on her trip with Dad. She just said she has never had Sex on the Beach, and now they are both giggling.
Me: omg eww
Sis: They're still giggling! They're acting weird. I think Dad got lucky. Oh God oh God.
Me: I CAN'T HEAR YOU
I am 41 and my sister is 34. If my parents have a sex life, they have certainly never shared it with me, my friends, or our neighbors. I don't tell them about mine either.
LOL there is nothing ethical about monogamy. It's simply a a Christian religion thing. Since the west was able to go through industrial revolution first and have gained world dominance, the rest of the world start to think everything about the west is superior including monogamy.
Monogamy has been dying ever since we allowed divorce and extramarital affairs.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,962,945 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by TabulaRasa
Actually, a number of traditional Judeo-Christian marital vows actually do incorporate verbiage along the lines of "to have and to hold, from this day forward, forsaking all others," and similar, the spirit of which is definitely a vow of fidelity.
I wouldn't presume that people into open marriages necessarily use traditional vows, or traditional anything, when they wed, but I haven't been to any of the wedding ceremonies of any of the people I know to be in open marriages, either, so I couldn't actually say. At any rate, though, yeah, many marriage vows in various traditions actually DO address monogamy, though the verbiage varies, and isn't necessarily outright stated as "I promise to bang only you," or similar, obviously. But vows of fidelity in traditional marriage ceremonies are definitely NOT uncommon, in any way, shape, or form.
For many, obviously, fidelity is a cornerstone of marriage. Clearly, it's not for those who willingly enter into open marriages, but I also wouldn't say that open marriages are a societal norm, either.
Wow, ok. I've been to A LOT of marriages over my adult life, and never remember anything like that. Thankfully though, I don't have many, if any, Christian friends.
All the vows I've heard are different. Many, of course, variation on a theme... but some very different. None have anything that said or implied monogamy.
I guess its just a different sect so to speak. Religious people are so odd.
And no, open marriages aren't the norm, but they are in now way, shape or form uncommon. I'm not a poly dude in any way, but I get approached by many more poly / open marriage women than I do by single and looking for monogamy women. It's not even really close.
But thanks for the insight, TR, I guess it is a thing among some people.
__________________ ____________________________________________
My posts as a Mod will always be in red.
Be sure to review Terms of Service: TOS
And check this out: FAQ
Moderator: Relationships Forum / Hawaii Forum / Dogs / Pets / Current Events
I guess the dilemma is: what do you do (general "you") when neither of you is the same person as when you took those vows? Why end a marriage is otherwise working for both people, just because it doesn't fit into the neat little categories that are the norm?
Wow, ok. I've been to A LOT of marriages over my adult life, and never remember anything like that. Thankfully though, I don't have many, if any, Christian friends.
All the vows I've heard are different. Many, of course, variation on a theme... but some very different. None have anything that said or implied monogamy.
I guess its just a different sect so to speak. Religious people are so odd.
And no, open marriages aren't the norm, but they are in now way, shape or form uncommon. I'm not a poly dude in any way, but I get approached by many more poly / open marriage women than I do by single and looking for monogamy women. It's not even really close.
But thanks for the insight, TR, I guess it is a thing among some people.
And, similarly, many would say that marriages that don't involve fidelity as a cornerstone are quite odd, indeed.
As a person of faith, there are various religious traditions I find odd. Faithfulness toward loved ones doesn't happen to be among them. It doesn't strike me as remotely odd.
But, to each, their own. Again, others' personal definitions of things don't have to appeal or apply to me.
LOL there is nothing ethical about monogamy. It's simply a a Christian religion thing.
No, it really isn't (nor is it exclusively western). Christianity is far from the only cultural subset, religious or otherwise, that generally values monogamy.
Those are the circumstances under which most people make their wedding vows: starry-eyed infatuation. Combine that with youthful ignorance of how people and ideas change, it's not such a bad thing for them to come up with an arrangement that works for them. Infidelity is not at all uncommon (those people took vows, too), but this is an alternative that necessitates openness and honesty.
I don't disagree with your assessment, but I think that is why people are less likely to take marriage seriously. The chances of full commitment are shrinking.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
But vows of fidelity in traditional marriage ceremonies are definitely NOT uncommon, in any way, shape, or form.
