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Old 08-13-2015, 10:05 AM
 
Location: SF/Mill Valley
8,520 posts, read 3,759,061 times
Reputation: 5792

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Quote:
Originally Posted by lucky2balive View Post
a lot of men have very negative preconceptions as to what is expected in "being romantic"...unfortunately many attach jewelry or other trinkets to it, as do many women

I hate the word actually as women use it as a catch all what is wrong with my man "he isn't romantic"

basically...if you love your girl, make sure you remind her...constantly...and not the same way every time

some women genuinely appreciate the little things here and there and it makes them happy...

others have a completely unrealistic expectation as to what LONG term marriage means...its not always the night riding off into the sunset, sorry, and you are by no means a princess, grow up lol

there are lots of ways to make your partner feel loved, appreciated, relevant, important...I just despise that R word


I agree! When I was younger, I think I attached jewelry and materialistic things to romance as well - but as I've matured and gained experience in relationships, I think it's the 'little things' which show a woman romance (and most appreciate it). At least, the type of woman I want to date would appreciate it. And, I think it goes both ways - we like to feel loved and appreciated, too.
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Old 08-13-2015, 10:32 AM
 
9,301 posts, read 8,315,679 times
Reputation: 7328
Quote:
Originally Posted by Loudsco View Post
Now hear me out on this. I have never been married, had a kid, etc etc. But from my experience with romance first hand combined with the relationships ive witnessed and been around, I am starting to come to the conclusion that love, romance, and the closeness that comes with it isnt actually real to a certain extent.

Why do I say this? Because the idea of romance has been gassed up so greatly in our society that I feel like many of us are chasing a concept...a concept which doesnt really function in the same way that many of us would like to believe it does.

What I am basically getting at is in almost every situation now adays, it plays out this way. Whoever has more pull in the relationship will have more power. This weighs in with many factors. But most of the time it is always women who have the upperhand. having better looks and more options. There are cases where the man has the upperhand in these areas. But mostly its women. And who could blame em? When you have so many dudes getting at you, you are obviously going to be susceptible to that.

What I have noticed for me when Ive dated is that no matter how much I get caught in the moment, the fun times, kissing, getting to know a girl, etc etc I am always humbled. Always shown that I am an option. A fun time passin by for them, but the possibility of them curving you for whatever reason is entierley possible. It doesnt really matter how much they seem to like you or how much they make you think somethings there, it can end at any moment,

I used to get mad at this. I took it personally. "why did she start ignoring me? Things seriously seemed to be going great?". Id find out she was seeing a dude she had more interest in, or maybe got back with an ex. Id wonder...was it me? But I try not to let that get to me or control me. I know who I am. But its still frustrating.

But what I learned is...I really cant get mad about it. I just need to almost be the awareness behind all of it. See it for what it is. A fun time. A fun time that could end at any moment and will end at some moment in time. And i just need to be emotionally ready to let go at any moment in time.

Having a relationship isnt the same as having a family member or close best friends. With those people, the love is almost always unconditional. You can always find a friend whos loyal and has your back. But I dont seem to understand how so many people invest their time, money, and emotions in a situation where the love is very conditional and depends and very conditional things,
For the most part, I think you are on to something. Romance is almost never like we play it up to be. Yeah, a lot of people just seem to check out at any point in the relationship.

But in my experience, even family members and close best friends can cut you off out of the blue.
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Old 08-13-2015, 10:54 AM
 
9,301 posts, read 8,315,679 times
Reputation: 7328
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sydney123 View Post
My problem is committing.. at this time in my life. I am feeling like I am just now beginning to enjoy being an independent, single female. I am " in the zone" with my job, finances, socially, my house etc
I don't have anything against relationships and I really want to do the married with kids thing .. In the ( not too distant) future, but right now I am just having too much fun! Some of my co-workers and friends who are in my age range and in committed relationships have indicated to me that they'd wished they'd waited a few more years before making that leap.
Not that they're unhappy.. Just wished they'd waited.
And that when life hits you. Before you know it, you have a man with a ring on your finger.

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Old 08-13-2015, 11:08 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,089 posts, read 107,180,349 times
Reputation: 115885
Quote:
Originally Posted by Loudsco View Post
Now hear me out on this. I have never been married, had a kid, etc etc. But from my experience with romance first hand combined with the relationships ive witnessed and been around, I am starting to come to the conclusion that love, romance, and the closeness that comes with it isnt actually real to a certain extent.

Why do I say this? Because the idea of romance has been gassed up so greatly in our society that I feel like many of us are chasing a concept...a concept which doesnt really function in the same way that many of us would like to believe it does.

What I am basically getting at is in almost every situation now adays, it plays out this way. Whoever has more pull in the relationship will have more power. This weighs in with many factors. But most of the time it is always women who have the upperhand. having better looks and more options. There are cases where the man has the upperhand in these areas. But mostly its women. And who could blame em? When you have so many dudes getting at you, you are obviously going to be susceptible to that.

What I have noticed for me when Ive dated is that no matter how much I get caught in the moment, the fun times, kissing, getting to know a girl, etc etc I am always humbled. Always shown that I am an option. A fun time passin by for them, but the possibility of them curving you for whatever reason is entierley possible. It doesnt really matter how much they seem to like you or how much they make you think somethings there, it can end at any moment,

I used to get mad at this. I took it personally. "why did she start ignoring me? Things seriously seemed to be going great?". Id find out she was seeing a dude she had more interest in, or maybe got back with an ex. Id wonder...was it me? But I try not to let that get to me or control me. I know who I am. But its still frustrating.

But what I learned is...I really cant get mad about it. I just need to almost be the awareness behind all of it. See it for what it is. A fun time. A fun time that could end at any moment and will end at some moment in time. And i just need to be emotionally ready to let go at any moment in time.

Having a relationship isnt the same as having a family member or close best friends. With those people, the love is almost always unconditional. You can always find a friend whos loyal and has your back. But I dont seem to understand how so many people invest their time, money, and emotions in a situation where the love is very conditional and depends and very conditional things,
OP, you've been picking the wrong women. Or you're looking at relationships the wrong way. Either side can walk at any time, if things don't work out. In a healthy relationship, neither side "has more pull". It's not a power struggle. It's two people seeing how well they get along, to see if they can build something long-term. The women I know don't have multiple options. But just because they don't doesn't mean they'll stay with a guy who doesn't treat them right, or with whom they have little in common. There's always the option to go it alone. You have that option, too.

So I don't understand what your problem is. Unless you've been going for higher-maintenance, possibly shallow women. Take a step back, and see if you discern a pattern to the choices you've been making in partners. It sounds like there is a pattern, and that it's not working for you.
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Old 08-13-2015, 06:52 PM
 
Location: Avignon, France
11,140 posts, read 7,882,062 times
Reputation: 28883
Quote:
Originally Posted by TJenkins602 View Post
And that when life hits you. Before you know it, you have a man with a ring on your finger.

That would be acceptable! I love surprises!!!!
I am just not looking at my biological wrist watch, or wondering why I am not finding Mr. Wonderful... At present.
If he sneaks up on me... Kudos to him! Lol
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Old 08-13-2015, 07:22 PM
 
Location: Pa
42,763 posts, read 52,730,311 times
Reputation: 25361
Quote:
Originally Posted by CorporateCowboy View Post
Love doesn't need pixie dust - it requires common sense, maturity, passion, and selflessness.
Love tends to put you on cloud 9 and be very stupid.

I've been there.
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Old 08-13-2015, 07:37 PM
 
Location: SF/Mill Valley
8,520 posts, read 3,759,061 times
Reputation: 5792
Quote:
Originally Posted by Raena77 View Post
Love tends to put you on cloud 9 and be very stupid.

I've been there.

Common sense, maturity, communication, and selfishness isn't stupidity - nor is it being on cloud 9. Too many people rely on 'luck' or 'pixie dust' when solid relationships take work and commitment. Unfortunately, we've all been there (in a relationship that ultimately wasn't right for us), but that is the #1 turnoff for me when dating a woman - a negative attitude (or a tendency to blame) rather than just accept not everyone we date is going to be our princess or prince (and have a sense of humor about it).
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Old 08-13-2015, 07:38 PM
 
Location: SF/Mill Valley
8,520 posts, read 3,759,061 times
Reputation: 5792
Haha - that should read selflessness, not selfishness!
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Old 08-13-2015, 09:11 PM
 
Location: Pa
42,763 posts, read 52,730,311 times
Reputation: 25361
Quote:
Originally Posted by CorporateCowboy View Post
Common sense, maturity, communication, and selfishness isn't stupidity - nor is it being on cloud 9. Too many people rely on 'luck' or 'pixie dust' when solid relationships take work and commitment. Unfortunately, we've all been there (in a relationship that ultimately wasn't right for us), but that is the #1 turnoff for me when dating a woman - a negative attitude (or a tendency to blame) rather than just accept not everyone we date is going to be our princess or prince (and have a sense of humor about it).
I do have a sense of humor about it.
I eff up, he effs up, personality missmatch. ..

Look I know love exists, but many can't find it.
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Old 08-13-2015, 09:31 PM
 
Location: SF/Mill Valley
8,520 posts, read 3,759,061 times
Reputation: 5792
Quote:
Originally Posted by Raena77 View Post
I do have a sense of humor about it.
I eff up, he effs up, personality missmatch. ..

Look I know love exists, but many can't find it.
Yeah, I know - I wasn't speaking to you personally? I'm one of the people who can't find it (lol) but I enjoy dating and meeting women; and sooner or later - well? Maybe
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