Should Girlfriend Take Care Of Her Exe's Child?

[stan4]

Originally Posted by TabulaRasa

Good point. If she were to volunteer to watch ANY child, would have the same problem, since that child wouldn't be yours, either?

Exactly.

[hawaiiancoconut]

Originally Posted by Chris Meyers

I laughed when I read your post. Shes now got a "brother" where shes currently living and a "loving soon to be father" as ex's still in her life who pose no danger to their relationship. Nope. None at all. :-) Soon dude is gonna be the "understanding and very sympathetic shoulder to cry on" when he joins her ex boyfriends club. She has a collection going and she likes access to all of em :-P

Not only is the girlfriend bff with an ex lovers wife, but she's also living with her other ex lover (and mom)

Call me immature, but that's two too many ex's all at one time.

[JustJulia]

I'm just not getting the territorialism over a girlfriend of one year who doesn't live with you. She's not your wife, and it doesn't sound like you're engaged. You're dating. Put a ring on it if you feel you have to assert your place in her life.

[convextech]

Originally Posted by steelstress

And there's the problem. So, if she decides to babysit for the neighbor, you'd STILL have a problem. Grow up, get over yourself.

This. So what if she has a friendly relationship with her ex? Either you are confident in your relationship or you're not. If you can't trust her, you don't really have a relationship.

[jumpinjivinjoe]

She helps take care of other friend's children and I don't have a problem with that at all.

-----

There are two parts of the brain.

The logical civilized part of the mind and the intuitive primal part of the brain.

Logically I don't have any problem with her situation. She only views her ex as a friend and wishes she hadn't ever gotten involved. In fact her ex actually hides out when my girlfriend visits his wife. So there is no problem with the situation in logical thinking.

What I am talking about is the primal part of the brain that pulls from the collective human history, indeed all of our feelings stem from our unconscious which was developed over hundreds of thousands of year.

My primal part of my brain does not like the situation. Sometimes you need to heed intuition and sometimes you need to heed logic.

The question is which side of the brain do I heed? Logic or feelings?

I am also looking to see if my feelings are valid or if it simply anxious paranoia.

[Mikala43]

Ok, in those situations I go with the logic part of my brain, but keep the intuitive *alert* in mind.

If you are okay with her living with an ex, but have a funny feeling about her hanging out with the other exes wife, you have to pay some attention to your gut reaction. I would tell her that something bothers you about the situation that you can't put your finger on.

If someone I was dating told me that I would pay attention, I wouldn't necessarily change my behavior, but I would try to look at the things with a fresh eye.

If my spouse told me that I would stop, because he is very smart, and not normally unreasonable.

[JrzDefector]

She lives with her ex-boyfriend, his wife and her mother, and apparently enjoys healthy friendships with all of them. Things are long over between her and her ex. And you choose to make your stand on the fact that she is anticipating taking part in the raising of a child of people she has close relationships with?

It's something that speaks well of her and how open-hearted she is and also speaks well of her maternal instincts towards any child of her own that she has in the future... and you see it as a threat.

You are her partner. She has built a social network/community for herself and you would seek to put limits on it rather than join it.

I could understand you not wanting to be involved with a woman who lived with an ex, even if the situation seems perfectly innocuous. But this? Ridiculous and petty on your part.