HELP-its been 2 years.Still don't know what he's thinking! (men, single, husband)

[Tzaphkiel]

Only you can know when you've waited long enough.

As far as keeping you from the family, guys could do that for a number of reasons, one of them being they don't want YOU to get scared off by the family. The bottom line is the important thing is the relationship you have with him, and that sounds solid.

[tulegirl]

It has taken this guy almost a year to tell you he loves you, It doesn't surprise me that it would take longer for him to propose.

[songinthewind7]

If he's been with you 2 years knowing you want to get married and hasn't made an attempt to marry you, chances are, he isn't going to in the future.

[miu]

Originally Posted by songinthewind7

If he's been with you 2 years knowing you want to get married and hasn't made an attempt to marry you, chances are, he isn't going to in the future.

I disagree. What should he rush to be on her timetable? Why do couples rush to get engaged and then married when the divorce rate is so high in our country? Plus there are kids involved, her kids.

He told her that he loved her at 11 months. And I'm sure that he was sincere about that. He knows that she wants to get married, he sees her every day and if he wasn't serious about her, he would have left her a long time ago.

[Lindsey_Mcfarren]

Originally Posted by miu

I disagree. What should he rush to be on her timetable? Why do couples rush to get engaged and then married when the divorce rate is so high in our country? Plus there are kids involved, her kids.

He told her that he loved her at 11 months. And I'm sure that he was sincere about that. He knows that she wants to get married, he sees her every day and if he wasn't serious about her, he would have left her a long time ago.

I disagree with part of what your saying. Men don't necessarily identify that the woman has the desire to marry and he does not so he leaves. Its at this point an easy relationship for him, he is getting what he wants with no commitment. He has no other family around but he has this woman and her kids but he knows he can back out at any time. Why would he leave when he has it so good? Men have been known to think only of their own needs and take advantage of a woman who is in love with them full well knowing they have no intention of committing to her. Thats where the old saying of "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free" came from.

[miu]

That old saying of "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free" is centuries old. However, in this day and age, and in the US, most couples sample the wares before committing to a long term relationship or marriage. And if a couple isn't going to have children together or mix finances and real estate, there is no need to even marry.

Also, what's changed culturally since that old saying was invented, is that the woman's pleasure is as important as the man getting satisfaction in the bedroom. So in sampling the wares, the women are benefiting too, not just the men. Also not everyone is compatible sexually.

Every relationship is different, and in this particular situation, the O.P. has children, she is 29 and he is 30, and from what I see, he is a man that is cautious and imo doing it the right way. He sees her every day. He is serious and sincere about his use of the L word. He doesn't seem like a player to me. Two years is not long at all for a courtship. And it makes sure that it's not just infatuation between the two of them. Again, with the current divorce rate so high, I don't understand anyone's rush to get engaged. Otherwise, if this guy is honorable is all other aspects of his life, then he is worth waiting for.

I find that if a person is a decent, honorable and considerate person their actions carry over to their love life. And the guys and gals that cheat or don't want to commit, are also people that lie and skate in other parts of their life. Only the O.P. knows him this well and ultimately it's her decision if she wants to wait for a wedding proposal from him. And he knows what she wants, as all men know that women love to have a wedding band on their finger... actually it's not the wedding band they want, it's that big ole diamond engagement ring to show off to their friends. ( j/k!!!)

And that's another thing, he's only recently out of med school, he is probably still juggling student loan payments, so maybe he's trying hard to save for a decent engagement ring for her, and those don't come cheap.

[austinsmom]

There are some good points on this thread. Some I agree with and some I don't. The main point I disagree with is that his not telling his mom that you have kids is not a bad thing. It is most definitely a flag that he hasn't shared that. If he has intentions of ever having a future with you especially after 2 years, he would tell her that you have kids. If his family is so adamantly against divorce, they probably won't be too keen on a woman who got pregnant out of wedlock (it doesn't matter that you married the guy). I'm not being judgmental....but that is the reality of what is probably going on. I wouldn't push the marriage thing anymore but I would get to the bottom of the kids thing. If he doesn't want to tell his family about the kids, then something is most definitely not right. I hope I'm wrong but your really need to talk to him about why he isn't sharing this information. Someone said it's b/c he may not want her to push her opinion on him. Won't she do that regardless of when he tells her if she is going to? My kids would come before wanting to get married. Just think about it and good luck.

[Lindsey_Mcfarren]

I agree with you there, its very odd that he has not only NOT taken this woman to meet his Mother and told her about and introduced her to her kids.

To me that speaks volumes. If a man doesn't want to introduce you to Mom, he can't be serious about you. Unless there is something horribly wrong with Mom and even then you would think he would discuss this with the woman he loves.

[songinthewind7]

Originally Posted by miu

I disagree. What should he rush to be on her timetable? Why do couples rush to get engaged and then married when the divorce rate is so high in our country? Plus there are kids involved, her kids.

He told her that he loved her at 11 months. And I'm sure that he was sincere about that. He knows that she wants to get married, he sees her every day and if he wasn't serious about her, he would have left her a long time ago.

No need to rush if both are in agreement but she wants to get married so he needs to either give her what she wants or she needs to give up the relationship and find someone she can marry.
I don't think 2 years is rushing anything, in my opinion. I've been with my s/o now for 3 years and we're in love. If after 3 years, if he couldn't tell me he loved me and if that's what I wanted, we would have to go our separate ways.

[LaoTzuMindFu]

I think you should just be happy with your current arrangement and not worry about marriage. Women look at things like this through a totally different lens than men. Youre thinking "He's great, he's great to my kids and he seems to really love me, and I love him and with his money he can take care of us......". He's thinking "I am at the beginning of what could be a very rewarding career, Im young and I have a good thing with Noem and I do not want to screw up my potential career and earnings potential by getting married to someone with kids, plus Im worried about what my family would say about getting married to a woman with ready made family".

You have to ask yourself if the thought and romance of "getting married" is more important to you than just "having this great guy in your life". Because if it is, you can pretty much forget about having him around much longer.