HELP-its been 2 years.Still don't know what he's thinking!

[LaoTzuMindFu]

Please understand, that there is NO real incentive for men to get married. Im sure he's happy with the current set up and will probably be happy with it for many many years, but what could get interesting is if the woman pressures him to get married. Marriage is not a "WIN" situation for any man. Especially in this case when the woman already has kids. He's probably thinking that he'll have to spend 3.5 months salary for a ring, then pay for the entire wedding, then he will have to be legaly financially responsible for HER children and if things dont really work out, he'll have to give her half of his stuff in the divorce and will have to pay her alimony for what could be years after that. This is definately not a situation a young doctor would want to be in. Just looking at it from a man's point of view.

[songinthewind7]

Originally Posted by NOEM1226

I am a single mother who has been dating the same man exclusively for over 2 years. We do not live together but see each other daily. We have a very stable relationship.He is beyond helpful with my children.He often cooks for us and does "husband like things" such as helping kids with homework and even stops to buy toilet paper if I am out at my house etc,etc.He is a pretty incredible man.He has the qualities of a great husband and father.BUT there are 2 things going on that drive me crazy 1.) he knows that I someday hope to get remarried. I have even told him that I hope we get married someday(and for me someday could not be soon enough)When it comes to this subject he is not a big talker.When I flat out ask him if this is something he hopes for in the future his response is "We'll see".I don't mind giving a person some time but I need to move on if this is not something he sees in his future.I love him-but I love myself too much to let him string me along when there is someone out there who wont be so wishy washy about their future with me. if you have to give someone an ultimatium-do you really want to be with them??2.His mother lives a great distance from us so he doesn't see her often. He has told her about me. HOWEVER-after 2 years of being around my children daily he has yet to tell her about them.I asked him if he was ashamed of the kids and I and he said "oh baby is not that-you'll just have to trust me on this one.WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?? H

I didn't ask this in my other post but what is the reason you want to get married?
If you know he loves you and the relationship is stable, why want more?
I agree with DaBeez on this one too. I think you're fantasizing a wedding and white picket fence, living happily ever after and life's not like that. Sounds like he's not really into the kids either.

[NOEM1226]

I agree that a our relationship is stable and I am thankful for that. However, I personally prefer marriage vs. a lifetime of dating someone.I know men who are happy to be married despite the fact that there were "no incintives" in it for them. It is just a personal prefrence.It's not that I want to rush down the isle- I just need to know if it is something that he would never want, so that I can find someone who shares my beliefs on this.DaBeez-did you confuse the words single mother with helpless beggar?? My intrest in once again being married has nothing to do with"wanting someone with money to take care of us"!Although I am not a doctor, I am perfectly capable of finacially providing for myself and my children. I want to get married someday wether the person I marry makes 30k or 230k. Even if I did marry him and it did'nt work out -you cannot ask for alimony in this state and how could he ever be held financially responisible for my kids?-Their father pays child support. I could not ask for it from both of them. And making him pay for a wedding-I am intrested in my marriage, not a wedding (I would not even want one) and as far as making him foot the bill for a wedding- I am not that tacky!! Nor am I naive enough to think that marriage is always happy ever after, white picket fences,etc,etc. I have been married before! But I am not giving up on the idea that marriage can be worth it.