HELP-its been 2 years.Still don't know what he's thinking! (dating, girlfriends, marriage)

[NOEM1226]

I am a single mother who has been dating the same man exclusively for over 2 years. We do not live together but see each other daily. We have a very stable relationship.He is beyond helpful with my children.He often cooks for us and does "husband like things" such as helping kids with homework and even stops to buy toilet paper if I am out at my house etc,etc.He is a pretty incredible man.He has the qualities of a great husband and father.BUT there are 2 things going on that drive me crazy 1.) he knows that I someday hope to get remarried. I have even told him that I hope we get married someday(and for me someday could not be soon enough)When it comes to this subject he is not a big talker.When I flat out ask him if this is something he hopes for in the future his response is "We'll see".I don't mind giving a person some time but I need to move on if this is not something he sees in his future.I love him-but I love myself too much to let him string me along when there is someone out there who wont be so wishy washy about their future with me. if you have to give someone an ultimatium-do you really want to be with them??2.His mother lives a great distance from us so he doesn't see her often. He has told her about me. HOWEVER-after 2 years of being around my children daily he has yet to tell her about them.I asked him if he was ashamed of the kids and I and he said "oh baby is not that-you'll just have to trust me on this one.WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?? H

[miu]

How old are the two of you? What do you both do for work? Does he have career plans? Can he afford to marry you? Some guys don't want to get married until they can afford to do it right. You have kids, so that is an even bigger financial consideration for him to think about.

And your children's father, is he in the picture? What about the child support payments?

[dlh891]

Oh boy! I sounded somewhat like you nine years ago (minus the children), and here I still am, unmarried in the same relationship. Eleven years and no marriage in sight.

I, of course, have no advice. Just wanted to wish you luck!

[NOEM1226]

I am 29, He is 30.I am a medical billing clerk. He is a Dr. (not a the same office) FYI. He has only been out of medical school for 1 year ( I met him while he was a student), but yes he can afford it. Money is not an issue for either one of us- I comfortably support the kids (with the help of their father) so I can't imagine that being a burden he would have to worry about too much. To dlh- Thanks for the well wishes.Eleven Years!! and I'm thinking of throwing in the towel at 2. You are a woman of extreme patience!may it pay off for you.

[NOEM1226]

I just don't want to be that "till something better comes along girl" but for the most part his actions and involvement don't tell me that I am. He is just holding back with the family/commitment part for some reason

[dlh891]

Originally Posted by NOEM1226

I am 29, He is 30.I am a medical billing clerk. He is a Dr. (not a the same office) FYI. He has only been out of medical school for 1 year ( I met him while he was a student), but yes he can afford it. Money is not an issue for either one of us- I comfortably support the kids (with the help of their father) so I can't imagine that being a burden he would have to worry about too much. To dlh- Thanks for the well wishes.Eleven Years!! and I'm thinking of throwing in the towel at 2. You are a woman of extreme patience!may it pay off for you.

LOL! No guts here or I would have been gone long ago!

You are the one with guts to be questioning what is going on, I wish I had some of what you do.

Dawn

[christina0001]

I think the least he owes you, out of common decency, is honesty. He should be honest enough to tell you what is expectations are.

[nebulous1]

Why do you want to get married so bad?
Who cares if it's been 2 years, is it a contest??
Maybe he doesn't want to take responsibility for a family.
It is much better to have a good partner than a lousy marriage.
I wouldn't let marriage be the focus at all.

[Huckleberry3911948]

divorce makes men think?

[miu]

Originally Posted by NOEM1226

I just don't want to be that "till something better comes along girl" but for the most part his actions and involvement don't tell me that I am. He is just holding back with the family/commitment part for some reason

Are you his first serious girlfriend? Or were some of his old girfriends really bad? Does he actually believe in marriage? I've met a few young men that were adamant that they didn't believe in matrimony, yet loved their girlfriends of many years. Guys also hate to be nagged about getting married. And the more the woman nags, the more they avoid popping the question. What about his family? Is there a history of divorce there?

If you have the patience, love him and want to marry him... stop talking about wanting to get married for one year. Don't even hint at it. Give him a chance to propose to you in a manner that is spontaneous, his decision and not because you nagged him about it. Guys also love to surprise their girlfriends when they propose to them. At the end of the year, let's say you give him (without telling him) until February 15 of 2009 to make that move on his own. After that, just break up with him and move on with your life. If he has a chance to miss your company, that could shock him into wanting to propose to you. But there is a chance that he might be gone permanently out of your life.