Dating outside of your economic status (man, separation, kids, friend)

[TKramar]

Originally Posted by sierraAZ

It's the best when both people are at about the same level. The balance of power is very fragile. As they say, nobody works as hard for his/her money than those who marry it. I'm not saying it's necessarily bad if one makes a lot more, but the other one should make sure he/she can support him/herself independently, particularly these days.

That would depend on where you and your "room mate" are staying. If you're BOTH contributing to paying the rent, you can probably afford a more expensive place as a person who is single and trying to pay rent and other expenses.

I say "room mate"--because if all you're going to do is split rent, and pay all your other expenses individually...you might as well just get yourself a "room mate" and not worry about having a "relationship".

[sierraAZ]

Originally Posted by TKramar

That would depend on where you and your "room mate" are staying. If you're BOTH contributing to paying the rent, you can probably afford a more expensive place as a person who is single and trying to pay rent and other expenses.

I say "room mate"--because if all you're going to do is split rent, and pay all your other expenses individually...you might as well just get yourself a "room mate" and not worry about having a "relationship".

Have no idea what brought this up, but since I'm often puzzled by your posts anyway, I'll just let it go.

[TKramar]

Originally Posted by sierraAZ

Have no idea what brought this up, but since I'm often puzzled by your posts anyway, I'll just let it go.

There's no reason to have more than one person earning the income for the household. There are other jobs that need to be done, that receive no compensation, but the joy of living in a decent home, and not a shack.

[professorsenator]

Originally Posted by TKramar

There's no reason to have more than one person earning the income for the household....

Depends entirely on the income, the household, and the professional and personal obligations of the people in that household. Your blanket statement is laughably simplistic, suggestive of a stunted and/or naive understanding of the complexities and diversity of family life in America.

[bxlefty23]

Originally Posted by itlchick

Sort of interesting....generally speaking, I would not sign a pre-nup (either you trust me or you don't).

However, 100 million dollars is a lot of money. It's not like he makes 30k and she makes 100k. So in that case, I would sign a VERY generous pre-nup (like I get 5 mil or something for 7 years of marriage etc). Kind of like the one Katie Holmes got.

Class is an interesting thing. Most people don't want to admit that it can cause problems or that it even exists. But even in the 30k v. 100k (or parents who make 30k vs. parents who make 100k), problems can come up.

wow how noble of you 5 mil for doing nothing

[tripleh]

Originally Posted by miu

Guys are much more comfortable with dating a woman that is beneath them in socio-economic status. But all they are looking for is someone to have their children with. And if she will be a stay at home mom, then it doesn't much matter if she only graduated from college. However, the greater the money gap, the more beautiful and hot looking she would need to be.

Miu,

I love your posts. That right there is -extremely- well said. I fully agree.
Sure, that might get some guys labeled as shallow or whatever, but you like what you like.

I was in the described situation in my last 2 relationships. In fact my gf hadn't even finished high school. Of course it starts with the physical attraction, but once you know the person that doesn't matter as much.

However, in the big picture I can honestly say I don't care how much she makes or what social class she is in as long as the attraction and interests are there. The comments concerning "you should watch less TV and goto a college class" are dead on as well. Usually people in different social status's will have different levels of ambition and motivation as well, which will certainly cause friction at times.

As far as the prenup, I'm sorry if I ever did decide to marry there will be one. I've watched both my brothers buy their ex-wives houses, and that isn't happening to me. Remember the old "its me, not you" speech you used to give guys all the time. Guess what, this is it coming right back at you. It does not have anything to do with me not trusting you.

I've never dated a woman that made more than me, but hey I'd love it I think. Someone to take care of me for once instead of the other way around! And further motivation to excel in my own career as well. I think I'd like it.

[115db]

Good question, but the answers are real. Dating, maybe, but personally, I wouldnt (and cant) marry for many reasons. One being that the one who has the great credit rating, no matter how high the score, will be affected by the one with the lower rating. Their score goes down right along with the other. And.....its better not to drag the better person down with you, after all their hard work. (Why cant the lower score boost, instead, if the person is trying to catch up)?
Dont try and compete with the better one, by suddenly going out and buying top dollar name brand expensive lothes, just to try and keep up with the other's status. Let them be themselves, and you be yourself, as comfortably as possible, and see what works out from there.

[impala666]

Having wealth does not turn you into a monster...It just turns everybody else into monsters!!

[stan4]

Yah...prenups are like car insurance. You don't ever plan to crash. You sure as heck don't ever want to crash. You pretty much devote a lot of your attention to not crashing. But you still have car insurance.

To say asking for a pre-nup somehow mitigates your love or lowers your expectations for a long, happy life together is neither fair nor true. It's just insurance and it just makes sense. Why should someone walk away with half of your stuff (especially if you had it before you got together) just because you were married?

I don't drive more recklessly because I have car insurance, and I wouldn't take my relationship less seriously because I have "an out." If not having a prenup is supposed to be incentive to stay married, you have bigger problems.

As to the difference in socioeconomic status...I think the differences in how you were raised (how much money your family had) means more than how much money you have as a working adult. That is, how much wealth you were exposed to while growing up. I think that makes a big impression in terms of perspective, money handling, experiences, ambitions...even political leanings or education.

Similar backgrounds and outlooks really make the difference. At least it has for me and most of those I know.

[tag08]

If I were to marry wealthy, I would sign a prenup.. no questions asked! If I were the wealthy one, the guy would have to sign a prenup or there would be no marriage. I've heard that the person you marry is NOT the same person you divorce. In today's society, there is definitely a higher chance that the relationship won't last than a chance that it will so it's ridiculous to give that "Why sign a prenup if we're not planning on getting a divorce?"

I would like to think that I wouldn't become a gold digger.. Typically, I don't really feel comfortable when guys give me gifts as it is. But I've seen people change and take things for granted when money is readily available.. A friend of mine was used to getting roses every month on their anniversary.. she'd throw a mini-fit if he missed a month :-)