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It's not too much to ask your future wife to let the past go. Some of the women on here are just displaying their go-girl nonsense. If this was a guy with a 4 page list he would be deemed a creep.
I may have missed where the number of pages of her list was discussed. Her list may well be much shorter than his. Then what? What if, like my SO, the German woman has total recall? IMO it is too much to ask your future wife to let her past go. I have not had to let my past go to satisfy any insecurities on my SO's behalf. I remain fairly good friends with the last ex that I had before her. We are in different states but these days that's hardly relevant. There is a big difference between someone keeping a list of past lovers and someone keeping an active lover(s) on the side. Can we agree that there is a difference?
Wait, guys get into a major trust debate with themselves about their gf/wife getting a massage? Why would anyone develop interest in a massage therapist? This is irrational, people. What would you say if your gf told you that you weren't allowed to see a female massage therapist, only males, for that sports injury last weekend? (Example)
Fortunately, I hate saunas.
Mostly, those people are in there who should stay covered
There are usually no hot girls or guys.
I have gone about 10x in my life and nobody hit on me nor did I witness any flirting. It is just interesting how shameless old people are there, with bending over (while putting slippers on) without a towel around the waist and balls or boobs almost at the knees.
Wait, guys get into a major trust debate with themselves about their gf/wife getting a massage? Why would anyone develop interest in a massage therapist? This is irrational, people. What would you say if your gf told you that you weren't allowed to see a female massage therapist, only males, for that sports injury last weekend? (Example)
Fortunately, I hate saunas.
Major trust debate no. But... we frequently start things off with me giving her a massage. I am usually very professional and my character is that of someone very professional albeit unable to completely remain that way which leads to... ...
She isn't keeping it so that she can look at it and daydream about those men. She's keeping it because she feels like that's part of her history that it would be wrong to simply forget.
We may not dream about past events (history) in our lives, but we do preserve the ones that are important to us. I don't think its strange for sexually adventurous people to keep lists of their lovers, any more than an athlete might keep a scrapbook.
He doesn't have to move to Germany. He's choosing to do that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by oh-eve
You don't know the specific circumstances. He might have better job opportunities in Germany as she has in Mexico. They might have a better life there. With certainty they will have more financial support and government help if they want to have children. Maybe he speaks German but she doesn't speak Spanish. Maybe he just likes German culture and wants to live there anyway ...
No, he already said he's doing it because she doesn't want to be away from her parents. She put her foot down. It's one of those choices that's not really a choice. A foregone conclusion.
Quote:
Originally Posted by AlexCB
Im moving to Germany for her, leaving my company, my family and my friends behind to be with her because she says she cant live away from her parents.
Don't think he's not going to bring this up every single time he gets pissed about something.
No, he already said he's doing it because she doesn't want to be away from her parents. She put her foot down. It's one of those choices that's not really a choice. A foregone conclusion.
Don't think he's not going to bring this up every single time he gets pissed about something.
It's still a choice. He could have chosen to break up with her. My husband moved to New York to be with me because I said I wouldn't live anywhere else. He chose to stay with me. He didn't resent me for this. He moved willingly. And it turned out to be the best career move he could have made.
Has anyone mentioned that uprooting your life and moving half way around the globe for a woman seems like a really bad idea?
I mentioned it, or implied it, from the get-go. But the OP says he's lived with her in Germany for a year, so he knows what he's getting himself into. He says.
I don't know why people keep talking about his insecurities, instead of her lack of tact and respect for his feelings. He does accept her past, but is feeling very uncomfortable by the way she flaunted it in front of him. I'm surprised she doesn't know him well him enough as to not have told him about the list, or that she didn't realise that she hurt his feelings and apologized to him.
Part of why we like being in love and beginning a new love relationship is because they renew us, they bring that new pure happy energy in our lives, that we all feel, at least sometimes, that they make the past vanish or seem so little important compared to our so much more wonderful present moment. Love relationships need this hope and thrill and she sort of ruined it for him, at least temporarily, and it was totally unnecessary.
She wasn't talking to her girl friends, she was talking to her lover and her future husband, and I don't know what planet that girl is living on, as to not know that she doesn't need to share some things with the man who loves her, if not from respect for him, al least for herself.
Last edited by BlazingStars; 06-09-2015 at 06:11 PM..
I don't know why people keep talking about his insecurities, instead of her lack of tact and respect for his feelings. He does accept her past, but is feeling very uncomfortable by the way she flaunted it in front of him. I'm surprised she doesn't know him well him enough as to not have told him about the list, or that she didn't realise that she hurt his feelings and apologized to him.
Part of why we like being in love and beginning a new love relationship is because they renew us, they bring that new pure happy element in our lives, that we all feel, at least sometimes, that they make the past vanish or feel so little important compared to our so much more wonderful present moment. Love relationships need this hope and thrill and she sort of ruined it for him, at least temporarily, and it was totally unnecessary.
She wasn't talking with her girl friends, she was talking to her lover and her future husband, and I don't know what planet that girl is living on, as to not know that she doesn't need to share some things with the man who loves her, if not from respect for him, al least for herself.
She didn't "flaunt" it. She shared it. On impulse.
In fact, the way she shared it is a reflection of how little she is worried about its effect on her relationship. NOT AT ALL.
And that is why people are bringing up his insecurities. It was not a problem until HE MADE IT A PROBLEM.
She isn't wistfully going over the list every night. It's just an artifact from her past. But the boyfriend took it personally and made a federal case out of it because of HIS feelings about the meaning of womanhood.
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