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Old 06-08-2015, 04:41 PM
 
4,038 posts, read 4,843,295 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AlexCB View Post
We were just talking on the phone and suddenly she said "Oh I just came across this, have I ever told you about my list?"
Sounds like she doesn't attach much importance to it, in terms of the relationship. But then she wants to keep it, and is making an issue of it? IDK, sounds strange.
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Old 06-08-2015, 04:44 PM
 
5,413 posts, read 6,669,355 times
Reputation: 9351
Quote:
Originally Posted by AlexCB View Post
Hi

So Ive been dating this german girl for over a year and a few weeks ago I asked her to marry me. Everything was going great even though we had to split for a while (she lives in Germany and I live in Mexico).
Im moving to Germany for her, leaving my company, my family and my friends behind to be with her because she says she cant live away from her parents.
A week ago we were facetiming and she brought up her "sex partners" list to the conversation. I knew she had boyfriends before me and also not boyfriend guys who she slept with, with which Im ok giving that I was highly sexually active before meeting her.
After learning about this list, I told her it makes me very uncomfortable that she keeps a list that reminds her of her past sex partners and relationships, so I asked her to get rid of it.
Her response was a negative. She said that it was important to her to keep that list because in 20 or 30 years she wants to know the names of the guys with whom she slept with in order for her not to feel like a *****.
I responded telling her that she doesn't need to know that, that all that is in the past and she should let it go. I also told her that it was very important to me for her to make that list disappear.
She keeps saying no, even though that might always be a problem between us.

What you guys think? Am I being irational or is she? Is it really worth it to jeopardize our relationship for a list? And by the way, I think girl keeping such lists is not classy and lady-like.

Thank you
She's German...they tend to be very practical and not uptight about sex.

If you can't deal....do you and her a favor and move on. Your behaving like this is not impressive.
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Old 06-08-2015, 04:45 PM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
21,192 posts, read 25,088,385 times
Reputation: 22274
Quote:
Originally Posted by hawaiiancoconut View Post
It would really be no different than a guy keeping his sex tapes with previous women tucked away in a box in the garage.

I say keep your list and I'll keep my tapes
Having a list just so you can remember the names of people you slept with 30 years down the line is totally different from keeping sex tapes.

Quote:
Originally Posted by NewbiePoster View Post
Sounds like she doesn't attach much importance to it, in terms of the relationship. But then she wants to keep it, and is making an issue of it? IDK, sounds strange.
You can have something that isn't that important - but that doesn't mean that you want to throw it away. I keep my old diaries. I don't reread them all the time and I'm not obsessed with them - but I still wouldn't throw them away.
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Old 06-08-2015, 04:47 PM
 
5,413 posts, read 6,669,355 times
Reputation: 9351
Quote:
Originally Posted by AlexCB View Post
We were just talking on the phone and suddenly she said "Oh I just came across this, have I ever told you about my list?"
So she's being up front with you...I bet you'd be complaining just as much if you came across the list while snopping 10 years from now because she thought she couldn't trust you to be an adult about it.
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Old 06-08-2015, 04:48 PM
 
Location: European Union
176 posts, read 188,728 times
Reputation: 287
He just needs to understand and maybe come to terms with it. Something like this doesn't exactly happen every day or you expect it to happen.

I think it's like a mini diary for her and you should try to put this behind you, OP.
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Old 06-08-2015, 04:55 PM
 
Location: Arizona
8,227 posts, read 8,557,949 times
Reputation: 27512
Keeping a list is strange, telling you about it is stranger.

I would wonder how many pages?
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Old 06-08-2015, 04:57 PM
 
16 posts, read 11,439 times
Reputation: 19
I understand everything you people are saying, especially the women.

But it is really important to me that she forgets about that list, Im making compromises for her, actually leaving my whole life behind because of her.

Is it too much too ask to get rid of a stupid list in return of everything Im giving up for her?
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Old 06-08-2015, 05:03 PM
 
609 posts, read 613,319 times
Reputation: 924
Quote:
Originally Posted by AlexCB View Post
I understand everything you people are saying, especially the women.

But it is really important to me that she forgets about that list, Im making compromises for her, actually leaving my whole life behind because of her.

Is it too much too ask to get rid of a stupid list in return of everything Im giving up for her?
No it's not. Especially considering the bolded part.
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Old 06-08-2015, 05:05 PM
 
5,413 posts, read 6,669,355 times
Reputation: 9351
Quote:
Originally Posted by AlexCB View Post
I understand everything you people are saying, especially the women.

But it is really important to me that she forgets about that list, Im making compromises for her, actually leaving my whole life behind because of her.

Is it too much too ask to get rid of a stupid list in return of everything Im giving up for her?
Yes, it is. This is not a contest. If you are going to hold "all you gave up" over her (willingly I might add...she's not holding a gun to your head) every time she does something you don't want.....than don't move there.

Do both of yourselves a favor and postpone it at least you can have an adult relationship.
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Old 06-08-2015, 05:07 PM
 
5,413 posts, read 6,669,355 times
Reputation: 9351
Quote:
Originally Posted by RoseLikeAnyOther View Post
No it's not. Especially considering the bolded part.
If someone feels it's a compromise to be with someone...than its not going to work.

One either wants to do it or they dont. They don't get to hold it over their partners head at an time.
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