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You reconnected with an ex? I did too (we're married). We hadn't endured hard times together yet, but we did have a good history and fond memories. There were zero games. After a long-term relationship fizzled out, I tracked down his phone number, called him, and asked him if he remembered me. (It had been about three years since we had spoken.) He told me he had loved me for years and asked me to come see him. Good luck!
I think Steve Harvey is talking about his ideal woman in those books. It's step-by-step instructions on how to land HIM. And if he really did make his wife give up scuba diving, I hope she's his ex-wife now.
At this stage of my life, I'm pretty happy with who I am. I don't need to read books about how to be the kind of person who makes someone else happy. I've got a list of self-improvement items for myself, and that's good enough.
It sounds like the desire to rekindle a romance is one-sided. From what you've posted, I'm concerned that you are basically waiting/hoping/praying that eventually he'll come around and want more than friendship. That's a big mistake on your part, in my opinion.
Get out there and date others. Don't get hung up on someone who is emotionally unavailable.
Understood! The counter-argument could, however be: haven't many good relationships been coming out of longstanding friendship?
Still, I hear your advice, and have to seriously consider it. There are, however, reasons why he is emotionally unavailable, and he has been dealing with these issues to some extend already.
This is what I gathered from the initial post as well. He holds all the power and she's willing to wait an undetermined amount of time to get her fantasy. I've played this "game" before, and it is a game. She left really sad and really heart broken. I had a long-standing FWB, close to 7 years on and off. She always hoped that she could have me as her boyfriend, but I would never give her that notion. I knew she always liked me in that manner, but I was just never very interested. I just enjoyed the sex and the conversations we had. When it's just having fun, I don't always care about what comes out of the other person's mouth.
When I went and thought about her being a possible girlfriend for me, there was no way that I could endure a lifetime of her. I don't say that to be mean either, we were just a really bad long-term fit.
Think about this OP with this guy. If he's dragging his feet like this, who's to say he won't continue. He's not willing to take some type of risk, and you're pretty much accepting whatever he throws at you for time. Think long and hard about this next question. Put yourself in his shoes, if you were the woman figuring yourself out, would you respect a guy that was basically your "yes man"?
Thanks for sharing this! It's good to hear stuff from the "other side". In our case, it's strictly platonic. Were you telling this lady upfront that FWB is all there would ever be with her? Did you go on dates?
I do need to take the power back, I realize that. My best bet will be to let him come to me, as hard as it is for me to restrain myself. After the breakup, I built my own life, and I am now strongly encouraged to continue leading it. I'm usually no doormat, not with other men. There is something about him, though, that defies my common sense, and strong will.
I still don't feel like dating, though. Has really to do with him. It's a function of my back country locale, which I am working on changing within the year. Also a function of working on myself. I'm beginning to enjoy being alone, as it allows me to rediscover and reinvent myself, and I'm loving what I find thus far.
Think like a man = you mean I have to stand staring at cluttered cupboards for the rest of my life?
Male Refrigerator Blindness is a serious, debilitating condition. Pretty sure Sarah McLachlan sang a commercial about it. Raising awareness is the first step to a cure.
Don't know about the others, but I've been married for five years and with my wife a total of ten. Are we perfect? No, but I think you should excel at something before you tell others how to do it right. It's leading by example. Now, how is that wrong?
You represent the segment that matches your experience. And I will state respectfully...we don't know your full experience. You might be in a relationship where you do "whatever you want to do" and your wife overlooks it because she doesn't want to give you up. There's no way we can conclude from your statement that you have been in a relationship that has always been successful and effective for ten years. Some people stay in toxic marriages for multiple decades, so your statement doesn't really prove anything. You don't like Steve Harvey, or perhaps you simply don't like his views. That's your right. But he doesn't have to come from a perfect marriage in order to help women.
I wouldn't say that about a guy who was an "ex-bad-boy" who decided mentor men in ethical and honorable behavior towards the opposite sex. The need for that particular kind of assistance to men is at an all time high. And yet...I don't hear very many express an interest in it, I suppose because they think they are "okay" Outcomes would suggest otherwise for many of them, though.
Last edited by laorbust61; 06-12-2015 at 02:07 PM..
You represent the segment that matches your experience. And I will state respectfully...we don't know your full experience. You might be in a relationship where you do "whatever you want to do" and your wife overlooks it because she doesn't want to give you up. There's no way we can conclude from your statement that you have been in a relationship that has always been successful and effective for ten years. Some people stay in toxic marriages for multiple decades, so you statement doesn't really prove anything.
I mean this respectfully as well ... like I stated before, are we perfect? NO! I am perfect? NO! Is she perfect? NO. No marriage or relationship is, so there's absolutely nothing for you to "conclude" other than what I have told you. The point is a person needs to demonstrate what they teach. How in the world does a person with a track record of multiple marriages demonstrate an example for others to follow? You NEED to live it before you teach it. Sorry, I'd much rather take my advice from an older married couple with 20+ years than a three time married person who claims to be a "relationship expert" but doesn't have the track record. And once again I ask you, how is that wrong?
I mean this respectfully as well ... like I stated before, are we perfect? NO! I am perfect? NO! Is she perfect? NO. No marriage or relationship is, so there's absolutely nothing for you to "conclude" other than what I have told you. The point is a person needs to demonstrate what they teach. How in the world does a person with a track record of multiple marriages demonstrate an example for others to follow? You NEED to live it before you teach it. Sorry, I'd much rather take my advice from an older married couple with 20+ years than a three time married person who claims to be a "relationship expert" but doesn't have the track record. And once again I ask you, how is that wrong?
The book, "Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man" is a book regarding help for women who are seeking to attract a quality man who will respect them and commit to them. The book doesn't deal with marriage. The book doesn't deal with how to have a successful marriage. It is a dating/relationship how-to book.
The book, "Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man" is a book regarding help for women who are seeking to attract a quality man who will respect them and commit to them. The book doesn't deal with marriage. The book doesn't deal with how to have a successful marriage. It is a dating/relationship how-to book.
I'm very well aquainted with Steve Harvey; his book, movie, show and gameshow. I think he's funny and I'm not trying to "hate" on him if that's the vibe I'm putting out there. I also love what he does for the AA community (especially young AA boys), he seems like a good guy.
But, I've also watched his program enough to know that he deals with both dating AND marriages all the time on his show and book. He DOESNT just talk about the dating aspect of relationships, but often addresses those who are having issues in their marriages (much like dr. Phil). Now we can agree to disagree here but I wouldn't, for example, take a math tutorial from someone who failed their math classes or take a writing lab from someone who made D's and F's on their lit papers. That's all I'm saying, his advice MIGHT be great, but wouldn't you rather get it from someone who demo'd it through decades of practice?
Last edited by TenorSax83; 06-12-2015 at 02:10 PM..
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