Stay at Home wife relationships with no kids, why are people so judgemental (dates, boyfriend)

[Mikala43]

Originally Posted by natiam

Totally agree! Even if I did have the luxury to stay home and spend as I please, I would feel uncomfortable of the constant reminders that it's not my money I'm spending. And this is a new marriage too! Pretty dumb of the husband to even post things like that on facebook for family/friends to see.

As someone who has always had her own income, I admit I have problems spending any money that cannot be enjoyed by the family.

This is my personal problem, as husband has no problem with that.

If he were passive / aggressive enough to be talking about that behind my back and publicly .... I would rethink my choice of life partner.

[CorporateCowboy]

I think if they are happy - and it works for them, then that is all that matters. Who cares what anyone else thinks? Although I'm single, a few of my partners are in similar situations (their wives are not employed outside of the home), and I've never given it a second thought.

[erjunkee]

Originally Posted by Mikala43

Everyone is different. We are nearing retirement, and with one us staying home it does a LOT towards stabilizing our relationship. My husband just asked how your degree works towards the stability of your relationship? He didn't see logic in that statement when you turn it around.

After working for over 30 years the stay at home is fun for me. I wouldn't have been suited to it when I was younger. I get lots of mental stimulation still with serving on the board, tons of social get togethers, etc.

My career that I obtained via my degree is part of what fulfills my life. It is a significant part of who I am by the very nature of what I do for a living. If I am unhappy and miserable sitting at home because I'm staying home all day on an almost daily basis organizing, shelving, paying bills, or whatever, , then it will inevitably add a significant amount of unnecessary stress on the relationship. This is how it makes sense.

But as I said before in my last post, to each his own.

[cam1957]

Originally Posted by M3Guy

A stay at home mother gets respect. Not a stay at home wife. I bet if she asked him if he wanted her to get a job, he would not oppose it. Think about if the shoe was on the other foot. If it was a stay at home husband that bought groceries and planned vacations, he would be considered a deadbeat ......... People should really think about things before they say anything. Start thinking logically

Really? I didn't when I was one. The working mother's looked down their noses at me and that was 25 years ago. But they were also the ones that pushed their kids off on me after work and weekends. hmmm I didn't care though because I knew where my kid was and my house was the house the kids came to.

[SummerFall]

Originally Posted by JonathanLB

People are really weird like this and the comments that she's not pulling her weight or whatever are silly.

I've been financially supporting my girlfriend since almost the time we started dating, since just after she was 18 and I cover all expenses and pay for her school. I don't mind, I have the money.

I wouldn't want her getting a 9 to 5 job and I've strongly spoken against it, even though I want her to do whatever it is she wants, I told her there are going to be issues with our relationship just being realistic if she DOES work a job like that. For one, we won't be sleeping together because I don't go to bed at 10 pm, I go to bed at 2-3 in the morning and wake up around 10-11 and sometimes that's even shifted like 4 to noon. I'm not adjusting my entire sleep schedule for someone else to earn money I don't need or care about. Second, why would I want my girlfriend or wife to work when it means having to take vacations on her schedule?! Screw that! I am going on vacation whenever I feel like it. I own my company, I'm the boss, I get to decide how to spend all of my time. I don't want someone else making much much less money dictating how and when we do things for no reason.

This guy is clearly in a similar boat. No matter what she makes, it will make ZERO difference to his lifestyle. It's much better to have the girl not work and just pursue her personal interests, charity work, volunteering, and being free to travel and help around the house. Otherwise what happens, she makes $50,000/year maybe and he's making $500,000 and he has to arrange his travel plans for a pathetic 10% of his income extra?! For pocket change. That's all that is. Nothing.

We don't want kids either so no, I can't see why it's anyone else's business what they do and they'll likely be far happier than couples popping out babies on tiny sad little incomes where both have to work. That's not their place to judge just because they're jealous.

Wow...if THAT isn't a controlling relationship I don't know what is.....that is the underlying current here. CONTROL!

[rosebyanothername]

Originally Posted by MichaelOrear

Hello,

My Brother is a extremely successfull professional (mid six figures) who is currently married to a wife who does not work in a standard job. Rather than being employed, she assists around the house and persues her own interests ranging from education, travel, investing, leadership in community interests, and improving her artistic ability. She being well rounded prefers this type of freedom to working 9 to 5, and he being very career driven enjoys working and feels PROUD to provide the means for her to have this type of life.

However, so many of my relatives as well as people in their social circle criticize the arrangement stating the following cliches:

1. He is a sucker

2. If she is not taking care of kids and not working, she is a parasite.

Yet, it seems to work very well for both of them.

Just wondering, why are so many people so judgemental of these type of marriages and have you ever seen a marriage where the husband was the provider, the wife persued her own personal development and interests, but no kids were involved work out great?

Thanks

As a former hard-working homemaker myself, I too heard my share of comments from "well-meaning" jerks. I was a lot sweeter and kinder (and bigger pushover) than I am becoming as I get older.

Those comments relatives and others made (above) are downright cruel. It really does not matter what other people's opinions are of them. They are being nosy as well as rude. Here is a reply (somewhat crude...) that would be funny to say a family member and downright hilarious to someone in their "social circle" and it is......
"If I want to listen to an a**hole, I'd fart." (Make sure to tell them to say it with a big smile

[cam1957]

Originally Posted by rosebyanothername

As a former hard-working homemaker myself, I too heard my share of comments from "well-meaning" jerks. I was a lot sweeter and kinder (and bigger pushover) than I am becoming as I get older.

Those comments relatives and others made (above) are downright cruel. It really does not matter what other people's opinions are of them. They are being nosy as well as rude. Here is a reply (somewhat crude...) that would be funny to say a family member and downright hilarious to someone in their "social circle" and it is......
"If I want to listen to an a**hole, I'd fart." (Make sure to tell them to say it with a big smile

OMG... the look on their faces would be priceless!

[lucky2balive]

Originally Posted by cam1957

Really? I didn't when I was one. The working mother's looked down their noses at me and that was 25 years ago. But they were also the ones that pushed their kids off on me after work and weekends. hmmm I didn't care though because I knew where my kid was and my house was the house the kids came to.

I think its jealousy
lets face it, ONE income families are becoming fewer and far between
mom and dad working, babysitter or daycare, is becoming the norm
most women would LOVE to stay home and raise the kids, tend house
most men would love to be able to provide enough so that the mom can stay home

most of our friends had dual incomes, daycare...a few didn't and scraped and clawed and lived hand to mouth until the kids were old enough so that they could go back to work

I don't know any couple where there is a stay at home wife LOL...with no kids or older kids who don't need baby sitting...I don't know any middle class man with ballz who would put up with that...as said its hard for middle class households to function on ONE income...just a sign of our "tons of over priced china made replacable junk" times

even upper class to wealthy...if she isn't working she is a trophy wife or runs the household...she has to contribute something...something

[cam1957]

Originally Posted by lucky2balive

I think its jealousy
lets face it, ONE income families are becoming fewer and far between
mom and dad working, babysitter or daycare, is becoming the norm
most women would LOVE to stay home and raise the kids, tend house
most men would love to be able to provide enough so that the mom can stay home

most of our friends had dual incomes, daycare...a few didn't and scraped and clawed and lived hand to mouth until the kids were old enough so that they could go back to work

I don't know any couple where there is a stay at home wife LOL...with no kids or older kids who don't need baby sitting...I don't know any middle class man with ballz who would put up with that...as said its hard for middle class households to function on ONE income...just a sign of our "tons of over priced china made replacable junk" times

even upper class to wealthy...if she isn't working she is a trophy wife or runs the household...she has to contribute something...something

Thank you. I was one of the ones that did scrimp because I thought me being there for them was more important than material things. I did have to go to work when things got bad, but I always worked around my husband's schedule when possible.

Sometimes it doesn't matter what you do in life. My oldest son blames me because he thinks we were "poor" because he didn't have all the material things his friends had.

There will always be a judge and jury to criticize anything they can about our lives. Jealousy? Maybe or maybe it's just a need of nosy people to get their opinion in on how people should be like them....

I don't know or have ever known a couple well off enough to do that, but it's really not for me to judge.

[lucky2balive]

Originally Posted by cam1957

Thank you. I was one of the ones that did scrimp because I thought me being there for them was more important than material things. I did have to go to work when things got bad, but I always worked around my husband's schedule when possible.

Sometimes it doesn't matter what you do in life. My oldest son blames me because he thinks we were "poor" because he didn't have all the material things his friends had.

There will always be a judge and jury to criticize anything they can about our lives. Jealousy? Maybe or maybe it's just a need of nosy people to get their opinion in on how people should be like them....

I don't know or have ever known a couple well off enough to do that, but it's really not for me to judge.

if you ask me...staying home with kid(s) and tending house is 10X harder (and more rewarding) than the rat race climbing the corporate ladder career mess...MUCH harder...