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If she moves with the kids, he can make her bring them back, fight her for custody... and she would have to come back to that state, and fight custody unless he signs an agreement.
Now... as much as I am against what my wasband did to me... I would not ever string him along by moving to another state... away from HIS family and then up and separate from him. It needs to be done now if she is to do it... or she needs to look foward to the rest of her life having taken the low road.
She wants them to have a relationship with the father. He has already agreed to the move meaning all of them together. He does not yet know she wants a divorice. He thinks he can be a complete ignorant jerk and a lousy once in a while father and still stay married.
She most likely will just stay married move with the husband and then tell him to get lost once they have already moved to new state. I think that is the safest bet. At that point it is up to him to stay in the childrens life or head back to the state they started .
So, it's ok for her to uproot her family under false pretenses and manipulate the situation? She'll have family at the new place to support her, but I assume the husband won't? Something sounds very wrong with this situation and if I was a judge in the new state, I'd consider this when I was making some rulings one day. JMO
I went through a divorce many, many years ago with two tiny children. I could have moved away where I would have had tremendous family support. However, I recognized that their father was here. That was more important for them than me have the emotional and physical support I needed. Again, JMO.
So, it's ok for her to uproot her family under false pretenses and manipulate the situation? She'll have family at the new place to support her, but I assume the husband won't? Something sounds very wrong with this situation and if I was a judge in the new state, I'd consider this when I was making some rulings one day. JMO
I went through a divorce many, many years ago with two tiny children. I could have moved away where I would have had tremendous family support. However, I recognized that their father was here. That was more important for them than me have the emotional and physical support I needed. Again, JMO.
Yes, I do think it is ok. Since their move was already planned and the kids are excited about the new state. I also think that since she will be the one caring for the children like she already is her choice of where to live should count more than where he would like to live. Since she will be the one providing a home and paying for most if not all of thier financial needs.
The husband can live in the area if he chooses. He is not involved in any of the day to day duties in caring for them now and is barely supporting them. They are about to sink financially Big Time because of his poor decisions.
Well, she should NOT take them anywhere at this point. I got divorced 2 years ago (we have 2 children together) and at least in this state it is absolutely specified that neither parent is to take the children out of state (without written permission from the other parent)during divorce proceedings. I understand your friend wanting to be around family, however it she leaves with them and her soon to be ex husband at any point decides he wants to fight her on custody issues- It will be used against her in court. She should comply with all court orders right now and it will work in her favor later.
And more bad news (once again in some states these are the regulations)Even after a divorce is final the custodial parent (your friend) can't just up and move with children. As long as their father is granted visitation rights ( he most likely will- unless the situation is AWFUL and she can prove this) she will have to make it possible for him to have reasonable acess to the children.
I have checked into this very recently, as I was offered a job transfer for 10k more a year, but since my children's father still has court ordered visitation rights and pays child support I only had these 3 options per the state and my attorney 1.)get him to agree to visitation schedule changes (in a legally binding written document) And i would have to reimburse him for all travel costs (gas,airline tickets) that were associated with him traveling to pick up kids or sending kids to see him since I was the party that made the decision to move.2.) go back to court prove that my moving the kids away would vastly improve their quality of life enough for the state to reassign visitation rights. THIS MAY BE A VERY DOABLE OPTION FOR YOUR FRIEND- as it would not be hard to prove to a court that being a single mom with no family around would take a toll on both her and the children.3.In cases where the father of the children either refuses his visitation (as in just disappears) or fails to use it for so many months in a row the court may grant you permission to move on the basis of abandoment. HOPE THIS HELPS. Unfortanatley this is one topic I am all to familiar with-but on the upside, at least my children get to have a relationship with their dad, even if we chose not to have one. I chose to stay here since the travel/ court cosst I would have had to pay would be more than my raise.
I agree with the OP.
I have been in a custody dispute ever since the divorce proceedings took place, and it spanned well over 13 years now.
At one point, my ex "ACCUSED" me of wanting to "flee" the state/ country (which was NOT true, btw ), came to my house, threw a temp. emergency court order in my face, and took our child with him (at that point, I lost ALL and EVERY parental right to my child!), just to have it worked out at a scheduled court hearing.
At that hearing, I got my custody back, had to surrender my passport, and was NOT ALLOWED OUTSIDE COUNTY LINES! (The ruling was later overturned)
I just went on, and lived with that decision for several years after that, not challenging them (constant lawyer fees are insane!)
So, years passed, and I met my now husband. We decided, that our lives would be better, if we moved to FL. So, to the lawyer I went...again...... to find out, what needs to be done. (My son was 14 at that time, and having a VERY strained relationship with his "father", which sped things up tremendously, and worked very well in our favor)
We had 2 court hearings, where they examined the reasons of WHY we wanted to move out of the state (if there were vindictive intentions on my part), if live WOULD be better for the child, and a new visitation schedule would be worked out (me paying for the travel expenses, since I was the one moving).
At that hearing, a Guardian Ad Litem was also appointed for my son (expense paid by me and my ex) to evaluate and interview my son, and the impact the move it would have on him, giving his recommendations to the court.
Long story short, 1 day after the court decision, we were on our way, heading down to FL.
My son hated his father, and his visits and time spend with his father were far and few in between. And, if a visit happened, it ended up in tears, fights and chaos.
Warning: If there is NOTHING in place in the form of some sort of written agreement form the father giving his permission, or court papers stating so....your friend will be hauled back to the state it all began, lose immediately ALL her custodial rights to the child/ children, and will be charged with interference of custody/ visitation, fleeing the state, abduction, false pretences....etc.....which carries JAIL TIME!
Some states are harsher then others.....and some states (I have heard) don't grand relocation only under very rare circumstances!
To check with a lawyer BEFORE anything is happening, is vital, important and VERY ESSECIAL!
Consultations are usually free...but can save her neck in the long run!
No doubt....he, as the father has rights, and he can make it nasty and brutal for her, if he wants it to be.
It sounds like a lot of informed people on here. So as to being hauled back to the state it all began, what if you moved for a job, and then filed for divorce later in the new state?
I have basically a similar situation. No divorce, but possible separation leading to that sometime in future. All my family is in another state. My daughter is an only child, and my sisters have kids her age who she loves to hang out with. I really think both her and I would be very happy by my family, but husband doesn't like the state. I've lived where he wants for 10 years now. I want to go home with my daughter eventually. Any advice?
It sounds like a lot of informed people on here. So as to being hauled back to the state it all began, what if you moved for a job, and then filed for divorce later in the new state?
I have basically a similar situation. No divorce, but possible separation leading to that sometime in future. All my family is in another state. My daughter is an only child, and my sisters have kids her age who she loves to hang out with. I really think both her and I would be very happy by my family, but husband doesn't like the state. I've lived where he wants for 10 years now. I want to go home with my daughter eventually. Any advice?
Well, I had a lawyer review my separation agreement which gave me permission to relocate out of state. Then she said that after 6 months, I would be able to claim residency in my new state and ... I don't remember what she said but it was a jawdropper, just something about how it would give me more leverage to get full custody, to renegotiate the agreement, etc. I had done the mediation in good faith, but *trust me* I was pretty mellow and he was brutal, so I didn't mind finding out I had an upper hand I didn't know I had, maybe.
I think it's ok for me to mention this, but I go to a legal website where you can post questions (freeadvice) - but I warn you, they are absolutely brutal there, pretty harsh, but the [legal] advice is good and state-specific.
Location: Jonquil City (aka Smyrna) Georgia- by Atlanta
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Quote:
Originally Posted by goldenmom7500
I just did it with a mediated separation agreement. It could also take the form of a court order. If the husband doesn't care (I haven't read all posts, so I don't know if there is more), maybe she could just try to get verbal permission, but it would be risky.
When you are dealing with legal matters like divorce and custody ALWAYS get it in writing! Never verbally. The best thing you can do is try to negotiate with the husband about it.
It sounds like a lot of informed people on here. So as to being hauled back to the state it all began, what if you moved for a job, and then filed for divorce later in the new state?
I have basically a similar situation. No divorce, but possible separation leading to that sometime in future. All my family is in another state. My daughter is an only child, and my sisters have kids her age who she loves to hang out with. I really think both her and I would be very happy by my family, but husband doesn't like the state. I've lived where he wants for 10 years now. I want to go home with my daughter eventually. Any advice?
Well....it is possible, and you might be able to TRY....to succeed or fail.
The thing is, if you are still married, and moved away...there is the 6 months period, before you can claim new residency. If anything is contested BEFORE the 6 months are over, it will all take place at the ORIGINAL filing. (hence the term being "hauled back")
After an uncontested 6 months period, it would be moved to the new court system at the new residence of the moved away child and parent.
I was lucky, because my ex didn't react within those 6 months...and when he started his crap again, he had to travel, and get a different lawyer (his old one would have charged to much for travel )
The thing is...there's so many "grey" areas of the law, so many "loopholes", every state has different laws and rulings....I highly encourage to consult with a lawyer BEFORE anything happens or takes place.
I was told, twice, that I was "in contempt" of court, over nonsense my ex created, and sure didn't want to go to jail for crap, he created for me.
Childsupport, I found out, remains in the ORIGINAL filed state/ location...no matter where everyone involves moves to.
Example: My husband, his first wife and son lived in Pennsylvania. She moved away with his son...to NC, he remained in PA. Any child support increase/ order/ enforcement/ deduction etc. was still done by the PA office.
My husband and I moved then to FL (so, NOW we are ALL scattered into different states! LOL)...but, yup, it STILL ALL REMAINED IN PA! (Until it was closed, due to his son coming to live with us)
First legal consultations with a lawyer are usually free, and I would highly encourage using it.
If money, the retainer, is an issue...there is programs people might qualify for (legal aid). One can find out more about it by contacting the Board of Lawyers.
Thanks everyone for their advice. I'm glad this topic was posted.
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), came to my house, threw a temp. emergency court order in my face, and took our child with him (at that point, I lost ALL and EVERY parental right to my child!), just to have it worked out at a scheduled court hearing. 
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