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In some cultures. In other cultures, focusing on one's studies, passing one's exams, embarking on a good career (medicine, engineering, scientific research, government administration,...) and establishing oneself financially are the "normal part of adolescent development", at least for men. Accomplish all of that, and the village will fall all over itself to secure you a wife. Full stop.
There was an amazing divide in the fortunes of my stablemates in graduate school. The native-born American fresh PhDs (and there weren't many, this being predominantly an engineering school) found themselves adrift. The fellows from Pakistan, Malaysia, Iran, Saudi Arabia and the like all suddenly disappeared for a couple of weeks, returning each with a wife. The Europeans were somewhere in between.
Sooo... OP should go back to his country of origin and get his family to "secure him a wife"???
"That's the weather on Mars, now back to the news."
My interpretation is that he has been attracting the women that he wants, but that he does not enjoy the courting process and does not think the means justify the ends.
And my opinion is that if he was really attracting the women that he wanted, the ends would completely justify the means.
And my opinion is that if he was really attracting the women that he wanted, the ends would completely justify the means.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life
Correct. Only when you aren't getting what you really, really want do you usually, rightly or wrongly, begin questioning "the process."
You are assuming that OP is actually meeting women that are worth it.
For me, personally, I have not met an available woman in some time that was worth putting effort into. It doesn't mean that I can't attract women. It simply means that I've been unlucky.
And my opinion is that if he was really attracting the women that he wanted, the ends would completely justify the means.
Prospero had a point, when he lamented too easy of a courtship, as the ease detracts from the achievement-value. "They are both in either’s powers, but this swift business I must uneasy make, lest too light winning make the prize light."
And this is a not unreasonable argument against arranged marriages. However, "ends completely justifying means"? Whose means, and whose ends? I hate to be first one here to stumble into Godwin's law, but "the ends completely justifying the means" just reminds me too much of the Nuremberg trials.
You are assuming that OP is actually meeting women that are worth it.
For me, personally, I have not met an available woman in some time that was worth putting effort into. It doesn't mean that I can't attract women. It simply means that I've been unlucky.
If he's not meeting women that are worth it, then he's not attracting the women that he wants to attract.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ohio_peasant
Prospero had a point, when he lamented too easy of a courtship, as the ease detracts from the achievement-value. "They are both in either’s powers, but this swift business I must uneasy make, lest too light winning make the prize light."
And this is a not unreasonable argument against arranged marriages. However, "ends completely justifying means"? Whose means, and whose ends? I hate to be first one here to stumble into Godwin's law, but "the ends completely justifying the means" just reminds me too much of the Nuremberg trials.
You are assuming that OP is actually meeting women that are worth it.
For me, personally, I have not met an available woman in some time that was worth putting effort into. It doesn't mean that I can't attract women. It simply means that I've been unlucky.
You're assuming the OP shares your seemingly healthy view of the dating process.
I disagree. I think we often attract what we put out there.
We can attract at most those whose company we share. Not everyone who sees us would be attracted to us, but if we rely on online dating or cold-approach or shared clubs/classes/workplace/etc. for our dating-pool, well, the results will be limited to said pool.
This is in stark contrast to outsourcing the task of dating - or at least its initial steps. That, in essence, is the postulate of what might be called the "non-Western" approach.
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