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I've only known one couple who have this arrangement (my in-laws), and it only continues because my father-in-law just doesn't have it in him to fight to get her to do anything anymore. He's retired but had to go back to work full-time, does the food shopping, maintains the house, does almost all of the cleaning, and brings home take-out because she stopped cooking years ago.
I do probably 85% of the housework, but I'm home the most right now so it makes sense. He cooks on the weekends and pitches in with the laundry now and then, but he also spends a lot of time with the kids after work, which is more important than housework IMO. But, when the balance shifts and I'm either at school a lot or interning during tax season, I've never had to nag him to pick up the slack; it just needs to be done, and who gives a **** if it's equally divided?
How many husbands out there that take on the responsibilities of house duties, like cleaning dishes, cleaning bathrooms, vacuuming, dusting, mopping as well as yard work, as well as child duties like diapers, baths, night time feedings etc.? Some of the chore duties I did while I was single and continued them after marriage, there were some duties my wife won't do at all like cleaning bathrooms. Even when the responsibilities are stacked against me and I'm behind on getting them accomplished, you think a wife would jump in and lend a hand. Nope, she has in my opinion become spoiled and maybe gets to enjoy more free time than myself. She gets to go for a walk and enjoy the outdoors or gets to go workout, she gets her ME time while mine is always put on the back burner. The responsibilities she does do seem too much for her at times and she stresses out, like laundry, which will sit there for a week or a kitchen that needs mopped. If I say to her, let me do them, then I'm afraid I'll be taken more advantage of then her duties will become my duties and I believe I'm doing way more than the average husband already does.
I know some of the women I work with or know other women who were married or are married to a man who doesn't do anything around the house, maybe yard work but that is it, most duties fall on the wife while their husbands get to enjoy their ME time. I hear about the complaints from these women daily while at work, they've never had a man actually do anything for them nor help out. Which leads me to believe my wife is spoiled and I'm curious to know if other husbands like myself are in a similar situation. My other two brothers are also married and have spoiled wives.
Does your wife work? If so, is her job more demanding than yours?
If so, it doesn't seem unreasonable that you'd pick up most of the household chores.
If she's a SAHM, are you simply giving her a break once you're home (which equals you doing the chores) and you've managed to turn this into "my wife is spoiled?"
If you and your brothers all have similar situations, is this just how you were raised?
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Not married, but in an LTR where we live together, I (guy) tend to end up doing most of the household chores. I get home earlier than her. So it has made sense for me to do the shopping and cooking, and in a lot of cases the cleaning and 100% of the yardwork.
It's been a source of contention lately because the division of labor is really stacked against me. Glad to see i'm not alone.
This is one of the reasons why you live together before you get married... right?
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Nope, she has in my opinion become spoiled and maybe gets to enjoy more free time than myself. She gets to go for a walk and enjoy the outdoors or gets to go workout, she gets her ME time while mine is always put on the back burner. The responsibilities she does do seem too much for her at times and she stresses out, like laundry, which will sit there for a week or a kitchen that needs mopped. If I say to her, let me do them, then I'm afraid I'll be taken more advantage of then her duties will become my duties and I believe I'm doing way more than the average husband already does.
That's one thing I flat out will not do, is her laundry. So it piles up. And my favorite. When she does do the laundry, it will stay in the drier for a day or 2, getting all nice and wrinkled.
I don't much care for the word, "spoiled" when discussing one's spouse. It's kind of condescending. If she isn't doing her share and you consider her something of a child (don't respect her as an adult) I feel like both of you have a problem.
But to the heart of the matter, every person in a home except for small children (babies, toddlers) should do their share and pull their weight. Agreements and compromises must sometimes be made so that no one is carrying an unfair amount of responsibility. I work full time, and go to college full time, and the only housework I do is folding & putting away laundry, and cleaning the cat litter box, and I also keep up the finances. My sons take turns doing dishes or an alternate but equivalent chore or chores. They mostly keep up with the trash, swapping laundry, dishes, cleaning their room & their bathrooms, and any other tasks my former husband sets them. Ex-hubs does vacuuming, sweeping/mopping, and a lot of other miscellaneous cleaning, and maintains the hot tub. Our friend who lives with us does all of the yardwork. We share the work because we share the home. Yesterday, my youngest son threw a fit over the dishes and argued and talked back to his Dad, and acted like a little jerk. So he got to sleep in a tent in the backyard with no video games or computer or TV or anything last night. The point was made that he had to do his housework to earn his right to spend time in the house. Of course it's a much easier point to make during the summertime...but I think it may have gotten through to him.
OP, you and your wife need to discuss fair distribution of work. It's essential for people to share living space, regardless of the relationship. She is not a child, nor is she spoiled...but she's probably taking advantage of you, and you might just be letting her.
How many husbands out there that take on the responsibilities of house duties, like cleaning dishes, cleaning bathrooms, vacuuming, dusting, mopping as well as yard work, as well as child duties like diapers, baths, night time feedings etc.? Some of the chore duties I did while I was single and continued them after marriage, there were some duties my wife won't do at all like cleaning bathrooms. Even when the responsibilities are stacked against me and I'm behind on getting them accomplished, you think a wife would jump in and lend a hand. Nope, she has in my opinion become spoiled and maybe gets to enjoy more free time than myself. She gets to go for a walk and enjoy the outdoors or gets to go workout, she gets her ME time while mine is always put on the back burner. The responsibilities she does do seem too much for her at times and she stresses out, like laundry, which will sit there for a week or a kitchen that needs mopped. If I say to her, let me do them, then I'm afraid I'll be taken more advantage of then her duties will become my duties and I believe I'm doing way more than the average husband already does.
I know some of the women I work with or know other women who were married or are married to a man who doesn't do anything around the house, maybe yard work but that is it, most duties fall on the wife while their husbands get to enjoy their ME time. I hear about the complaints from these women daily while at work, they've never had a man actually do anything for them nor help out. Which leads me to believe my wife is spoiled and I'm curious to know if other husbands like myself are in a similar situation. My other two brothers are also married and have spoiled wives.
You both clearly have different expectations. As was mentioned earlier you should definitely talk to her. I would be curious as to what she experienced growing up versus what you experienced. Some times those things we see our parents do shape our expectation of our spouses. You will likely have to find a middle ground. There is no set formula for who should do what. You do whatever works best for your relationship. If you feel like she should do more then your feelings are valid and she should respect them. Hopefully she at least makes an effort to compromise.
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