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At a point in my life where I am considering making drastic changes to myself and my lifestyle. Curious to hear if anyone else here has tried and succeeded (or failed) at it? After discussing my situation with numerous people I know, I have concluded the reason I attract MUCH younger women rather than women more my age is because of my hobbies, interests and the way I dress/act.
So.....while I have a hard time with dressing like an older man, I can pull it off with the help of my daughter. That one seems easy, but it will be hard to look in a mirror for a while. Giving up the ATV's, Boat, Motorcycle and Snowmobiles on the other hand will be hard. Real hard. Selling the cool vehicle is more than I can bear, so I will buy something more tame for everyday use and keep the other one hid for special occasions.
Becoming (one of them) so to speak, a "Normal" guy in his mid-fifties may be more than I can take. I have always been an outdoorsy, fun loving kinda guy and turning into a guy who acts 55 may be more than I can handle. Especially if it doesn't help in the romance dept.
Has anyone ever sucessfully done a 180 and given up all the things they did and enjoyed to find or keep a relationship, and if so, how did you make out?
Do this for me, please. Log onto Our Time (yes, the dating website) and just have at look at the diversity present in the age 55 sector...the men and the women..some are sporty, some are conservative, some dress very formally, some are outdoors people and dress accordingly. It's all "normal" Individualism is "normal" in this society. I push this concept to the limit in my life.
The purpose of the exercise is to point out this simple truth to you: It is not necessary to dress the way people "expect" you to dress at age 55. Why not reinvent your worldview, your perspective and leave your personal style the way it is. I think that will make you way more attractive to a woman your age of a like mind. They are out there. Why can't you be fun-loving, over 50 and progressive, all at once. Would you rather date a 55-year-old woman who thinks your style is acceptable, just as it is, because her style is similar to yours?
Your issue isn't that younger women like you, the issue you have is out of your control. The older women have probably been married to, and divorced from, a guy who spent more time in his hobbies than in her.
This is a good point. And couples don't have to do everything together, as others have pointed out. Women the OP's age may be into boating, but not into motorcycles or ATV's. So someone he's interested in might be happy to join him boating, but would pursue her own interests while he does some of his other hobbies, and that's ok.
We really need to hear back from the OP, to get a better picture of what the problem is. Do women his age summarily reject him, and if so, why? Without getting to know him first, on what grounds would they reject him? His clothes? What about his clothes, how is he dressing? And does he even bother to approach women his age, or is he more passive, letting women come to him, then complaining that they're the wrong age? What kind of effort is he making to meet women his age?
We can't help on the basis of the very little info he's given us.
This is a good point. And couples don't have to do everything together, as others have pointed out. Women the OP's age may be into boating, but not into motorcycles or ATV's. So someone he's interested in might be happy to join him boating, but would pursue her own interests while he does some of his other hobbies, and that's ok.
We really need to hear back from the OP, to get a better picture of what the problem is. Do women his age summarily reject him, and if so, why? Without getting to know him first, on what grounds would they reject him? His clothes? What about his clothes, how is he dressing? And does he even bother to approach women his age, or is he more passive, letting women come to him, then complaining that they're the wrong age? What kind of effort is he making to meet women his age?
We can't help on the basis of the very little info he's given us.
The other factor is just the overall feeling of being vulnerable and failing. Not every man or woman is as carefree and happy as the OP. At 55, some people are done dating or you have the men not fit still trying to get women their daughters age. If you have younger women attracted to you, then there's nothing wrong with that. It probably wouldn't hurt to find a younger woman who you can connect with physically and emotionally, and you both want the same things out of life.
There's no need to shake that this is what you attract. It's not like you're just sleeping with them and not talking to them. You clearly have found that they find you attractive, you're just looking for the woman who can give you what you want.
I think you can find it with older women, it's just going to be harder and you may need the help of a dating site or service. You aren't a rare breed by any means, but many men are doing what you're doing with their wife, kids, and grandkids. They're out of the dating scene and have been so for over 30 years.
The other factor is just the overall feeling of being vulnerable and failing. Not every man or woman is as carefree and happy as the OP. At 55, some people are done dating or you have the men not fit still trying to get women their daughters age. If you have younger women attracted to you, then there's nothing wrong with that. It probably wouldn't hurt to find a younger woman who you can connect with physically and emotionally, and you both want the same things out of life.
There's no need to shake that this is what you attract. It's not like you're just sleeping with them and not talking to them. You clearly have found that they find you attractive, you're just looking for the woman who can give you what you want.
I think you can find it with older women, it's just going to be harder and you may need the help of a dating site or service. You aren't a rare breed by any means, but many men are doing what you're doing with their wife, kids, and grandkids. They're out of the dating scene and have been so for over 30 years.
The OP has said that he prefers someone at his stage in life, more or less. He seems to feel like women in their 30's (or whatever) aren't mature enough, or he doesn't have enough in common with them outside of the hobby preferences. That may not rule out finding a good fit in that age group, though. I'd still like to get a better picture of why it's not working out for him with women closer to his age.
Thanks for all the advice. I was having a moment I guess....we all have them. I just get so sick and tired of all the snarky comments from my male and female friends about the 20 somethings being attracted to me. I just told a boating buddy I was going to the lake this weekend and he asked how many 20 year olds I was taking with me. Women my age or close actually have told me "you need a younger woman cause women our age aren't into that stuff you do" or "you need to grow up and maybe I would date you". I have even been accused of being a "player" which believe me, I am not. My ex wife was younger (mid 30's) and I have dated much younger since the divorce, with exception of my live-in Mrs. Bipolar Control Freak who was mid forties.
As many said, I was thinking what I would do if the toys went and I would be miserable. So.... I will change nothing and just see where life takes me. Thing that gets me, I know some nice mid thirties and mid forties gals who are single and they tell me I am too old. But...the mid twenties to early thirties don't think so, even when I try to disccourage them. Age is just a number. I have heard that from the young ones more than once. I need to find someone 35+ that feels that way.
Ut oh....you didn't make the mistake of actually trying to DATE a couple of those sweet young thangs did you?
If you did, no wonder your friends give you a hard time.
Apologies for perhaps quoting out of context, but the above is really the core problem. As people age, and become more "stable" or more accomplished or otherwise have potentially more to offer, the market receptive to their offerings narrows. We hear much about the gender-balance shifting later in life, with larger numbers of single women relative to single men. This may be true, but it states nothing about single women who are single-and-looking, vs. contentedly single and therefore not looking.
The "reinvention" most incumbent upon the OP is not in his preferences or behavior, but where he is looking. He, like so many of us, is struggling in immersing himself in the right market.
Thanks for all the advice. I was having a moment I guess....we all have them. I just get so sick and tired of all the snarky comments from my male and female friends about the 20 somethings being attracted to me. I just told a boating buddy I was going to the lake this weekend and he asked how many 20 year olds I was taking with me. Women my age or close actually have told me "you need a younger woman cause women our age aren't into that stuff you do" or "you need to grow up and maybe I would date you". I have even been accused of being a "player" which believe me, I am not. My ex wife was younger (mid 30's) and I have dated much younger since the divorce, with exception of my live-in Mrs. Bipolar Control Freak who was mid forties.
As many said, I was thinking what I would do if the toys went and I would be miserable. So.... I will change nothing and just see where life takes me. Thing that gets me, I know some nice mid thirties and mid forties gals who are single and they tell me I am too old. But...the mid twenties to early thirties don't think so, even when I try to disccourage them. Age is just a number. I have heard that from the young ones more than once. I need to find someone 35+ that feels that way.
OP, you just haven't found the right woman. They don't ALL think your pastimes are "immature". (Though the ATV thing--maybe ). Women of all ages like boating, and snowmobiling sounds cool. You're just not meeting those women. So figure out how to target the people you want. Online dating could actually work very well for you, btw. Before you cringe, consider that a) women in your age group far outnumber men on OLD, and they tend not to get much response, so the pickings will be easy for you, and b) the medium is tailor-made for finding a match regarding hobbies. I think it's worth a try for you.
Don't change. I'm 44 and have many young activities. I refuse to give any up.
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). Women of all ages like boating, and snowmobiling sounds cool. You're just not meeting those women. So figure out how to target the people you want. Online dating could actually work very well for you, btw. Before you cringe, consider that a) women in your age group far outnumber men on OLD, and they tend not to get much response, so the pickings will be easy for you, and b) the medium is tailor-made for finding a match regarding hobbies. I think it's worth a try for you.
