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Now that I am in my 30s, I am increasingly happy with myself and able to see value in my personal qualities.
I am more comfortable than ever in my own skin. I like my body and my face and accept whatever inevitable flaws there are. But more importantly, I have not only accepted, but embraced my personality.
However, I know I am acquired taste. I have some great, close friends, but will never be a popular personality. I am okay with that, as I like myself and have those friends who really value me. The more comfortable I am to be unabashedly me, the more I have good friends, but also the more criticism I get from others, as I am more visible socially.
I am quite certain two things make me unattractive (or unavailable), then:
- My beliefs and goals are rather non-mainstream and reduce my dating pool significantly, unless I were to compromise them, which I will not. I like that I am spiritual, altruistic, and driven by my ideals. There are people who are compatible in this area, but they are a small minority. Some outside that limited dating pool may like my personality, but we are not compatible in life.
- My personality is an acquired taste, as noted. While I make some friends, I do not attract romantic partners. With my limited dating pool, the remedy seems to be to change myself to appeal to people in this pool. Yet, it has taken me decades to like myself and be comfortable in my own skin, and so the idea of totally overhauling my personality is not appealing. Years ago, I may have done it if I knew how, but now I actually like myself. Sure, self-growth is important, but I am not talking about that; I mean changing the basic essence of who you are.
What do you do when you like yourself, took time to get to that point emotionally, but see that it is not appealing romantically? Where do you draw the line at making changes to be more attractive, without "selling out"?
For the sake of discussion, let's include the physical also. Where do you draw the line between improvement vs fake?
Gee, I never knew that one's personality could be an "acquired taste". (I am always learning.)
Sounds like you are over thinking. It is good that you feel good about yourself and have self confidence. To over analyze all the different aspects of what you described when either making friends or searching for a date sounds incredibly exhausting to me. In fact, it sounds like you have a set of standards which would make it hard for most people to live up to...maybe even yourself. I am sure I certainly would be one of those people who would not "measure up".
I keep it simple. I either get along well with someone or I don't. For dating..(which I don't do right now, however have had lots of experience in..) I either am attracted to someone or I am not (what they are like on the inside more than the outside). I have certain standards, too.....others need to treat me with respect, be kind, interested in me and what I have to say as I am with them, I don't really care for badmouthing and gossiping about others. Common interests are nice, however having different interests is interesting. Oh, and don't expect me to change myself for you. If you don't like and accept what my beliefs are, move on. You don't like my body type? Oh, well, I'll live. I won't shed too many tears.
I am glad you feel like you took time to get to a certain point emotionally and it sounds like you are content with yourself in many ways. That's great! When you get to the point where you accept yourself completely and what attributes you have to offer and you do not have to make changes at all just to attract people, you really will have "arrived".
What is unappealing about being "spiritual, altruistic..."? Is there really a shortage of men who fit similar attributes or characteristics in this department? Though "spiritual" is a bit vague, so it could mean a variety of things.
And what aspects of your personality do you think makes it an acquired taste? Introversion, specific quirks and idiosyncrasies?
You continue being yourself. Please do not change!
I like your 'acquired taste' comment. I was always referred to as a 'sweet tart.' No, not sweet heart... Sweet TART. Yeah, you can reason why. If you had the candy before you know at first you cringe at the taste but eventually the sweet side comes around and I'm tolerable.
Imagine giving a guy a false identity then later saying, "this is really me." That wouldn't be fair.
I'm glad you are happy with yourself. That's a hard hill to climb over for some.
Nothing you've said about yourself sounds unappealing, in fact I think lots of people are attracted to someone who has personality quirks. Have you had romantic relationships in the past?
Be yourself. Most people AREN'T attractive to most other people--unless you are a very generic person. I am a bit of an odd duck with my interests and values and it's hard for me to find someone. But there are people out there, heck, I just met someone a lot like me this weekend and we are planning a second date (met online). This person was just as flabbergasted as I was to finally meet someone, "like me." It's taken me a long time to find someone like that, but I found someone. Could I have compromised and dated someone else before? Sure. But why? Why not be picky and wait for someone who really is a good match to come along. I think it's worth it.
Gee, I never knew that one's personality could be an "acquired taste". (I am always learning.)
Sounds like you are over thinking. It is good that you feel good about yourself and have self confidence. To over analyze all the different aspects of what you described when either making friends or searching for a date sounds incredibly exhausting to me. In fact, it sounds like you have a set of standards which would make it hard for most people to live up to...maybe even yourself. I am sure I certainly would be one of those people who would not "measure up".
I keep it simple. I either get along well with someone or I don't. For dating..(which I don't do right now, however have had lots of experience in..) I either am attracted to someone or I am not (what they are like on the inside more than the outside). I have certain standards, too.....others need to treat me with respect, be kind, interested in me and what I have to say as I am with them, I don't really care for badmouthing and gossiping about others. Common interests are nice, however having different interests is interesting. Oh, and don't expect me to change myself for you. If you don't like and accept what my beliefs are, move on. You don't like my body type? Oh, well, I'll live. I won't shed too many tears.
I am glad you feel like you took time to get to a certain point emotionally and it sounds like you are content with yourself in many ways. That's great! When you get to the point where you accept yourself completely and what attributes you have to offer and you do not have to make changes at all just to attract people, you really will have "arrived".
What do you do when you like yourself, took time to get to that point emotionally, but see that it is not appealing romantically? Where do you draw the line at making changes to be more attractive, without "selling out"?
For the sake of discussion, let's include the physical also. Where do you draw the line between improvement vs fake?
I will summarize the first six paragraphs as follows... "I am tired of hearing prosic advice about how I should like myself and have confidence"
I dont think the problem is your personality.
I dont put any limits on myself as far as what improvements I can make to myself. I suspect this last paragraph hints at your real question, which you are afraid to ask. If you dont have the courage to come out and ask it on anon internet board, there isnt anything I can do to help you.
I will summarize the first six paragraphs as follows... "I am tired of hearing prosic advice about how I should like myself and have confidence"
I dont think the problem is your personality.
I dont put any limits on myself as far as what improvements I can make to myself. I suspect this last paragraph hints at your real question, which you are afraid to ask. If you dont have the courage to come out and ask it on anon internet board, there isnt anything I can do to help you.
No that is what I'm asking.... Perhaps I just word it differently. Like I said, self-growth is good and I'm open to it.
I'll come back to address other posts, but am working now. Thanks for the feedback.
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