Do you find yourself attracting the same people?

[Faith2187]

Yep. The last three years all I seem to attract are arrogant really attractive black men that for lack of PC term are pretty white-washed and have a history of pattern of exclusively dating white women and not dating black women. They're catches on paper but the more I talk to them the more it seems like they have a little bit of self-hatred going on. For some reason even though they claim to not find many black women attractive they tend to gravitate toward me. And to be completely honest I really don't want to date these types of men anymore. They really seem more comfortable dating white women and seem incredibly insecure with me but because they are attractive and look good on paper I give them a chance anyway. Honestly I would really prefer a black man that Is a little more immersed in various components of black culture specifically someone who grew up around other blacks and feels comfortable enough in his skin, a man that likes all women with no specific liking toward a race opposite of his own, basically a man that has swag. I used to attract these men up until three years ago but now they sort of stay away. Kind of disappointing but I know it's partially because these type of black either don't look as good on paper or they're looking for a more Afrocentric or just a blacker woman than me. Admittingly I act like a white-washed black women and look from what I been told like I'm high maintanence so I think I'm projecting an image that is no longer attractive to the men I'd like.

Oh well.

[PachucodeOro]

I don't attract jack *bleep*

[goodheathen]

Granted, it's partly a function of the environments I gravitate to, but since middle school, almost all of them have been clearly more outgoing than me, intelligent, emotional, and free-spirited. The only one who seemed not to be that type is the only one I know who has since married. I wouldn't say that type is bad for me, but introverted like me probably would be better in practice and free-spirited/emotional clashes with me unless otherwise values are very similar.

[Mikala43]

Do you find yourself attracting the same people?


Yes! What's up with that?! My husband over and over again. It's irritating.

[blondiel]

When I first started to date again, I was attracted to the same type of personality as my ex. I was discussing with my sister and she said that the attraction was because I was comfortable with his type although his type was obviously not good for me. After some thought, she was right. Now I look for the red flags early on so that I don't become involved with the same type of man over and over again. I feel good knowing that I have dodged some bullets.

[Sonic_Spork]

I think I may have finally broken the pattern.

Not that I think that my lover is "the One" or anything (not even looking for that) but for once I'm spending time with someone who isn't a total mess, who is comfortable in his world and in his skin, and we are just really enjoying each other. It feels healthy and beautiful and fun.

I'm trying very consciously to avoid complete head cases who don't have their lives together now...the broken ones looking for me to repair them, the ones who are incomplete without something whether they expect that something to be me or not.

The man I wrote about the last time I visited this thread, I can finally be the friend he needs. I no longer look at him and pine away for what cannot be. That is a very cool thing, too.

All in all, things are far less stressful, with the perpetual exception of my former husband and his problems...but there's nothing I can do to help him, he's got to fix himself.