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But stepping out of my comfort zone makes me feel...uncomfortable. It's a terrible sensation and I really do not like it. So why should I be any different?
All that is, is a sign that you have some issues to resolve relating to intimacy. When your comfort zone is so narrowly-defined that you hold friends at arm's length emotionally, that's not normal. It's indicative of an underlying problem that needs to be addressed. It says you're not able to function like a normal, healthy human being. Walling yourself off from everyone around you, even your friends, isn't a good thing. You'll probably say it's worked fine for you so far, you don't see the problem. But you asked us if you were odd. Well, not unique, as there are quite a few wounded people walking around like you. But you're not in a healthy state. As long as you can distract yourself with activities with friends, travel, etc., you can convince yourself you're ok, it's not a big deal. But in 10 years when your friends have moved on to marriage/family, and you find yourself increasingly alone, you may wish you had someone to talk to.
Oh well. We're not going to convince you, so.....have a nice life, OP.
Sounds like you have already decided you don't plan on making any changes in your emotive relationships and perhaps this is your way of "connecting". You've got plenty of support here from others who view being single as perfectly fine so I'm not sure what else there is to say. As others have already said, society accepts someone who is single in their 20s but as you get older, fair or not, others will view you with suspicion, pity or simply think you are odd. But it seems you are okay with that so - no problem. I'm admittedly biased, I believe we are on earth to have loving connections with others and that everything else we do or achieve is less important but I know that belief isn't shared by many. The friends and acquaintances I've known throughout my life who remained single I have always thought of as sad and lonely. Maybe they would be offended by my perception of them. But that is how I see them, particularly as we have all gotten older. I'm not saying you cannot be single and be happy but, I think the happiest single people are those who had a long term intimate relationship that has since ended, and that having had that, they have a different perspective on being alone, then those who have always been alone. But, that is just my perception. Nobody can live your life for you, do what you want and screw other's opinions.
As long as you can distract yourself with activities with friends, travel, etc., you can convince yourself you're ok, it's not a big deal. But in 10 years when your friends have moved on to marriage/family, and you find yourself increasingly alone, you may wish you had someone to talk to.
I never had anyone to talk to so it won't be any different. Like I've said, I'm prepared for those changes and I always find ways to distract myself even when I'm on my own.
It may seem odd to some just because we live in a sex-obsessed society. So people will wonder how your sexual needs are being met or whether you even have sexual needs. But there's nothing wrong with your decision to stay single if you feel that's best for you, but you could also leave yourself open to other possibilities if you aren't against them.
Agree with sweetlikesugar about staying single if you feel it is best for you. Who cares what other people think about (of all things...) your sexual needs. Your business. Your decision. Your happiness. Your life. Pretty simple and not strange at all.
It will strange to some people because you can't please everyone. Many will pick poke and prod to find fault and some sort of issue with you because for some reason with you.
Never ask question like these it will only the self righteous and smug types just do what you do and be happy.
Sounds like you have already decided you don't plan on making any changes in your emotive relationships and perhaps this is your way of "connecting". You've got plenty of support here from others who view being single as perfectly fine so I'm not sure what else there is to say. As others have already said, society accepts someone who is single in their 20s but as you get older, fair or not, others will view you with suspicion, pity or simply think you are odd. But it seems you are okay with that so - no problem. I'm admittedly biased, I believe we are on earth to have loving connections with others and that everything else we do or achieve is less important but I know that belief isn't shared by many. The friends and acquaintances I've known throughout my life who remained single I have always thought of as sad and lonely. Maybe they would be offended by my perception of them. But that is how I see them, particularly as we have all gotten older. I'm not saying you cannot be single and be happy but, I think the happiest single people are those who had a long term intimate relationship that has since ended, and that having had that, they have a different perspective on being alone, then those who have always been alone. But, that is just my perception. Nobody can live your life for you, do what you want and screw other's opinions.
Thank you. I didn't make this thread so people would agree with me, that's not the point. As long as everyone is respectful, any opinion is welcomed.
I believe being single not only makes me stay away from a lot of trouble, it allows me to thrive in my job/hobbies and to dedicate myself to others.
I'm a 24 year old man. I've never had a girlfriend or any kind of intimate contact with a woman. I'm currently taking my master's in mechanical engineering.
Apart from being busy with my studies, I grew up in a difficult home environment and have a lot of trouble dealing with frustration, anxiety and other people's expectations, especially on a more intimate level (friendships and so). I also have a difficult temper at home which makes domestic life rather hard when I'm around.
So with all this in the mixture, it seemed like the natural choice to decide to stay single for life. I have absolutely nothing against women...there are the good and the bad just like everything else in life. I have nothing against relationships, all of my friends are in one and fortunately most of them happy. My own brother has a terrific girlfriend as well.
I have many good friends, both male and female. We always have plans for weekends, I exercise a lot as well and have plenty of hobbies (cinema, music, reading, plane spotting, etc).
Simply nothing good could come out of a romantic relationship with someone like myself so I invest a lot in my friendships...I believe friends can be for life.
Obviously this is also an easy decision for me because no woman has ever shown any interest in me...I have a few friends that could never keep such a decision because all women fall at their feet.
Is this a very odd choice in my generation?
Yes, it is an odd choice - boys and girls evolved to cavort about with each other. If it's not happening something is wrong, which is affecting other facets of your life. I can say this with complete confidence because your story is my story, up to and including mechanical engineering degree, temper, and damage from childhood (anxiety, sensitivity, impatient, low confidence/self-esteem and self-blame). The illustrative point is I'm now in my early 40s and am now very successful with women but I didn't start dating till my mid 30s.
Chances are you're not a guy girls want to be around in a romantic sense. Why that is I'm not sure but I'm guessing you're not confident and/or not interesting and/or not pleasant and/or not putting yourself out there and/or not taking care of yourself (weight, health, etc.) and/or entitled; not blamin' just sayin' as this was me (all 6).
1.) Go to therapy. It's not a quick fix but it will in the least (probably) explain HOW you got to where you're at. Doesn't sound like that's worth much but it is, long term.
2.) Get to be confident, interesting, pleasant, sociable, healthy/attractive and realistic.
Yes, it is an odd choice - boys and girls evolved to cavort about with each other. If it's not happening something is wrong, which is affecting other facets of your life. I can say this with complete confidence because your story is my story, up to and including mechanical engineering degree, temper, and damage from childhood (anxiety, sensitivity, impatient, low confidence/self-esteem and self-blame). The illustrative point is I'm now in my early 40s and am now very successful with women but I didn't start dating till my mid 30s.
Chances are you're not a guy girls want to be around in a romantic sense. Why that is I'm not sure but I'm guessing you're not confident and/or not interesting and/or not pleasant and/or not putting yourself out there and/or not taking care of yourself (weight, health, etc.) and/or entitled; not blamin' just sayin' as this was me (all 6).
1.) Go to therapy. It's not a quick fix but it will in the least (probably) explain HOW you got to where you're at. Doesn't sound like that's worth much but it is, long term.
2.) Get to be confident, interesting, pleasant, sociable, healthy/attractive and realistic.
There's nothing odd about a 24 y.o. man being single.
However, there is something odd, and sad, about a young man, apparently a smart one, deciding that he'd rather surrender to his problematic upbringing and turn his back on what most people consider to be one of the most rewarding parts of life.
But you have a lot of friends, which is great, so you don't know what might happen in the future. Meanwhile, if you're in college, they very likely offer free counseling, so it might benefit you greatly to talk to someone about your difficulties.
As to your discomfort outside your comfort zone, everyone feels uneasy, but you do it because the idea is that you want your life to be broader, not narrower. Everyone has problems from their background, so don't imagine that you're anything special in that regard. The point is, you try to get beyond that.
This is the type of stuff that happens to men when they don't have a father around.
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