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I don't want to push him too much because I know how it feels to be constantly reminded of ur failure by your loved once. It hurts & he does seee his career as failure but at same time how long can I just wait for him to catch up.
Not sure how to handle this.
Well first off plans usually don't go as planned and you need to understand that "now" sometimes never comes. Marriage and life in general require patience and a tolerance of failure. Get constructive or get out of this guys life and don't get knocked up while doing it.
Your post tells me something and if he were me I'd know what to do. I'd bail.
I have been married over a year and dated my husband on & off 5 years. Even during the dating phase lot of our fight revolved around future plans. I wanted to know where things are, where they are going..etc & he could never give those answer. Back then future plans = marriage. Now as we start new chapter in our life, we are facing similar issue. I want to plan for house, kids, investment while he can't give me striggt answer to anything or it will happen 5-10 years from now. I want these things now, not 10 years.
One of the main issue is, we are both on same chapter & want the same end result except we are in very different page. Even thought he is older than me by 4 years, financially he is a decade behind where he should be. He is trying to make average salary n to him there is no space for goals/plans until he reaches that median income. I on the other hand didn't screw up in my early years n ate well settled in my career & really ready for next personal move. I don't want to push him too much because I know how it feels to be constantly reminded of ur failure by your loved once. It hurts & he does seee his career as failure but at same time how long can I just wait for him to catch up.
Not sure how to handle this.
Your post is SO judgmental. This is supposed to be a person you love more than anyone else, and you sound not like a partner but like a know-it-all parent.
He's a decade behind "where he SHOULD be"??? According to who, YOU?
How to handle this?? You need to check yourself. Be a supportive partner instead of a critical one. If you want a plan so badly, make one yourself and DISCUSS it with him. See what he thinks.
You dated someone whose behavior you found incompatible for five years, chose to marry him, and now are bothered that the same things that were problematic for you still are problematic for you.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ChessieMom
I think you sound kinda like a pain in the ass. Are you gonna bug the sh*t out of him about every thing you want in life?
Jeez. I don't know why you married him. Clearly you think he is beneath you.
Keep up this behavior, and you are on a path to destroy your marriage.
This
(And the guy would probably be better off w/o her)
Even during the dating phase lot of our fight revolved around future plans. I wanted to know where things are, where they are going..etc & he could never give those answer.
And you married him anyway.
It is unreasonable to think that marriage would magically change that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by keraT
I want to plan for house, kids, investment while he can't give me striggt answer to anything or it will happen 5-10 years from now. I want these things now, not 10 years.
Soooo.. you want to plan AND you want it all NOW? Cant have it both ways.
I think the problems are with you and not your husband.
You dated someone whose behavior you found incompatible for five years, chose to marry him, and now are bothered that the same things that were problematic for you still are problematic for you.
What did you expect?
Sorry to be crude, but it sounds a bit like she wanted a sperm donor rather than a life partner.
You sound selfish and inconsiderate, OP. Maybe you should first learn to appreciate what you have: you're both healthy, have your jobs, you love each other and you have all your life in front of you to accomplish your dreams, some will be your dreams, some will be his, and others will coincide.
Your husband may like life how it is now, easy and simple. Have you thought about that or marriage is only about what you want? Not many people feel like hurrying for a baby nowadays and I suppose you know this. Besides, no one can plan how things will be in 5 or 10 years, and everyone has at least a few big surprises along the way. If you think that everything will go as you want and that you'll achieve all your dreams, you're in for a great disappointment. Just make sure you'll be surrounded by nice people like your husband to support you when you'll meet your own failures in life and start facing reality.
Give the man a break. Let him enjoy life with you day by day and keep your ambitious for your career. Don't transform your marriage into a race or you'll ruin all the charm.
Jeez, you're still newlyweds! This is the time where you should be living for the moment and be totally consumed with one another, before life settles into an endless grind of responsibilities. You're micromanaging your lives and trying to get him to commit to things that he isn't ready to think about yet. Please don't bring children into this mix unless your relationship is solid, because it sounds like you are shaky ground right now.
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