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I've been with her about 9 months. She had a close friendship with a previous male. He was texting her a lot and I told her I didn't trust him. Sure enough, it came out a couple months later that he was completely in love with her. He became obsessive and was sending her texts 20 times a day even though she didnt respond to him. This new guy is young and fairly attractive, has a lot of energy and has a good job. He even called my girlfriend crying one day because he was so upset about how his girlfriend treats him. She is younger than I am (Im 29, shes 22) and I sense some immaturity on occasion, or at least that she hasn't completely grown up yet. I think she's naive about the nature of men even though I told her, they all want the same thing. I agree that the nature of their conversations is sometimes inappropriate. How do I tell her that I want our time to be more personal and to not have him text her constantly while we are hanging out? How can i let her know this makes me uncomfortable? She has told me many times that she is the type of person who if you tell her to do something she doesnt want to, she will do the opposite. I feel like any conversation I have about this is going to end negatively for me. Its a very frustrating situation.
Also, she met him through work. She works for a shoe retailer that has their managers get together on occasion. They went out and hit it off. Shes very open about everything they talk about and do and insists that they are just friends, but I still dont appreciate the intensity of their relationship.
I know my girlfriend loves me. We talk about having kids and living together. She has this guy friend that shes known for a couple months. He lives in a different city about 2 1/2 hours away. They text and send selfie snapchats to each other at least 10 times a day or more. She talks about him all the time - his name comes up LITERALLY every time we hang out together. I've been dealing with it well and am trying not to be jealous or annoyed. Last night he snapchatted her his face and the caption said "I love you best friend". Wtf is that? Now I'm wondering if they're telling each other that they love each other regularly. He is having relationship problems and my GF told me he hasnt had sex in 9 months. His status says single. From what I know about guys, being one myself, is that hes lonely and seeking attention from the opposite sex. My girlfriend has an issue with leading guys on unintentionally, its happened in the past. I haven't met him yet but she's offered to have us meet. I know I'm not supposed to show jealousy or tell her what to do but sometimes I'd rather just give up on the relationship rather than deal with this obnoxious issue. I love her so much but I hate feeling this way! How am I supposed to feel about this? How do i deal with the situation?
You need to find out where he's coming from.
"Friend" or possible "competition".
Sending pics back and forth 10 times a day?
Does she send you pics at least 10 times a day?
He could even be gay, and I wouldn't trust him around your girlfriend.
From everything I've read, if you force a girl to an ultimatum about their best guy friend, that it will be the end of the relationship 9 times out of 10. The situation requires a little more tact. I just don't know how to proceed
You need to find out where he's coming from.
"Friend" or possible "competition".
Sending pics back and forth 10 times a day?
Does she send you pics at least 10 times a day?
He could even be gay, and I wouldn't trust him around your girlfriend.
OP:
Regarding the bolded part in pink...
My husband had a female friend who wanted to more than friends with him while we were in a serious dating relationship. The vibe I got from her was the she was competing with me for his affections. The problem was this... he was never interested in her as more than friends.
If he wants to compete with you regarding her affections, then she has some serious thinking to do.
She has to figure out on her own without any input from you or from him exactly what she wants.
That means no contact from him or from you because she needs to think objectively about this. Not subjectively.
From everything I've read, if you force a girl to an ultimatum about their best guy friend, that it will be the end of the relationship 9 times out of 10. The situation requires a little more tact. I just don't know how to proceed
From everything I've read, if you force a girl to an ultimatum about their best guy friend, that it will be the end of the relationship 9 times out of 10. The situation requires a little more tact. I just don't know how to proceed
Here are some options...
Boundaries, which all three of you need to be in agreement on for their friendship to work.
Distancing herself from him so their friendship is not so intense.
Is she capable of having *an arm's length distance* friendship with him? The same for him.
I never thought it would have come to a point where having a best friend of the opposite sex was a deal breaker for me. I had guy best friends (I'm very tomboyish, so my closest buddy would be a guy), but after dating my ex, it's not that I don't trust the person, but there's just drama and unnecessary issues that comes with it so I made a new deal breaker. No best friend of the opposite sex.
Why does your gf have a guy best friend who existed AFTER you came along. Before you, that's a different story, but after you?
What is a best friend to her? Ask her.
- someone she opens up to that can't tell others? Why can't she open up to you instead?
- a guy's perspective? You're a guy, why can't she talk to you?
- someone to run to in times of trouble? Why isn't she running to you instead?
What is it that this guy best friend offers her that you, as you, as the bf cannot offer to her?
To me, what your gf is doing is crossing the line. I left my ex of 4 years because I've had enough of it. He never knew when to NOT cross the line and it was an ongoing battle. If I knew then what I know now, I wouldn't have wasted more years with him. I thought "love conquers all"...lol! Good luck with that, bro
My suggestion is you talk to her about it, or just find someone who values relationships the way you do.
Btw, I'm married now and my husband has the same views in regards boundaries and interaction with the opposite sex. I don't have a guy best friend any more, since I lost the 'best friend' when I dated my ex...you know, setting boundaries. But anyways, life is so, so much better when you don't have to go through what you're feeling. Trust me, as someone who's been there, I promise you, just get out now and find someone more suited for you.
I never thought it would have come to a point where having a best friend of the opposite sex was a deal breaker for me. I had guy best friends (I'm very tomboyish, so my closest buddy would be a guy), but after dating my ex, it's not that I don't trust the person, but there's just drama and unnecessary issues that comes with it so I made a new deal breaker. No best friend of the opposite sex.
Why does your gf have a guy best friend who existed AFTER you came along. Before you, that's a different story, but after you?
What is a best friend to her? Ask her.
- someone she opens up to that can't tell others? Why can't she open up to you instead?
- a guy's perspective? You're a guy, why can't she talk to you?
- someone to run to in times of trouble? Why isn't she running to you instead?
What is it that this guy best friend offers her that you, as you, as the bf cannot offer to her?
To me, what your gf is doing is crossing the line. I left my ex of 4 years because I've had enough of it. He never knew when to NOT cross the line and it was an ongoing battle. If I knew then what I know now, I wouldn't have wasted more years with him. I thought "love conquers all"...lol! Good luck with that, bro
My suggestion is you talk to her about it, or just find someone who values relationships the way you do.
Btw, I'm married now and my husband has the same views in regards boundaries and interaction with the opposite sex. I don't have a guy best friend any more, since I lost the 'best friend' when I dated my ex...you know, setting boundaries. But anyways, life is so, so much better when you don't have to go through what you're feeling. Trust me, as someone who's been there, I promise you, just get out now and find someone more suited for you.
^^^^^^ I agree with everything mentioned in this reply
OP:
Please read this reply, my reply, and the link below.
I was in your shoes regarding a female friend of my husband, who became friends with him shortly before we started dating. She acted the same way your girlfriend is acting. He only wanted to be her friend. She wanted much more than that. This continued during our relationship as well as after we got engaged.
And yes, his female friend crossed the line. It got to the point that for the sake of our relationship and our engagement, their friendship had to end.
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