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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by M3Guy
Yea this pretty much sums it up. In my personal experience, everyone I know 40+ years old has been married twice. My of my male peers aren't interested in marriage for the very reasons Acension2012 stated. With modern day feminism, men pretty much ALWAYS lose in court. I personally know a girl that is financially unfit to care for her 2 daughters and guess what? She has them, and the financially stable father doesn't. But he damn well better have that child support every month, whether or not the mom is spending it on the children.
Amazing. You live in a weird social area. I know know one person that has been married twice, and I'm 43.
The few people I know that are divorced, never remarried. They're mostly women and they split custody, have no child support (because they split), and are far happier than when being in a bad marriage.
I have no idea why this is your peer group. Maybe it is because I'm in a more progressive region and this is a red state thing?
I will never understand the guys that are so gung ho about how awful they believe marriage to be. Marriage is a choice. If you don't want to get married, you don't have to. And if you think it's this horrible thing, then you really aren't suited for marriage to begin with. It's a win win situation for everyone if you don't get married. I don't get what the big deal is? There are lots of happily married people out there. They aren't going to suddenly think marriage is a bad thing because people who have never been married and never plan on being married think that it's horrible.
I will never understand the guys that are so gung ho about how awful they believe marriage to be. Marriage is a choice. If you don't want to get married, you don't have to. And if you think it's this horrible thing, then you really aren't suited for marriage to begin with. It's a win win situation for everyone if you don't get married. I don't get what the big deal is? There are lots of happily married people out there. They aren't going to suddenly think marriage is a bad thing because people who have never been married and never plan on being married think that it's horrible.
absolutely
I agree 100%
I have been married 20 years...we just separated and divorce is imminent
Marriage is NOT for me...
I would rather be gang raped in a Jamaican prison for 20 years than be married again
So, granted, I might not be the best person to come to for marital advice...
The best piece of advice I was given was "choose your battles"...you can win every battle and lose the war
battles and war???...= marriage?? I was horrifies...they were SO right...unfortunately my s2bx engaged every battle and skirmish, not matter what the cost or benefit, while I sat there and chose my battles carefully...got to where I stopped battling...and it was time...I see this a lot to different extremes, most are mild hence my buds put up with it...mine just got worse and worse to unbearable
She doesn't understand why I want out...really...phhhtttt...so done stick multiple forks in me
rant over
so, remember folks...pick your battles...you can win all the battles and lose the war...I now pronounce you...
absolutely
I agree 100%
I have been married 20 years...we just separated and divorce is imminent
Marriage is NOT for me...
I would rather be gang raped in a Jamaican prison for 20 years than be married again
So, granted, I might not be the best person to come to for marital advice...
The best piece of advice I was given was "choose your battles"...you can win every battle and lose the war
battles and war???...= marriage?? I was horrifies...they were SO right...unfortunately my s2bx engaged every battle and skirmish, not matter what the cost or benefit, while I sat there and chose my battles carefully...got to where I stopped battling...and it was time...I see this a lot to different extremes, most are mild hence my buds put up with it...mine just got worse and worse to unbearable
She doesn't understand why I want out...really...phhhtttt...so done stick multiple forks in me
rant over
so, remember folks...pick your battles...you can win all the battles and lose the war...I now pronounce you...
Why did you marry her in the first place? What was your reason? Were you in love with her or just in lust with her? How long did you know her? Did you try to work things through with her?
My husband and I don't view our marriage like a war. We are building a life together, a home together, a family together. We work with each other - not against each other.
Here is one for the biggest feminist organization in the world. I can find exact same for pretty much every feminist organization.
"NOW stated their reasons for opposing shared parenting so let’s take a look at the reasoning behind their opposition:
“Shared Parenting” is defined as “the award of custody to both parties so that both parties share equally the legal responsibility and control of such child and share equally the living experience in time and physical care of assure frequent and continuing contact with both parties, as the court deems to be in the best interests of the child, taking into consideration the location and circumstances of each party.” The assertion that “shared parenting is in the best interests of minor children” is on its face untrue… The following facts continue to be true with respect to mandatory joint custody of the children: * To arbitrarily reassign a child’s primary caregiver, or disrupt a child’s attachment to a primary caregiver creates an unstable, even traumatic situation for the children. * Increased father involvement does not necessarily result in positive outcomes for children.”"
Why did you marry her in the first place? What was your reason? Were you in love with her or just in lust with her? How long did you know her? Did you try to work things through with her?
My husband and I don't view our marriage like a war. We are building a life together, a home together, a family together. We work with each other - not against each other.
she was NOT like this when we dated...she changed
20 years is a LONG time
I ignored the red flags
Amazing. You live in a weird social area. I know know one person that has been married twice, and I'm 43.
The few people I know that are divorced, never remarried. They're mostly women and they split custody, have no child support (because they split), and are far happier than when being in a bad marriage.
I have no idea why this is your peer group. Maybe it is because I'm in a more progressive region and this is a red state thing?
Honestly, it could be a red state thing. There's more women than men in GA and 70% of divorces are caused by women....
Amazing. You live in a weird social area. I know know one person that has been married twice, and I'm 43.
The few people I know that are divorced, never remarried. They're mostly women and they split custody, have no child support (because they split), and are far happier than when being in a bad marriage.
I have no idea why this is your peer group. Maybe it is because I'm in a more progressive region and this is a red state thing?
I'm in an awfully red state, and we're 38 and 42 and recently married, neither of us ever previously married/divorced.
My FIL and my uncle are the only people I know who divorced more than once. My FIL and my MIL divorced when my husband was a college student, after over 20 years of marriage. He and his second wife divorced after about ten years of marriage. My uncle is three times divorced, because he's a retired sailor with a drinking problem and awful taste in women. Numerous Navy deployments and marriages to questionable partners don't typically make for long marriages. He should have always been a single guy. At any rate, he's completely dysfunctional, and so was everyone he was ever married to.
The only other person I know working on multiple marriages actually lives in NY state. Most everyone I know who has divorced has not remarried.
Here is one for the biggest feminist organization in the world. I can find exact same for pretty much every feminist organization.
"NOW stated their reasons for opposing shared parenting so let’s take a look at the reasoning behind their opposition:
“Shared Parenting” is defined as “the award of custody to both parties so that both parties share equally the legal responsibility and control of such child and share equally the living experience in time and physical care of assure frequent and continuing contact with both parties, as the court deems to be in the best interests of the child, taking into consideration the location and circumstances of each party.” The assertion that “shared parenting is in the best interests of minor children” is on its face untrue… The following facts continue to be true with respect to mandatory joint custody of the children: * To arbitrarily reassign a child’s primary caregiver, or disrupt a child’s attachment to a primary caregiver creates an unstable, even traumatic situation for the children. * Increased father involvement does not necessarily result in positive outcomes for children.”"
Except that that was just one statement from the New York State branch of the organization, it wasn't the platform of the entire national organization. And if you read the entire statement, it looks like the concern is that universal and automatic shared parenting can be problematic in situations of abuse or neglect, which isn't entirely wrong.
As a feminist, I can say that most of the literature I come across is highly in favor of shared and equal parenting situations. Fathers being equal and involved parents can only be considered a good thing by most right-thinking people.
I do agree with Dewdroplet, though, in that if dudes don't want to get married, they shouldn't get married. The nice thing is that a bad, toxic relationship is not something that just happens to you without your permission.
Last edited by fleetiebelle; 06-30-2015 at 01:02 PM..
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