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My s/o and I don't share passwords or codes for cell phones. Just because you're in a relationship it doesn't mean you need to share everything, you are entitled to some privacy. Thankfully, we both agree on this so it's a non-issue.
The Mr. and I don't go through each others phones (or computers). But, I'm not sure which would be more of a red flag for me: one of demanding to see it, or one of us refusing to pony up.
You start with a false premise: "your husband can ask you for your passwords, phone, what you're doing, etc." This is not exactly true. I would show him anything he wanted to see, but he would have to have a reason for asking me. So he can ask me, but unquestioning open access is not expected. I don't have a password on my phone, and I am usually logged into email. He can see my emails, IMs, and browsing history anytime he wishes. He just doesn't, and I would find it really weird if he did it without a good reason.
I do agree that couples should have mutually fair agreements to privacy. If one person has to disclose, so does the other.
You start with a false premise: "your husband can ask you for your passwords, phone, what you're doing, etc." This is not exactly true. I would show him anything he wanted to see, but he would have to have a reason for asking me. So he can ask me, but unquestioning open access is not expected. I don't have a password on my phone, and I am usually logged into email. He can see my emails, IMs, and browsing history anytime he wishes. He just doesn't, and I would find it really weird if he did it without a good reason.
I do agree that couples should have mutually fair agreements to privacy. If one person has to disclose, so does the other.
Yeah - that's true. My husband and I have never asked to see each others texts, emails, phone calls, etc. because we don't trust each other. We've always had a reason. And to be honest, it's not usually that one person asks but that one person volunteers. For example, last night my husband was telling me that he had caught up with a friend that he hadn't talked to in awhile via text. I asked him how his friend was doing and he started to tell me but there was some medical stuff that he was trying to remember. So I asked him if he wanted to tell me or if he wanted me to just read the texts. So he handed me his phone. We often just hand each other our phones so we can share a conversation we had with mutual friends of ours because it's easier than trying to remember everything. And in terms of passwords - we sometimes will ask the other person to send an email, check an email, etc. for us - so we know each other's password. It's not a big deal to us. If my husband was constantly grabbing my phone and searching through my texts and pics - I'd wonder what was up. Well, I mean, he often goes through my pics but that's just because I take pics of the kids all day so that he can see them when he gets home. But you know what I mean…
I made a thread about women asking guys questions and all, but i instead made this thread in general for everyone regardless of Gender.
You're Girlfriend/Wife/Husband or Boyfriend can ask you for your passwords, phones and what your doing etc.
But when you turn the tables all hell breaks loose, you're called having "trust issues" and "problems"?
You can't have your cake and eat it too don't you think?
I mean, fair is fair.
I agree with you on this.
I have asked my husband for a password and he has freely given it to me and vice versa. I "know" his passwords and he "knows" mine, we just can't always remember them.
We have one joint e-mail that handles family affairs, and then I have my own personal and work e-mail and he has his. The only time I need to get into his account is if he's done "family business" with his personal e-mail, which happens quite frequently.
As for phones, I know his passcode and he knows mine. I'll use his phone if I need to, and he uses mine. I don't go digging through his phone, but I'll look something up on the internet or make a call or text if I have to. He does the same.
If he suddenly decided to change his passwords or hide his phone, I'd wonder what was up.
We don't have passwords on anything and Mr. CSD or I can look at each other's phones or computers at any time and this has never been an issue for us. We basically have the same information on our computers and phones and the only thing Mr. CSD does not read are my written journals and I know I can leave the journal out on my desk and he won't pick it up and read it. I haven't told him not to he just chooses to respect the privacy of my journals.
If your partner demands your information but makes a fuss about giving you their information it makes them appear insecure, controlling and that they have something to hide.
The moment anyone would "demand" to see anything like that is the moment I show them the door and hit them on the behind with it while they are leaving.
IDK, I figure if someone is up to no good, they'll likely be covering their tracks by deleting search histories, chats, etc.
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