Relationships are stressful! Does the stress ever go away? (kiss, separate, living together)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
OP I am in the same boat. I've recently started dating someone and am finding the demands very taxing.
I would likely not have moved in, especially so quickly...but I have done that at other stages of my life, when I met my ex husband for example. But I was a heck of a lot younger and wanted the marriage, the kids etc.
Nowdays I need my own space badly and I simply cannot fathom living with someone, ever again.
I believe eventually when you learn his ways and to trust him, it will settle down for you.
I would NEVER move in with someone after only dating him for four months.
Regardless, now you're adjusting both to the confines of a relationship and the confines of cohabitation. Of course it's stressful. It's too much, too soon.
What's done is done. Financially it made sense to move in together, not to mention the fact that we get along great and we love spending time together. I've loved living together so far. Sure, it was fast, but it's been great.
Yes, I know living together has added to the stress, but as I stated before, I wouldn't trade the stress, anxiety, or whatever it is I'm feeling for anything, even the single life. He's worth it.
I believe eventually when you learn his ways and to trust him, it will settle down for you.
I like this. I do trust him already (if I didn't, I wouldn't be dating him!), but yes, we both need to learn each others ways. Our relationship gets better and stronger every day and I believe that's because we're getting used to life together. We are very open about what bothers us, what we like, etc. Communication is key!
Wow. I moved in with my then-boyfriend (now-husband) at age 43. I had been in relationships before, but had never been married or lived with a partner. So I had been single, independent, and living alone for far longer than you. While living with him was naturally a big adjustment, I didn't have a fraction of the stress and anxiety you describe. I don't really know what to tell you.
What's done is done. Financially it made sense to move in together, not to mention the fact that we get along great and we love spending time together. I've loved living together so far. Sure, it was fast, but it's been great.
Yes, I know living together has added to the stress, but as I stated before, I wouldn't trade the stress, anxiety, or whatever it is I'm feeling for anything, even the single life. He's worth it.
My problem is adjusting OUT of single life. For nearly 29 years, I only had to take care of me. I find myself constantly stressed and worried now about pleasing him, keeping the house clean, bills, etc. He does not demand any of these things. I've talked to him about being so stressed and he tells me he'll help out in any way he can, I just need to ask him. But the stress is still there. Being in a relationship is stressful!
I have faith this stress will be greatly reduced as time goes on. I'm just not used to being in a relationship. Or am I mistaking this for anxiety? He really does nothing to cause anxiety or stress. I can't exactly put my finger on what it is. Advice?
OP, you're stressing yourself out. There's no need for any of that. Don't worry about pleasing him; you're fine just being you. It's like you're suddenly desperate to squeeze yourself into a stereotyped role. It doesn't have to be that way. Work out a game plan with him about who handles which chores; vacuuming, cleaning the bathroom/s, cooking, doing dishes, cleaning the kitchen, doing laundry (I suggest you each do your own, for now). All of these can be put on a list, and each of you can pick which will be your chores. One good rule of thumb is: whoever does the cooking gets a break from the dishes. But some cooks naturally clean up after themselves. So it's up to the individual. All of this is up for grabs, it's not inherently one person's responsibility, or another's.
BTW, you haven't SEEN relationship stress! This is not relationship stress you're describing. It's self-created stress due to you thinking you need to live up to some ideal you saw on TV, or something. Relax. Enjoy.
I wonder if maybe it's just a matter of having moved in together too soon? Not to say that it should be a seamless transition, but it shouldn't be that stressful unless it's wrong timing or the wrong person.
BTW, you haven't SEEN relationship stress! This is not relationship stress you're describing. It's self-created stress due to you thinking you need to live up to some ideal you saw on TV, or something. Relax. Enjoy.
I agree. The stress seems to have little to do with the relationship but rather, is self-imposed stress over co-habitation.
A little background information:
My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 months. He's been in a few serious relationships before (married once, has been divorced for 7 years), but I've only been in one serious relationship before. We are doing great. We have been living together for 2 months and it is going really well. We've talked about marriage, but farther in the future. I'm 29, he's 35.
I really loved my single life. I loved doing what I want, when I wanted, with whom I wanted, not having to answer to anyone, having no stress, etc. However, I would not trade being in this relationship for anything because of what I have with him now. He is great and we are great together. (To clarify, he does not restrict me from doing anything--I can still do whatever I want, etc., but I mostly don't because I'd rather be and do all those things with him).
My problem is adjusting OUT of single life. For nearly 29 years, I only had to take care of me. I find myself constantly stressed and worried now about pleasing him, keeping the house clean, bills, etc. He does not demand any of these things. I've talked to him about being so stressed and he tells me he'll help out in any way he can, I just need to ask him. But the stress is still there. Being in a relationship is stressful!
I have faith this stress will be greatly reduced as time goes on. I'm just not used to being in a relationship. Or am I mistaking this for anxiety? He really does nothing to cause anxiety or stress. I can't exactly put my finger on what it is. Advice?
You are causing your own stress and why in the world would you move in with someone after dating for 4 months.
That is barely enough time to remember how to spell his last name.
This is your issue alone and it appears you jumped into deeper water than you are ready to handle.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
