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Old 01-23-2008, 08:45 AM
 
2 posts, read 45,747 times
Reputation: 29
Default Does he like me or is he just using me for sex?

I have been unoffically seeing this guy for 3 months. I met him through a neighbor friend and we hooked up in some respects the first night we met, although we didn't have sex, we did stay the night together. We exchanged numbers and he has faithfully called me pretty much daily to see what I was up to. This guy however isn't a very feelings oriented guy and I very much am. He is a good person, everyone would say that about him and I see that in him as well. The problem I am dealing with now is what I mean to him. After 3 months of now sleeping together everytime I see him, about 5 days a week, I am starting to question if it is just about the sex. I enjoy the sex as well, but I can do without it also and am starting to feel guilty about it because I fear that our relationship isn't anything more. Should I continue on, end things right now, approach him...?
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Old 01-23-2008, 08:49 AM
 
Location: In the woods next to the ocean
3,887 posts, read 7,984,587 times
Reputation: 5706
He wouldn't be using you for sex if he didn't like you - at least a little.
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Old 01-23-2008, 09:05 AM
miu
 
Location: MA/NH
12,680 posts, read 20,778,950 times
Reputation: 9765
How much do you really like this guy? I feel that you aren't madly in love with him, but because you have that neighbor friend in common, you feel safe and comfortable being with him. And it sounds like the last three months haven't been all that romantic in feeling.

So if this guy said to you that he really really likes you and considers you his girlfriend, would that make you happy inside? Does your heart do a flip-flop when he calls you up? I feel that what you have is a FWB on both sides, and that imo, to have this guy as your boyfriend would be having a mediocre boyfriend. Unless you really click with him and have a lot of common interests (and so far, you haven't said that you do), then I feel that you can do better boyfriend wise. BTW does this guy make you laugh? Is there any excitement in the relationship?

Also, what did the two of you do for Christmas presents? I suppose if you wait a few weeks and say nothing, see what he does on Valentines Day for you. That will be a really good indication of his inner feelings for you. But don't give him any hints or input as to what you'd like to do that night.
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Old 01-23-2008, 09:48 AM
 
32 posts, read 499 times
Reputation: 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by kimhorky View Post
I have been unoffically seeing this guy for 3 months. I met him through a neighbor friend and we hooked up in some respects the first night we met, although we didn't have sex, we did stay the night together. We exchanged numbers and he has faithfully called me pretty much daily to see what I was up to. This guy however isn't a very feelings oriented guy and I very much am. He is a good person, everyone would say that about him and I see that in him as well. The problem I am dealing with now is what I mean to him. After 3 months of now sleeping together everytime I see him, about 5 days a week, I am starting to question if it is just about the sex. I enjoy the sex as well, but I can do without it also and am starting to feel guilty about it because I fear that our relationship isn't anything more. Should I continue on, end things right now, approach him...?
Don't have sex with him for a week or 2 and see if his behavoir towards you changes...then you'll have your answer. You can use your "monthly friend" as an excuss for one week and then just keep busy the next week.

If he stops calling you as much, or finds another "fling" to hop in bed with, then obviously it's just about sex. If he's still calling you as usaul and his behavior is the same...it could still be about sex lol, he's just being very patient and can't wait to have sex with you again. I dunno, it's very hard to figure out which "head" guys are thinking with these day. It may be eazier to just ASK.
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Old 01-23-2008, 10:22 AM
 
Location: makin' bacon
3,340 posts, read 1,900,066 times
Reputation: 1455
If you are having doubts then you have most likely already answered your question. There must be something lacking in the relationship to lead you to believe it is just about sex. If you are fine with that kind of relationship, then more power to you, have fun. However, it sounds like you are not, so maybe it is time to move on.
You didn't mention whether or not you actually enjoy other activities together. If you don't, then one can only assume it is just a sexual relationship.
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Old 01-23-2008, 10:22 AM
 
Location: The #1 sunshine state, Arizona.
10,744 posts, read 8,854,231 times
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Well let's just say he won't be shopping for a cow as he is getting the milk for free. End your date before it's time to go to bed.
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Old 01-23-2008, 10:30 AM
 
Location: In the woods next to the ocean
3,887 posts, read 7,984,587 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zonababe View Post
...he won't be shopping for a cow as he is getting the milk for free. End your date before it's time to go to bed.
That might be good advice for the dairy business, but in affairs of the heart, the best things in life are free.
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Old 01-23-2008, 11:08 AM
 
618 posts, read 2,102,268 times
Reputation: 281
Ask him.

As a man, I would lean towards No, he's not using you for sex. Five days a wekk is way too much time with someone I'm not interested in.

If he's 20 years old, that might change things...
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Old 01-23-2008, 11:25 AM
 
Location: Derby, KS
3,832 posts, read 7,506,154 times
Reputation: 1541
He's probably crazy about you. That's a lot of togetherness for him not to care.
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Old 01-23-2008, 11:33 AM
 
Location: Dallas, NC
1,704 posts, read 2,404,121 times
Reputation: 771
Quote:
Originally Posted by kimhorky View Post
I have been unoffically seeing this guy for 3 months. I met him through a neighbor friend and we hooked up in some respects the first night we met, although we didn't have sex, we did stay the night together. We exchanged numbers and he has faithfully called me pretty much daily to see what I was up to. This guy however isn't a very feelings oriented guy and I very much am. He is a good person, everyone would say that about him and I see that in him as well. The problem I am dealing with now is what I mean to him. After 3 months of now sleeping together everytime I see him, about 5 days a week, I am starting to question if it is just about the sex. I enjoy the sex as well, but I can do without it also and am starting to feel guilty about it because I fear that our relationship isn't anything more. Should I continue on, end things right now, approach him...?
If you don't go out or do anything other than have sex, then there's your answer. Look, I'm not being judgmental b/c before I got married, I slept with my share. But if you have to ask the question, you probably already know the answer. Talk to him and if you don't feel better about it then, be done with it. It's not the end of the world after just 3 months. You'll find someone else
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