Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 03-07-2016, 06:17 AM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,901 posts, read 42,610,676 times
Reputation: 42767

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by rcarbuilder View Post
Just found this thread. Since taking an early retirement we have been looking for a single mature female for a possible roommate-friendship-relationship. Been married for many years and have never cheated. We are looking at the idea with two things in mind. One would be to add security to our future and second to help someone living alone to do the same thing. Right now we own our home and we are secure. But when the coming financial disaster comes from the debt or maybe a natural disaster we think having a third person in our family would benefit all of us. Everyday we hear from someone that they just got a reverse mortgage or they had to sell their home and move into a small trailer or apartment. We worked too hard for what we have and we want to hold onto it. We are clean, stable, in good shape, decent looking and use no substances and so far no one has been interested. Not sure where anyone is finding people into a poly relationship.
You sound like you are looking for a roommate to share the rent, not a lover to add to your marriage.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 03-07-2016, 07:39 AM
 
182 posts, read 118,402 times
Reputation: 260
I can't get past the idea of sharing my partner, sexually, with anyone else.

I don't need to bang other chicks enough to share my partner. Call me old fashioned or whatever. I know many people who have tried this, they all end up going horribly wrong. I know this one couple about my age, they have 2 kids, 3 and 6 years old, I have no idea how they keep this from them, but when they find out, I have a feeling the wheels are going to come off. They bring their partners around their kids even. At such a young age, they dont know any better. But when they find out these people are banging mommy and daddy, that cant be good for kids.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-07-2016, 09:17 AM
 
Location: NNJ
15,050 posts, read 10,033,697 times
Reputation: 17213
Quote:
Originally Posted by WinterLover2 View Post
I can't get past the idea of sharing my partner, sexually, with anyone else.

I don't need to bang other chicks enough to share my partner. Call me old fashioned or whatever. I know many people who have tried this, they all end up going horribly wrong. I know this one couple about my age, they have 2 kids, 3 and 6 years old, I have no idea how they keep this from them, but when they find out, I have a feeling the wheels are going to come off. They bring their partners around their kids even. At such a young age, they dont know any better. But when they find out these people are banging mommy and daddy, that cant be good for kids.
You can have a couple who are committed to each other and only each other at a romantic, companionship , and family level yet be open to including others outside for sexual reasons. The family unit still consists of a single husband and wife. Many term this as an "open relationship" (for which I have had). In many cases, the couple chooses to keep their sexual lives separate from their family. No different from a "traditional" family in which the husband and wife have sex behind closed doors away from the children. Until they choose to introduce their more mature children to sexuality (no matter what form).

You can also have a family unit that consists of multiple partners (multiple husbands or wives) are committed to each other at a romantic, companionship, and family level. Yet they are in a "closed" relationship in which it is not acceptable to them to have sexual relationships outside the family unit. In this case, kids are also raised by the family unit consisting of more than just one parents. This "unconventional" family unit is certainly just as capable of raising healthy children as any other family unit. IMO, certainly better than single parent family homes when the children do not have the parental support they require. I don't believe there is such a thing as having too many people in a child's life who are supportive, loving, and caring.

I think you will find that many parents whether they are in an traditional, same-sex, open relationship or poly-relationship, will all agree that their children should be introduced to sexuality rather than simply exposed to them. I think even a traditional husband and wife having sex in an open area (home or public) in front of the young children can be as damaging... it doesn't matter that it is with mommy and daddy.

What you describe seems to have more to do with bad parenting rather than the couple's sexual preferences.

But I do get that poly-relationships is certainly not for everyone. I also agree the previous poster that dug this old thread up is not really looking for a poly-relationship as the driving reason behind their want seems to be driven by "sexual convenience", logistics, and financial rather than one that is driven by romantic and companionship.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-07-2016, 09:31 AM
 
6,806 posts, read 4,888,983 times
Reputation: 8594
Quote:
Originally Posted by rcarbuilder View Post
Just found this thread. Since taking an early retirement we have been looking for a single mature female for a possible roommate-friendship-relationship. Been married for many years and have never cheated. We are looking at the idea with two things in mind. One would be to add security to our future and second to help someone living alone to do the same thing. Right now we own our home and we are secure. But when the coming financial disaster comes from the debt or maybe a natural disaster we think having a third person in our family would benefit all of us. Everyday we hear from someone that they just got a reverse mortgage or they had to sell their home and move into a small trailer or apartment. We worked too hard for what we have and we want to hold onto it. We are clean, stable, in good shape, decent looking and use no substances and so far no one has been interested. Not sure where anyone is finding people into a poly relationship.
You won't find a lot of clean, fit, stable, secure, non-substance using people who are interested in the poly lifestyle. You will need to lower your standards quite a bit to find someone to venture into this with you. Additionally, expect your relationship with your wife to change for the worse.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-07-2016, 10:38 AM
 
182 posts, read 118,402 times
Reputation: 260
Quote:
Originally Posted by usayit View Post
You can have a couple who are committed to each other and only each other at a romantic, companionship , and family level yet be open to including others outside for sexual reasons.
I hear what you are saying, and I just don't see how that's possible long term. It is inviting strife, envy, jealousy and all sorts of other emotions that will over time tear any relationship apart.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-07-2016, 10:39 AM
 
182 posts, read 118,402 times
Reputation: 260
Quote:
Originally Posted by Just A Guy View Post
You won't find a lot of clean, fit, stable, secure, non-substance using people who are interested in the poly lifestyle. You will need to lower your standards quite a bit to find someone to venture into this with you. Additionally, expect your relationship with your wife to change for the worse.
My thoughts exactly.

Its the same reason why a girl in a struggling relationship "allows" the guy to talk her into a 3-way with another girl, and the wheels fall off, in a real bad, usually very emotional way
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-07-2016, 10:40 AM
 
6,304 posts, read 8,989,468 times
Reputation: 8149
Quote:
Originally Posted by WinterLover2 View Post
I hear what you are saying, and I just don't see how that's possible long term. It is inviting strife, envy, jealousy and all sorts of other emotions that will over time tear my relationship apart.
Fixed it for you.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-07-2016, 10:41 AM
 
182 posts, read 118,402 times
Reputation: 260
Quote:
Originally Posted by usayit View Post
What you describe seems to have more to do with bad parenting rather than the couple's sexual preferences.
I think it's bad parenting absolutely, but when their relationship falls apart, and the kids suffer because of it, i'm sure as **** going to blame the couple's sexual / lifestyle choices as the primary reason. It's really painful to watch this slow motion trainwreck happening.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-07-2016, 10:43 AM
 
182 posts, read 118,402 times
Reputation: 260
Quote:
Originally Posted by mishigas73 View Post
Fixed it for you.
I don't know if statistics exist for such a thing, but I don't know anyone who has succeeded in keeping one of these things together. Find me some statistics about success rates of "open" marriages
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-07-2016, 10:44 AM
 
6,304 posts, read 8,989,468 times
Reputation: 8149
Quote:
Originally Posted by WinterLover2 View Post
I don't know if statistics exist for such a thing, but I don't know anyone who has succeeded in keeping one of these things together. Find me some statistics about success rates of "open" marriages
That you don't know of any doesn't mean that they don't exist.

Speaking for yourself, it's a thing.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Similar Threads

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top