Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
People who are Poly, are usually in the dating market. So even if just 10% of relationships are Polly (not that I know the real number), those 10% of people are looking and you're going to come into contact with them if you're in the dating scene.
I have also met some high achievers on OLD, but most of my female friends seem to find men with no job, no car, and no life on OLD sites
I've met both ends of the spectrum, as well as in the middle. The ones with no life are usually the ones who just message "hey." They are pretty easy to tell.
What I'm concerned about is why people who do not find the poly lifestyle attractive are labeled all sorts of negative things by more "enlightened" individuals. So what if they like monogamy? It doesn't mean they're oppressed. The friends I have who are poly (and there are several) often try to... not exactly convert, but really talk about the positives of it. Or the negatives/downsides of monogamy. Not to compare apples to oranges, but say, my bi friends don't try to convince anyone else to be bi. They know that people either are, or they're not. Many people who are poly seem to think that everyone is at heart poly, but some are too repressed by the mainstream to accept it. Or something. (Or is that just the people I know? Could be, for all I know.)
What I'm concerned about is why people who do not find the poly lifestyle attractive are labeled all sorts of negative things by more "enlightened" individuals. So what if they like monogamy? It doesn't mean they're oppressed. The friends I have who are poly (and there are several) often try to... not exactly convert, but really talk about the positives of it. Or the negatives/downsides of monogamy. Not to compare apples to oranges, but say, my bi friends don't try to convince anyone else to be bi. They know that people either are, or they're not. Many people who are poly seem to think that everyone is at heart poly, but some are too repressed by the mainstream to accept it. Or something. (Or is that just the people I know? Could be, for all I know.)
Could be a response to something you've said, or something that they perceived.
Even saying, "Good for you, but I don't understand it and I could never make that work. Would not even want to try." It sounds like you're judging because you don't get it, and so they feel like they've got to explain why it's awesome in their lives. I say this because I've heard people say sentiments like those to others with some different lifestyle... It is intended to mean "I want no part of this, but I accept that it's your thing and that's cool." Instead it sounds like "I'm being tolerant because I guess I have to, but it's all really weird, I don't get it, and I'm kind of judging you." It's a disconnect between the intended and the perceived message.
Could be that they're comfortable enough with the lifestyle to show others that they aren't sexually deranged, and that it can be a positive experience.
Quote:
Originally Posted by zenapple
What I'm concerned about is why people who do not find the poly lifestyle attractive are labeled all sorts of negative things by more "enlightened" individuals. So what if they like monogamy? It doesn't mean they're oppressed. The friends I have who are poly (and there are several) often try to... not exactly convert, but really talk about the positives of it. Or the negatives/downsides of monogamy. Not to compare apples to oranges, but say, my bi friends don't try to convince anyone else to be bi. They know that people either are, or they're not. Many people who are poly seem to think that everyone is at heart poly, but some are too repressed by the mainstream to accept it. Or something. (Or is that just the people I know? Could be, for all I know.)
Well. I don't typically start the conversation, but if they bring up that I must be missing out on something because I'm married, and I respond that I'm alright with it, not interested in other relationships, that's what I get. Plus most of the time it's not even directed at me. The typical course is that a friend posts an article on FB about how poly is the greatest thing ever. Then someone will reply to it (perhaps in a judgey way, but most of the time in a neutral way) and they start conversing, and ultimately the conversation is basically "zomg monogamous people will eventually come around" or something to that effect.
The one time I had this conversation outright (that I can remember) was this time I was in an online class about sexual diversity where it turned out most of the 7-8 class members were poly or very kinky or whatever. I was the only one married and monogamous. Since we all had to basically say a little about ourselves, it came up, and most of the people in my class jumped down my throat for being too vanilla - when I had really been super neutral bringing it up to begin with. I didn't judge them, but they felt perfectly free to judge me. Maybe they all perceived my intentions wrong?
Or there were two different guys that I had known from almost childhood who, I guess were openly poly as adults. When we talked, they at first were really vague about how their relationships were, and when I was basically "I'm glad you found something to make you happy" to them, over time they'd get more insistent that I should try it. I wasn't interested in a relationship with them - or with anyone other than my spouse - but they somehow took it as an insult that I didn't want to explore the lifestyle or something. Nothing personal... geesh.
Could be that they're comfortable enough with the lifestyle to show others that they aren't sexually deranged, and that it can be a positive experience.
I would hope most of my friends already get that I don't think they're sexually deranged.
like most guys on dating sites, I don't get a ton of inbox mail, but in recent years I do get more unsolicited mail than I used to, sady a trend has popped up where I have been contacted by women who already have a boyfriend/husband but are in an open relationship and are seeking a 3rd or fourth wheel in their arrangement. and not even just online. I have been approached in bars, at the store etc etc....
its kind of a blow to my self image because I can't seem to find a one on one relationship to save my life, but it seems I'm ok for a boyfriend #2. in fact a week ago I wasted 3 hours having a great conversation with a very attractive woman only to find out that she was poly-amorous and I would have to meet her boyfriend at least once and that her, her boyfriend and his other girlfriend live in the same house.
I politely told her i was not interested, and she gave me her business card in case I opened my mind.
And thats not the first time something like that happened? someone who is otherwise a great match but does not believe in monogamy.
I mean to me it would be hard to feel special if my girlfriend was crawling into some other guys bed on mondays wendays and fridays.
I never really considered a poly relationship until the past 2 years. I think it can be a good idea. There are many upsides to having multiple partners. There are more people to confide in, have sex with, do other things with, and more people to love. In a monogamous relationship, your whole life depends on that 1 person. If they leave or cheat or die then you have nobody. You're putting all your eggs in 1 basket. That isn't always the best bet.
Is this perhaps a function of whether one is in a child-raising situation or not?
I know poly relationships can happen with kids involved, and for some people it might even be a plus - more people to take on the responsibilities of child-rearing.
But, perhaps, childfree individuals (or empty-nesters) have more time to cultivate these different layers of relationships? I'm just brainstorming here. I don't know enough about it to formulate a real opinion.
OP, so someone offered you something that you didn't want on OLD. That happens all the time to women. You can't blame them for trying. Personally, polyamory isn't for me, but that doesn't make it bad or wrong.
Just frustrated because its one more thing telling me that what I seek is no longer really sought by others. this kinda realization sucks and I have been basically tol on this forum and others that my idea of an ideal relationship is out dated. but there are things I can budge on when it comes to a mate like these things Dont wamt to become a playa because I feel that a sex life is best with one partner who is only sharing that part of herself with me and I with her, but I do have needs so I do what I have to do during the mean time at points where I cant take it anymore, but for me one night stands and FWB is like trying to fix a gunshot wound with a band-aid, better than nothing but not what I need.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I didn't judge them, but they felt perfectly free to judge me. Maybe they all perceived my intentions wrong?
